Of course, on a day when bombs — or at least their Las Vegas cousins, Class 1.1G fireworks — are bursting in air, subtlety's a relative concept and some red, white and blue in your wardrobe is completely appropriate. With that mind, here are 5 ways to show your patriotism without looking like Yankee Doodle Toolbag on the 4th of July.
Block Headwear makes our favorite hats. Salute the spirit of Betsy Ross by hiring a seamstress to create a new temporary hatband for you using 67 cents worth of grosgrain ribbon from M&J Trimming. Get the 7/8" size.
SHIRTBoast Tipped Polo
Is President Bush spending the 4th at his trophy ranch in Crawford, sipping a near-beer and wearing a Boast tipped polo like he did in the goold old days? We have no idea, but we like to think so.
WATCH STRAPNATO strap
Give your MB-endorsed Zulu strap a week off and go with a red, white & blue NATO strap. Just $13.
BEER KOOZIERed, White & Blue Beer Koozie
$4.95 for pair
Until Pabst resurrects one of our favorite beer brands of all time, you can pretend it's the real thing with the Red, White & Blue beer koozie.
JACKETMoncler Track Jacket
It's become popular in recent years to bash the French, but while America was fighting for its independence, the French gave us the spirit of Enlightment that would later inform our Constitution, military support, and, we're guessing, some pretty good pastries. Show your gratitude with this Moncler track jacket.
|Larry Page, Google
Never wear a shirt that employed more graphic designers than your home page did.
|Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook
Facebook Beacon was actually only Zuckerberg’s second worst invention. His first? Business Fleece.
|Dick Costolo, Twitter
This shirt is so over capacity in the arms and torso it could fit the #failwhale
|Andrew Mason, Groupon
Mason models the answer to the question: Is there anything on the planet so worthless even Groupon can't unload a few thousand SKUs of it at 90 percent off?
|Tim Cook, Apple
Stylistically, Steve Jobs left some very tiny shoes to fill at Apple. But Cook's baggy "Reverse Hansbrough" is barely an upgrade to Jobs' perennial toolbag trifecta of Dad jeans, turtlemock, and New Balance 992s.
Listen, dawg. You're probably hitting the gym, doing your tanning, and picking up fresh laundry every day. And maybe you've had some success beating up the beat and creeping on chicks in the club. But do you really think your situation is where it needs to be? Be honest with yourself, bro.
This book here will take your game to a level thought unattainable, given your physical limitations (because we can't all look like Rambo, pretty much, with our shirt off). We start with GTL-the bedrock of life itself. And then we hit the GTL Remix-the rules for getting your personal grooming did. From there it's my guide to the Jersey Shore, battle plans for the club, a primer on grenades and wingmen, and tips for ridding yourself of all levels of clinger. Then I look at the big picture: how to cook the perfect lasagna, how to find a life partner, and how to deal with being one of the most famous people on the planet-which is guaranteed if you follow my advice.
This is the bible for Situation Nation. Read it, live it, and crush it.
UPDATE: Reader Dan astutely observes: "Just in case you missed it, the amazon link you provided for The Situation's book has only two tags: 'hey ma' and 'euthanasia.' Perfection."
|Death before dishonor. Dishonor before taste.|
|Totally about to kick the shit out of a car with his awesome business casual fighting skills. Or maybe doing the robot.|
|Apparently it hurts to wear this shirt almost as much as it hurts to look at it.|
|Flawless cigarette positioning completely destroyed by the fact that he's riding the world's only Oakley-branded lawnmower.|
|Toolbag Hold 'Em: I'll see your camo pants, and your beer gut, and your stupid hand gesture, and your lame backward Fred cap, and raise you a completely ridiculous bro-face!|
|Three-step plan to camouflage your bald spot: 1) Borrow Tommy Lee's belt. 2) Accessorize with Urkel's cell phone holster. 3) Go full frontal muffin top.|
|Using only the power of his mind, the Toolbag of the Millenium attempts to destroy the timeless style of the plain white tee.|
One aide estimated that she spent "tens of thousands" more than the reported $150,000, and that $20,000 to $40,000 went to buy clothes for her husband. Some articles of clothing have apparently been lost. An angry aide characterized the shopping spree as "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," and said the truth will eventually come out when the Republican Party audits its books.We find this report a little hard to believe. Unless he's buying gold-plated boxers, there just ain't no way $20-$40K is going for cheap-looking 3-button black suits, shiny red silk ties, logoed fleece, and square-toe oxfords.
Her recent events drew scruffy high-schoolers in backward baseball caps, tank-topped bikers in bandanas and long-bearded veterans in berets. They crashed the rope line for photos and autographs. "Marry me, Sarah," a man implored in Weirs Beach, N.H., while Ms. Palin held up a tow-headed toddler and patted his little chest. She ignored, or didn't hear, the proposal, but signed the dude's ratty baseball cap.Shouldn't Tony Romo be studying game film?
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Q: Hey MB! I'm going to buy your
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