Magnificent Bastard

Friday, October 28, 2016

From the Shop ↷

Game-Day Belt

Facepainting & foam fingers are not you. A belt made of NFL football leather is. Understated fanaticism FTW!

Game-Day Luxury Box

Transport your game-day suds in style, on a carpet of AstroTurf & a handle made of NFL football leather

Secret Agent Belt

Look like a fictional British Secret Service agent for just $30.07

300-Year Sterling Silver Buckle Belt

Built to look great forever — even if you live to 300

Ask the MB: Wool Pants for Grown-Ups

Ask the MB: Wool Pants for Grown-Ups

Q: I bought some trousers a few years ago when I was just starting to dress myself like a grown-up. They're wearing out now, and I was wondering what brands you recommend for wool slacks in the $150–$200/pair range. It seems like all I can find while I'm searching are recommendations for budget brands for poor college newly-grads.
— Bryson

A: Bryson, we suspect J. Crew is in the process of sending you a catalog a week for the next 20 years, because you sound like exactly the sort of customer they hope to corral. And truth be told, while we have railed against the Ludlowization of the Millennial suit market, we really have no objection to below-the-waist Ludlowization. The pants are fine once you eliminate the crease and there are a number of iterations in your price range.

But rather than be like everyone else, make your own path and try a brand like Maison Margiela 14. They make terrific trousers, and while their standard 100% wool pant would easily win a fistfight behind a gym against the Ludlow, try this 60-40 wool/cotton blend, which will reduce itch by at least 40%. And go with the sneakers.

Unsafe if They Paid You: Rick Owens Knit Hat

Unsafe if They Paid You: Rick Owens Knit Hat

For many years we've promoted the Naderian/Corvairain Unsafe at Any Price category, but Rick Owens has upped the ante and may get us to soon create a new Unsafe if They Paid You tag with his pointy knit 100% wool hat.

At its most benign interpretation, it's an executioner's hat. At worst this is headwear favored by David Duke when it's chilly in New Orleans.

Earlier: Rick Owens' seemingly inexhaustible ability to create ludicrous menswear.



Yes Barack Obama still wears that ridiculous wife-beater beneath a dress shirt. And a flag pin. And yes his ties have recently grown so comically long we fear a Trump tie label may be on the verge of grabbing the President's nutsack. But we're encouraged — and also intrigued — by Obama's regular removal of his wedding ring.

Lately whenever he's about to meet crowds or on the stump, he pockets it.

Speculation has been running high about why Obama does, and the leading theory — that he does it to protect the ring from would-be thieves — makes no sense at all. First, he shakes hands with his right hand, not his left. Second, there's a reason you've heard of "pickpockets" but not "pickfingers" — it's much easier to lift a ring from the former rather than the latter.

But the notion that Obama has big plans for his First 100 Days out of office doesn't wash either. Even armed with those Trumpian ties and some Tic Tacs®, we just don't see him stepping out on Michelle any time soon. Which, as faithful readers have already no doubt deduced, leaves only one plausible explanation: The lame duck leader of the free world is finally adopting at least one Magnificent Bastard principle.

Ask the MB: Blazer Lapel Width Too Narrow?

Ask the MB: Blazer Lapel Width Too Narrow?

Q: Bought a new David Naman blue velvet blazer on YOOX. The lapels are a little too thin. What's an MB to do? I have 19 days to return it.
— Aaron

A: We could answer this very quickly, but this is important, so indulge us for a bit.

David Naman makes some of the highest style/price-ratio clothes in the world. But your assessment — "a little too thin" — is right on the nose. They are what we call "Keira Knightly thin." Which is to say, not alarmingly emaciated supermodel thin, but still a little narrow for our taste. We are longtime advocates of ties that are at least 3" wide, and lapels that echo them. For us, any blazer with a lapel narrower than 3" is catch-and-release.

More importantly, if you ever have a second thought about a sartorial purchase, follow a key MB principle and always return it, no matter what the price or savings. Keeping an item you're not thrilled with leads to regret, and regret — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but always inevitably — leads to a search for a red clothing dumpster that is not so overflowing with Dockers and Crocs that it can accommodate your cast-offs too. We cannot stress this enough: You can ultimately learn to adapt to the quirks, anomalies, and even deficiencies in other human beings, but your clothes and your shoes must be perfect. No compromises. When you compromise, you're stealing from yourself.

