Not sure if you should wear that Tommy Bahama shirt out tonight? The magnificent bastard is here to help. Go ahead. Ask away.
Q: So my cheap Target sunglasses finally broke recently, and I'm upgrading to Randolph aviators. In regards to frame style, my instinct screams bayonet, but I've noticed toolbag frames are usually bayonet. For the up-and-coming, detail-driven magnificent bastard, what is your recommendation?
A: Never ignore a screaming instinct, we always say. They happen to be right a lot.
While we agree that some toolbag frames are bayonet, Randolph Engineering aviators with bayonet temples are worn by two of our all-time favorite fictional characters: Col. Kilgore in Apocalypse Now (upper left) and Don Draper in Mad Men (upper right), both of whom would certainly qualify as MBs.
As long as you don't shave your head into a mohawk, wear an oversized Army jacket, and plan on assassinating a presidential candidate, you're good.
Earlier: Col. Kilgore's Bracelet and Dog Tag Accessorization
Magnificent Bastard is collaborating with this year's Michael Bastian x Randolph Engineering collaboration and giving away a pair of the MBxRE sunglasses. What do you have to do to win? Simply identify the six celebrities wearing Randolph Engineering frames below and identify the Randolph Engineering frame they're all wearing (hint: note the singular use of the word "frame") and email your answer to firstname.lastname@example.org.
The winner will get to pick their favorite MBxRE frame whether it be the Sportsman, the Aviator, the Aviator II, the Intruder, or the P3 in any combination of frame and lens color. It's between a $165 and $225 value. The deadline to enter is Friday, October 7. We'll put all the correct entries into our Super Bowl XLV hat and pick a winner to be announced on Monday, October 10. Good luck!
The correct answers are:
They are all wearing the Randolph Engineering Aviator frame
Congratulations to reader Eric Bangerter for being skilled enough to answer correctly, and being lucky enough to have his name randomly picked from a hat. Way to go.
Q: There are a few of us out here for whom summer consists of more than watching golf on TV and sipping watermelon sidecars. Your stance on sunglasses reveals an effete sensibility and offers no help to the runners, bikers, hikers, and Sunday afternoon softballers who can't exactly get away with a pair of Randolph Engineering Aviators (there, your monthly plug is taken care of). There has to be an athletic frame out there that is more practical than a fashion pair but still cool enough to get some looks at the postgame bier garten.
A: Clearly you don't watch golf us as philosophically as we do, Joe — we're pretty sure we burn more calories scratching our heads at Phil Mickelson's questionable course management than we ever would standing in center field watching some tubby slugger who flunked Little League playing make-believe like he's Albert Pujols.
We'd also like to point out that combat-ready sunglasses qualify as hiking-ready too, even if you're anticipating some serious incoming fire from the local bluejays. Perhaps more importantly, if you're truly planning to engage in some high-level physical activity, ditching your sunglasses altogether is your best bet. When was the last time you saw an elite marathoner, a 6-time Wimbledon champ, or even a world-class sexter wearing sunglasses in the heat of battle?
As for getting looks at the postgame bier garten, there are no sunglasses on earth with the ability to make you look cool while wearing a softball uniform. So change, put on a pair of sunglasses that are purpose-built for sedentary leisure, and raise a cold one to the effete bastards who are always willing to consider life's big issues on your behalf.
Q: With spring well underway, it seems an appropriate to engage in the time-honored game of "ID the sunglasses" -- Jon Hamm sports these, in my opinion, to great effect. They seem to offer the wearer UV protection along with hiding a gentleman's lusty glances from pesky wives or mistresses who may be lurking around. What are they, and are my MB instincts correct?
A: Don Draper's sunglasses are Randolph Engineering aviators, of course, and have made numerous appearances on the big screen, too, most famously on Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro) in Taxi Driver and Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore (Robert Duvall) in Apocalypse Now. Most of Mad Men style is on the wrong side of the trend curve, but Randolph aviators are as timeless as daytime drinking and womanizing. Get 'em here.