Magnificent Bastard

Saturday, August 30, 2014

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Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag

Let's all try and avoid these devastating fashion faux pas.

backwards baseball cap
1.

backwards
baseball hat

Do you play catcher for a major league ball club? Minor league? Local softball team? No? Then don't do this.


oakley blades
2.

oakley blades

Your Tour de France riding days are over, pal.


bluetooth headset
3.

bluetooth headset

1. Trust us, you're not that important.
2. You're now just one-degree removed from Lando Calrissian's bald android assistant.


gold necklace
4.

gold necklace

Rap moguls, NBA stars, and Mr. T excluded. Some white guy from the 'burbs, nuh uh.


tommy bahama shirt
5.

tommy bahama shirt

When in Hawaii, this is OK. In the upper 49, toolbag.


national review magazine
6.

national review magazine

In close association with bad style, bad politics.


belt-clipped cellphone
7.

belt-clipped cell phone

Scream "I am a middle manager!" a little louder. The guy across the street didn't hear you.


8.

"cause" wristband

Exceptions made if you or immediate family member is battling various wristband maladies. Otherwise, grab a scissors.


over-the-knee, double-pleated shorts
9.

over-the-knee, double-pleated shorts

Two things wrong here:
1. 4 pleats.
2. Over the knee.


crocs
10.

crocs

The Zubaz of the '00s. Here's a good rule to live by: Never wear the same shoes as your 5-year-old nephew.




POURCAST

BETA

Southside (MB-Bastardized)

  • 2 oz gin
  • 1 oz fresh lemon juice
  • 1 sugar cube (or half teaspoon simple sugar)
  • soda water (if desired)

Place the sugar cube at the bottom of a lowball glass, add the fresh lemon juice, and mash with the back of a spoon. Fill two-thirds with ice and the gin and stir for at least 30 seconds. Add soda water, if desired, and give a quick stir. Garnish with a lemon wedge.


In-Depth Southside (MB-Bastardized) Coverage:

Ask the MB: Spring Cocktail Guide

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