So are you going to return that blazer? Of course you are.

What You Can Learn From: Arnold Palmer

RIP: The King
RIP: The King
Rock the cardi. Never button the top or bottom. Ben, you're doing it wrong.
Always button N-2 on polos. Jack and Gary, take a lesson.
When shaking hands, always look the other guy directly in the eye. Nixon didn't get it. Both Kings did.
Show a woman you're there to help her be the best version of herself, and you'll even get lucky wearing Vycron polyester.
Be your own boss.

Ask the MB: Pants that Fit an Athletic MB That Don't Crush the Crotch

Ask the MB: Pants that Fit an Athletic MB That Don't Crush the Crotch

Q: Long time reader with a style query:

For years, I have been unable to find casual pants that offer an appropriate degree of slimness and rise. For background, I lift weights moderately and exercise regularly so I never feel like my thighs have enough room in most standard slim-fit pants (H&M, Uniqlo, Levi's, etc.) On top of that, most slim-fit pants I've tried are low rise which seem - at least to me - to be too constricting in the crotch area, and leave me looking like a flat-assed teenager. The problem is that regular fit or straight fit pants invariably have a rather schlubby box fit below and above the thigh, which really becomes apparent after a few washes. What is the correct amount of slimness and rise in a pair of pants for an athletic MB, and where should I look for this elusive clothing.

A: George, have you considered skipping leg day?

We consider ourselves quite athletic and actually quite like to be a little bound through the thigh, and yes, even the crotch. We're not talking yoga-pant or needy girlfriend-level constriction here, just enough to feel vital, and remind us of why we bothered to ride 40 miles on a Saturday morning with a hangover so raging it felt like our head was the victim of an Andrew W.K. drum solo.

If that's not your thing, we don't judge. It's just that finding a stylish higher-rise pant with ample thigh room and a non-boxy fit through the thigh is like finding a Trump supporter who can actually afford to spend a night in a Trump hotel.

One suggestion, besides the simple, yet unacceptable solutions of parachute pants or Zubaz, is AG's "Graduate" fit. They're a little fuller through the thigh and still end up at just 7.75" at the ankle, a full ½" narrower than the Levi's 514 equivalent. Give them a try and let us know what you think

Ask the MB: White Pants Deadline

Ask the MB: White Pants Deadline

How much longer can I get away with wearing white pants? With global warming in full swing I'm thinking Columbus Day. What brand of white pants should I wear now?
—Best, Aaron.

A: While Earth has warmed since we last addressed this issue in 2011, we adhere to our advice that white is OK up until the end of the MLB regular season — check the schedule — or until it's still warm enough to have sex outside, whichever is later.

However, recognizing that this is a big country spanning many latitudes — a white pants end date should be different if you live in Fargo or Flagstaff — we added an important corollary to our White Pants Doctrine, and allow an additional 5-day window for each latitudinal degree your location is south of 44° N. Until we create a Google Maps app to show this, the above map shall suffice.

In short, Aaron, depending on where you live, your Columbus Day deadline may be right on the money. Or if you're south of the Mason Dixon line you're abandoning white pants potentially a month too soon. Please look at the map. If you have any questions let us know.

As for brand of white pants, we go primarily for denim these days and can strongly endorse the Uniqlo Selvedge Slim-Fit Jean. Now on sale for $34.90, we're pretty confident in saying they're the best white selvedge denim value on the market. Vanity waist sizing in effect.

MB Endorses: New Look Polo Shirts

New Look polo. Not endorsed: tattoos and buttoning approach via ASOS, $13.00
New Look polo. Not endorsed: tattoos and buttoning approach via ASOS. $13.00.

Last spring we recommended ASOS white polo shirts as an option for disposable knitwear when it's all but guaranteed to suffer a 100 percent casualty rate amidst the chaos of summer leisuring. While the ASOS shirts have deflated to $16.50 from $18.00 in the past 18 months, we've found an even better option for Indian Summer 2016 and Regular Summer 2017: New Look.

