When Tiger Woods finally addressed the media after his sex scandal last year, his statement included 3 "sorrys," 1 "apologize" and 0 "regrets." By contrast, Representative Anthony Weiner's opening statement included 4 "sorrys," 1 "apologize" and 1 "regret."
In other words, Anthony Weiner apologized 33% harder than Tiger Woods, and he didn't even nail any of these chicks!
But do you know what Anthony Weiner didn't apologize for? His promiscuous flag pin usage. Seriously, when Biggovernment.com released this photo of his remarkably hairless chest, we initially thought, "No, that can't be him ... no flag pin. He wears that stupid thing every time a camera's within 500 feet."
Later in the day, however, the horny Congressman admitted to and apologized for almost everything — the dick pics, the sexting, the lying. It was a sad, sordid performance, but let's hope, amidst all the political maneuverings and voyeuristic speculation that's sure to follow, its essential lessons are not lost in the hubbub:
1) When you're peppering Internet strangers with questions about their blow-job skills, that's when you should be discreet. When Andrew Breitbart accuses you of tweeting glamour shots of your dong to your Twitter followers, and you actually did tweet glamour shots of your dong to your Twitter followers, that's when you should be totally candid and transparent.
2) If you're 46 years old and your chest is smoother than an 18-year-old stripper's cooch, you have vanity issues.
3) Never wear a flag pin.
Earlier: Hal Holbrook in 1973's The Enforcer. The original American flag lapel pin?