Magnificent Bastard

Wednesday, September 2, 2015


See How Donald Trump Inspired the Sale

America's Drug Dealers Lacking Sense of Romance and Adventure

America's Drug Dealers Lacking Sense of Romance and Adventure
It makes perfect sense to us that novelty clothing retailer J. Peterman is selling 19th century Gallic drug paraphernalia — who better to cultivate as your customer base than coke dealers? They've got lots of disposable income, their tastes are extravagant, and yet they're typically stuck on the same shitty corner of West Baltimore day after day. (Every thing we know about coke dealing we learned from The Wire.) They might dream of exploring out-of-the-way tapas bars in Andalucia, but who's got the time? There's a recession on and people want their coke! So they do the next best thing and buy objects imbued with history, local color, the exoticism of faraway places — like cast iron counter scales made in France in the late 1800s. Right?

Maybe not. J. Peterman has a full complement of one-of-kind antique kilo scales for sale, all of them heavily discounted. Apparently our coke dealers are such Type A killjoys they don't even have time for adventure consumerism. Come on, drug dealers, live a little! Relax for five minutes and buy an authentic Italian Cinquecento scale. You deserve it!

POURCAST

BETA

Southside (MB-Bastardized)

  • 2 oz gin
  • 1 oz fresh lemon juice
  • 1 sugar cube (or half teaspoon simple sugar)
  • soda water (if desired)

Place the sugar cube at the bottom of a lowball glass, add the fresh lemon juice, and mash with the back of a spoon. Fill two-thirds with ice and the gin and stir for at least 30 seconds. Add soda water, if desired, and give a quick stir. Garnish with a lemon wedge.


In-Depth Southside (MB-Bastardized) Coverage:

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