They share the same athletic-but-not-binding fit, have printed tags, and also a pedigree; previously-purchased New Look gear has been well made and rugged. The best part: they're 13 bucks.

The only downside is the increased level of first-world guilt. While the ASOS shirts are made in Indonesia, New Look polos are made in Bangladesh, which makes Indonesian production look like a Hermès factory. We've found the best solution for dealing with this issue is consuming an additional ½ Magnificent Bastard cocktail.

Obama Goes Deep

Obama Goes Deep

Fresh off July's disastrous departure from Marine One, this week President Barack Obama bounced back with perhaps his best Marine One exit yet. Yes, his pants still have creases. Yes, his sleeves are rolled below the elbow. And yes, he is still wearing a wedding ring. But he's ditched the white crewneck undershirt, and even displayed a measurable degree of artful dishevelment, a core MB principle. In fact, we believe this is the first time in his presidency that he's worn a woven with two buttons undone.

We're about 99% sure that last statement is true, but will happily be proven wrong in order to give stuff away. The first reader to send us a photo of Barack Obama as president in a woven shirt with two buttons unbuttoned wins their choice of an MB tie or an MB wallet. Send your proof to today!

Ask the MB: Affordable Wedding Tuxedo

The Best Tuxedo Value on the Internet?
The Best Tuxedo Value on the Internet?

Hey folks, I recently popped the question to my longtime girlfriend, and for some reason, she said yes.

I would love to marry the woman of my dreams in an equally incredible tuxedo. I have no clue where to start, but I want something cool and classic with a pop. Money is an object, but the right suiting is worth it. Be my sherpas and (please!) point me in a direction.

A: Mike, we are both honored and humbled that you would ask us for advice on what might be the biggest mistake day of your life.

We adhere to our 2008 stance and say a wedding tuxedo should be able to stand a 100 year test of time. While it's been only 8 years since we recommended the classic Ralph Lauren peak lapel version, it looks as good now as it did when John McCain was running for president.

The only catch is it's $1,395, up from $1,350. There is bigger value to be had.

Until ASOS and UNIQLO start making tuxedos, we shall rely on YOOX, where there is an additional 25% off through August 26. Here are some suggestions that meet our style requirements:

Boss Black. $551 ($413 with 25% discount)
DSquared2. $1,182 ($886)
Lanvin. $1,117 ($838)
Gucci. $1,307 ($980)

All of these options are fairly similar, aesthetics-wise, so choose the one that's the best fit for your wallet and your torso. If you're feeling symbolic, give extra consideration to the DSquared2, which is 5 percent elastane. Normally, we're against synthetics, but any marriage built for the long haul can always use a tiny amount of stretch.

Apply your savings towards your shoes, shirt, tie, and if you want a good deal on groomsmen gifts, we'll be happy to work something out to help you celebrate your big day.

Best of luck to you and your new bride, and let us know what you end up deciding on.

Meanwhile, check out our wedding ring advice.

Ask the MB: Kiehl's Facial Fuel New Formula

Top: Greatness. Bottom: Crap.
Top: Greatness. Bottom: Crap.

Q: Hi, I was wondering why the post about the reformulated Kiehl's Facial Fuel SPF 15 from last year is no longer on the site... Have they changed it back to the previous version? Asking hopefully...

A: No, last year's post about Kiehl's Facial Fuel is still here, and no, Kiehl's has ignored the angry mob and defiantly stuck with their version of New Coke. Meanwhile, fans have resorted to trying an online petition to bring back the old formula:

Date: May 3, 2016
Stars: 1
Reviewer: olddays

Review: how many negative reviews of this new formula will it take for a response from the company? should i start a campaign? the new spf facial fuel is thick and disgusting! it smells and feels like cr*p!

We have long since pivoted to Neutrogena's sunscreen + Retinol Age Fighter Face Moisturizer with sunscreen SPF 15. In spite of the burn, at just $8.92 an ounce this is the best value in a sunscreen + age-fighting combo. (Not counting a bottle of Bulleit, of course.)

