Magnificent Bastard

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Ask the MB: You're Selling Skinny Ties!

Ask the MB: You're Selling Skinny Ties!

Q: Before you went Eat, Pray, Love you used to rail against the skinny tie. Like RAIL against it. Now you've come back and opened a store that sells only skinny ties. Do you find this at all ironic?
—Andrew

A: Your note made us smile gently. Yes, partially because we've been project-vomiting gratitude out of our heart-holes ever since we returned from our extended Eat, Pray, Love sabbatical. But also because we took your conclusions about our store as strong evidence that you've been drinking Magnificent Bastards in unrestrained fashion.

We suppose if you strapped our Adam Smith cashmere belts around your neck (pictured in Chocolate Sandwich Cookie), they might qualify as skinny ties. We don't advise that.

Meanwhile, Joseph Kandell, Dan Feinbaum, and Steve Price used to be skinny ties. But they're no more skinny ties now than Mike Ditka's a football coach or Jon Gosselin's a TV star. They've moved on and have entirely new jobs. Like millions of folks in a rapidly shifting economy, they've made a strategic career pivot, acquired new skills and new training, updated their LinkedIn profiles, and now make their living as belts.

Finally, there are our actual ties. All of them are exactly 3 1/8 inches wide at their widest point. Perfect now, perfect forever. Only a Jezebel columnist determined to shift body size norms would think to call that skinny. Or possibly someone who has just enjoyed a half dozen or so MBs.

Also: We still don't like skinny ties. But we thought of a compassionate way to eradicate them from America. Stay tuned for more on this soon.


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