But when we're flush our horse is still Verso Skincare Day Cream. It's 15 SPF + Retinol 8, which is the Retinol equivalent of the US Women's Basketball team, while regular Retinol approximates a less-good Senegal. The going rate for a 1.69 oz. bottle of this stuff is $100 ($59.17/oz.), but we've unearthed a rare discount for $80. Yes, $47.33/oz. is more than Hermès Eau de Toilette Bel Objet but it's worth it. Try it and let us know what you think.

Ask the MB: NATO Watch Straps

The Skybolt. A playful and noisy strap to wear when the rest of your outfit is quiet.
The Skybolt. A playful and noisy strap to wear when the rest of your outfit is quiet.

Q: Any recommendations for a brand of Nato straps for my watch? There are a ton of companies/versions out there now.

A: Yes, by our accounting there are now are at least as many online NATO watch strap sellers as there are NATO member states!

We've had very good luck with one of them, named, aptly, NATO Strap Co.. They offer a wide variety of quality straps, a 30% discount when you order 5 or more, and frequent promotions. And while they don't have naming or storytelling elan or quite like "The Buscemi" or "The Pretty Nice Rack," they do at least attempt differentiation on what's essentially become a commodity item with "The Black Ops" and "The Inmate."

Give them a shot and let us know what you think.

Earlier: Will the Real James Bond Watch Strap Please Stand Up?

The Greatest Outfit Change in Open History

Left: Stenson lining up his birdie putt on 16, what he called the most pressure stroke of the round.
Left: Stenson lining up his birdie putt on 16, what he called the most pressure stroke of the round.

This award goes to Henrik Stenson, Champion Golfer of the Year, who discarded his toolbag long-sleeve Hugo Boss synthetic mock turtleneck underwear on the 17th tee, just in time to hoist the Claret Jug in a polo. It's the best sartorial move in the 145-year history of the tournament. Well done Henrik.

Dress for the Job You Want, Not the One You Have

President Obama returning from NATO Summit, July 11 2016
President Obama returning from NATO Summit, July 11 2016

Given the alternatives, we wager President Obama would have a credible shot at overturning the 22nd Amendment this fall. But apparently he has higher aspirations than a third term. Comments he made in a Bloomberg interview suggest he may be contemplating a career as a venture capitalist or Silicon Valley CEO.

The President says his interest in science and organization would correlate well with a new life in Silicon Valley. For us, though, it's the outfit he wore when returning from his recent trip to Europe that shows how perfectly ill-suited he is for the highest echelons of high-tech.

In this expert take on Partners Meeting Casual, the President compresses so many awful touches into a single ensemble we imagine he must have access to some fashion-centric version of the Pied Piper platform. While he may not be ready to compete with Zuck or Larry Page yet, we'll certainly put him up against, say, John Doerr or Jeff Bezos. As soon as he ditches that helicopter for a Tesla, that is.

What's wrong exactly? Here's our quick assessment, with links to where we've covered these issues in the past:

See also: From Cool to Tool: Tracking Barack Obama's Descent Into Toolbaggery

Ask the MB: Black Tie for a Funeral

Ask the MB: Black Tie for a Funeral

Q: I need an exceptional black tie for a funeral this Saturday; it will be paired with a black Hardy Amies suit, white shirt, black shoes. Can you help? Sounds simple but a classy black tie is not that easy to find. Sorry such short notice.

A: We understand your dilemma. A black tie sounds simple, but you want to look like Bobby Kennedy — or even Ted — not the lead singer for The Knack or a Halloween mobster. Especially at a funeral. What that means is nothing too shiny, nothing too skinny, nothing too wide.

Our first choice is this Lanvin — which weighs in at the exactly proper MB tie width of 3⅛ — but there's only one left. So either act fast or be prepared to settle for this Brooks Brothers number — which will do in a pinch but does not quite possess the strikingly generic elan of the Lanvin. So we say act fast.

Ask the MB: Blue Blazer for Summer Wedding

Ask the MB: Blue Blazer for Summer Wedding

Q: Want to get your expert opinion on a blazer I'm looking at for a summer wedding in a few days. It's between this Vineyard Vines version (I would not go as preppy as the guy in the picture), this one from Golden Goose, and finally this one from MM by Mariomatteo. What you say, o' Fashionistas?

A: Let's break these down using a modified PMI Chart.

  Plus Minus Interesting Score
Vineyard Vines
—Horn Buttons (+2)
—Dual Vent (+3)
Ends at Nutbag (+4)
—Photographic Pairing with White Pants (+5)
—Strictly Spring/Summer (-3)
—Exposed Interlining on Flap Pockets (-3)
—Dated Lapels (-4)
—"Imported" (-1)
—Price [$395] (-2)
—VV founders do not inspire confidence; may actually register positively on the toolbag self-assessment (-5)
—Endorsed by John Kerry (-3)
Golden Goose
—Functional Buttonholes (+3)
—Updated Lapels (+4)
Ends at Nutbag (+4)
—4-Season (+4)
—Made in Italy (+3)
—Patterned Fabric (-2)
—Single Vent (-1)
—S/M/L Sizing (-2)
—Price [$312] (-1)
—Golden Goose generally makes great gear (+3) 15
—Price [$198] (+4)
—Dual Vent (+3)
—Patch Pockets (+4)
—4-Season (+4)
—Updated Lapels (+4)
Ends at Nutbag (+4)
—Made in Italy (+3)
—Non-functional Buttonholes (-3) —MB founders own MM blazers, and with some aftermarket buttonholing, they've been terrific buys (+5) 28

Considering a few items and can't decide? Ask away and we'll apply modified PMI methodology to your sartorial conundrums.

Style Red Card: Recklessly Foul Play

Style Red Card: Recklessly Foul Play

Here is 56-year-old Joachim Loew, head coach of the German national team, during today's European Championship game against Ukraine. As you can see, Loew's compression tee is age-inappropriate, waist-inappropriate, and pit-inappropriate — which is a lot of violations to pack into a single t-shirt. We're not sure what he's celebrating, but we're hoping it's an emergency antiperspirant air-drop.

Earlier: 2010 World Cup quarterfinal predictions based on coaches' style

Rick Owens Cargo Sandals: Unsafe at Any Price?

Black/White Cargo Sandal via Totokaelo, $457.50
Black/White Cargo Sandal via Totokaelo. $457.50.

Over the years, Rick Owens has won our grudging admiration for his seemingly inexhaustible ability to create ludicrous menswear. Case in point: These "cargo sandals," which to our eye look like an ugly sports wallet/blood-pressure cuff roosting on a orthopedic forearm splint, which in turn is built on a foamy, Croc-likes sole as imagined by the set designer of Saw III.

As aesthetically awful as they are, what puts them over the top for us is the paradoxical illogic of their ostensible utility. Our contention: Any man who would ever consider wearing cargo pockets on his ankles would in fact already be wearing cargo shorts with more pockets than anyone wearing shorts should ever need. So why would he require even more carrying capacity?

We have two theories here.

1) These sandals are designed for ambivalent nudists, who are drawn to their capacity to both carry a wallet and keys and also distract attention from the fact that the wearer is otherwise naked. With these sandals, we're fairly certain, you could walk buck-naked into a boardroom and everyone's primary response would be, "What the fuck are you wearing on your feet?"

2) Rick Owens is a crazy genius whose thought processes we should not even attempt to decipher.

Currently we are learning toward the second option and starting to think about Rick Owens in a new way. While we continue to maintain that you should never ever wear his most ridiculous offerings, it has crossed our minds that we should begin to collect some of these things as a kind of conceptual art, for display inside sterile vitrines that we would surreptitiously install into, say, Lars Ulrich's man cave.

The takeaway: If these sandals drop from their current sale price of $457.50 to $300 or below, we may put our plans into action.

Ask the MB: Does the Minimum Viable Wallet Work?

Ask the MB: Does the Minimum Viable Wallet Work?

Q: My wang is out for the Horween MVW, but only a video will convince me that the elastic strap will be hold what matters. Need to see it in action.

Here's the Minimum Viable Wallet in Horween Chromexcel Brown and Lambeau Pride strap, fitted with two cards and three Jacksons, held by Donald Trump's tiny hand, in front of some of our best friends.

Just because it's the MVW doesn't mean it hasn't gone through extensive development and QA. Over the past 12 months we've tweaked every element of the platform and its plug-ins to bring you the best in minimalist wallet technology.

Introducing The Minimum Viable Wallet

Minimum Viable Wallet in Horween Chromexcel Brown via Magnificent Bastard, $25.00
Minimum Viable Wallet in Horween Chromexcel Brown via Magnificent Bastard. $25.00.

Are you walking around with a piece of 19th century technology in your back pocket? Today, we introduce the antidote to bulky, obsolete legacy billfolds that were designed for an era when wallets moonlighted as photo albums: The Minimum Viable Wallet.

We start with a single folded piece of Horween leather. We add an elastic strap that attaches to the folded piece using two brass clips. You store your credit cards inside the folded leather. You use the elastic strap to secure your cash.

Sure, we could have made it even simpler, but then it would not be viable. What you see here is exactly how much wallet a man with a large line of credit and an enduring desire to occasionally brush his fingertips against a few real bills needs to function in the current moment.

The straps are changeable, because we know a man gets restless, even with his wallet. With our system, you can customize your Minimum Viable Wallet as the situation warrants. Going to the game? Then you'll need the Lambeau Pride strap. Meeting with Moroccan arms dealers? The Secret Agent works best for that. When you purchase a Minimum Viable Wallet, you get three straps of your choice. And you have three leather platforms to choose from: Horween Chromexcel Brown, Horween Chromexcel Black, and last but definitely not least Horween Latigo Rio. Just $25. Have a look.

All MB Ties On Sale Until July 15 — Including Our New Spring/Summer 2016 Collection

This is what your ties could look like in 2017. Resist the Toolbag Militia!
This is what your ties could look like in 2017. Resist the Toolbag Militia!

The swallows have returned to Capistrano. The Twins are already thinking about next year. And we've made a new batch of ties. Ah, spring! This time around, we've got five new additions to the MB catalog, all made from fabrics produced by a mill in Biella, Italy, then meticulously cut and hand-stitched into the ties you see here in a factory in Queens.

Normally, our ties retail for $60. But these are not normal times. Come January, there's a not-insignificant chance that Donald Trump and his Toolbag Militia, which now includes everyone from Bobby Night to Gavin McInnes, will occupy the White House. We admit how wrong we were on this one. Five years ago we thought there was no chance in hell that Trump could credibly contend for the highest office in the land.

But while Trump claims his goal is to make America great again, his track record suggests otherwise, at least when it comes to neckwear. For years, Trump has made shiny corporate ball-ticklers in Chinese factories and fed them to hapless toolbags at approximately $60 a piece.

His alleged rationale: He can't find American manufacturers who can deliver this product at competitive prices.

Last summer, we explained the shortcomings of that argument. To make Magnificent Bastard ties, we use a manufacturer based in Queens, New York — aka the town where Trump grew up.

We don't know if we just got lucky, or if we have great instincts, but it wasn't that hard to find this company. The price they charge allows us to sell our ties at the same prices Donald Trump sells his. And we use fabrics produced in Italy, not China.

Now, granted, Trump sold his ties through retail channels, and we sell ours directly to you. But so could he. If he really wanted to support American businesses and offer good value to American consumers — to make America great again — he could do it. But he hasn't, even though it's incredibly easy to do.

Why not? The only rational conclusion is that Donald Trump loves ugly 100 percent Chinese ties. Just look at his neck, right now, wherever he is — that's all the proof you need.

Will any of this change if Trump becomes president? Unlikely. In fact, as recently as two months ago, he was still emphatically pledging his allegiance to ugly Chinese ties.

Our prediction? If Trump is elected president, he will push for a new era of tie control, with regulation that protects his own long-standing business interests by favoring cheap Chinese imports over American-made ties like our own.

Now, in other words, is the time to buy stylish, American-made neckwear. Because when 2017 rolls around, the Toolbag Militia will probably be breaking down doors and confiscating any tie that is not shiny enough to serve as a ribbon on a four-year-old girl's birthday present.

We're not waiting until then to start a resistance movement. We believe it is our duty as Americans to resurrect our Anyone But Trump sale from last summer. What we said then, we say now: Just to prove that good old American know-how and entrepreneurism can still compete with Chinese tie sweatshops equipped with color-blind slave robots, we are offering the following deal, now through July 15 (or until supplies run out): Two Made in USA ties for $60. 4 for $120. 8 for $240. Shipping included. This includes all of our Spring 2016 ties, and every other tie we currently have in inventory. Just be sure to use the code ANYONEBUTTRUMP when ordering. Show your patriotism, and buy now!

Ask the MB: Acceptable Gym Clothes

Ask the MB: Acceptable Gym Clothes

Q: Big fan of your posts. I love your products too. The Emperor's Tourniquet is the best tie in my closet for sure.

So, I hit the gym pretty regularly, it's not as classy as JFK and sailing, but then not all of us own boats and horses. The appalling apparel worn by most men to the gym makes me nauseous (baggy shorts and low cut tank tops - the ones that have armpit holes which show the entire torso). Anyway what are your recommendations for gym clothing and shoes that are acceptably MB and yet functional enough (sweat wicking)?Against my initial apprehensions I am considering some of the men's gear from lululemon - what are your thoughts on the clothing on their website?


A: Good question. At, they advise that "wearing gym clothes out in public" is a major mistake. We take that philosophy a step further. Or maybe even a dumbbell lunge further: Wearing gym clothes in the gym is usually a mistake too.

What makes a man think that because he's working up a sweat his style gets to take a break?

We're not sure. But what we do know is that many men who would never dream of dressing like a toolbag in the office or a bar find bandana headbands, deep armhole tank tops, and over-the-knee polyester mesh shorts perfectly acceptable as long as they are within 50 feet of an elliptical trainer.

That's incorrect.

You're showing the right instinct with that lululemon site, at least in terms of its emphasis on dark, solid colors and clothes that fit closely without getting too clingy. But following our foundational principle of organic materials, we look for workout wear made from merino wool, which we aren't seeing there.

Because no one has ever seen a sheep on a treadmill, or even doing anything except standing still on a hillside, people don't necessarily think of wool as being a good material for the gym. But as lazy cyclists have long known, wool wicks well and doesn't stink even after repeated usage.

Outlier makes our preferred gym shirt, a v-neck short sleeve of 100 percent Merino. Unfortunately, they're currently sold out. We're taking that as a good reason to skip the gym for a while, but if you're feeling more ambitious than us, here's two alternatives: The Wooly Clothing Merino, made in China, and the Rambler's Way Cross Neck Tee, made in the USA.

Finding all-wool shorts is difficult. These days we're settling for this wool blend version from Smartwool.

With shorts, though, we're not as concerned about the materials as we are about some general guidelines. Namely, no stripes and no mesh, and leave any pair that gets within 3 inches of the top of your kneecap to that guy by the weight bench who looks like Guy Fieri's ripped twin.

The Winner of the 6th-Annual Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge Is…

The Winner of the 6th-Annual Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge Is…

Karl Foote.

Karl was part of the 81% of entrants who identified the bespectacled or sunglassified MBs in the 6th Annual Allyn Scura Eyewear Contest. Clockwise from upper left: George Clooney, John Cusack, John Travolta, Robert De Niro, Sean Penn, Woody Harrelson, James Coburn, Louis Gossett Jr., James Earl Jones.

Karl was also part of a much smaller cohort — 11 — who nailed the tiebreaker question (which was biased towards fans of a Terrence Malick masterpiece). "What do they all have in common?" Answer: they all starred in a movie with our spiritual advisor, Nick Nolte.

George Clooney — The Thin Red Line
John Cusack — The Thin Red Line
John Travolta — The Thin Red Line
Robert De Niro — Cape Fear
Sean Penn — The Thin Red Line
Woody Harrelson — The Thin Red Line
James Coburn — Affliction
Louis Gossett Jr. — The Deep
James Earl Jones — Three Fugitives

Finally, Karl lucked out as his entry was randomly selected from the 11, as were the two runner ups. The unfateful eight will receive complimentary letterpress beverage shields for their participation and acumen. (Keep an eye on your inbox for details.)

Karl, enjoy your new pair of Allyn Scura frames. We always recommend the famed Legend, or for a less traditional look, the Sergio. Both are terrific and draw positive feedback as either eyewear or sunglasses. Alternatively, you can put your $125 credit towards a pair of Allyn Scura's vintage frames, like these Carrera 5425 sunglasses, modeled by De Niro in Casino. It's your choice.

MB Endorses: Makers and Riders 3-Season Dispatch Rider Jean

MB Endorses: Makers and Riders 3-Season Dispatch Rider Jean

Regular readers know our affection for Naked and Famous's Snow Pant Denim, indigo jeans designed for the slopes that double as terrific daily cold-weather biking trousers.

Unfortunately, eBay sightings of these long-discontinued pants are rarer than a David Brooks fan at a Donald Trump rally, and here in Minneapolis, winter is sticking around just as stubbornly as John Kasich. We need some more warm cycling-friendly pants.

Enter Makers and Riders' brand-new 3-Season Dispatch Rider Jean.

Honestly, we never imagined we would ever approve of a product made out of "exclusive AeroFleece." But when we saw that Bill Murray was a fan, we figured we'd give them a chance.

Decade after decade, Bill Murray has rarely steered us wrong — and he hasn't this time either. While we don't quite like the Rider jeans as much as we like Caddyshack, we'll put them right up there with Rushmore, Quick Change, and even Groundhog Day. Which is to say, we like them a lot.

Clean and simple styling? Yes. Slimming? Yes. Gusseted crotch, anti-chainring tapered legs, tasteful reflectivity? Yes. Yes. Yes.

They won't work for sub-zero commutes, but with a pair of long underwear we've been plenty comfortable down to 10°F. Without long underwear, we reckon we will wear them into the low to mid 50s, at which they'll be too hot and we'll switch over to shorts.

Like the Snow Pant Denim, the Rider Jeans are versatile. In the same way that Bill Murray was designed for comedy but can handle straight dramatic roles with great skill, the Rider Jeans, designed for cycling, are also awesome shoulder-season golf pants. As Mr. Murray himself has discovered. (You didn't think he was biking to work, did you?).

Rage Against Establishment Casual

Donald J. Trump, potential leader of the first toolbagocgracy, in casualwear look that's winning with voters: open collar shirt, blazer, legible baseball cap.
Donald J. Trump, potential leader of the first toolbagocgracy, in casualwear look that's winning with voters: open collar shirt, blazer, legible baseball cap.

In the 2016 campaign for the White House, conventional wisdom says the electorate is angry with the establishment, and this explains why a short-fingered vulgarian is on the brink of winning the GOP's nomination for president.

True enough, but the analysis lacks depth. Specifically, what is it about the establishment that has everyone so frosted?

We've been developing a theory over the last several months and now believe we've compiled enough evidence to go public with it.

There's one cultural force that blue-collar Republicans, the Mobile Home Majority, disaffected Democrats, and various other constituencies find even more threatening than Mexican immigrants, Syrian refugees, or even ISIS: the zip mock neck sweater.

Have a look:

While we understand the animus underlying this trend, we fear its consequences. A Trump presidency could potentially turn America into the world's first toolbagocracy. Just look at the notables from whom Trump has already collected official endorsements: John Daly. Jerry Falwell, Jr. Hulk Hogan. Ted Nugent. Dennis Rodman. Willie Robertson. Sheriff Joe Arpaio, and the list goes on.

Oh, and just in case you're not already checking real estate prices in New Zealand? Yes, Guy Fieri "could be interested" in a Trump presidency.

America's only hope, as far we see it? Between now and November, somebody's gotta convince Trump to put on zip mock neck sweater.

EARLIER: Ask the MB: What do you think about half-zip sweaters?

MB Contest: 6th Annual Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge

MB Contest: 6th Annual Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge

Welcome to the 6th Kind-of-Annual Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge, sponsored by our all-time favorite eyewear and sunglass outfitter, Allyn Scura.

THE CHALLENGE: Identify the nine bespectacled or sunglassified MBs above and you will be entered to win a pair of Allyn Scura frames ($175 value) or a $125 credit you can apply toward any vintage frames Allyn Scura carries. It's up to you. This year we're sweetening the deal. The runner up gets a Magnificent Bastard tie of his/her choice and 3rd place gets a Secret Agent Belt.

To enter simply fill out the form below with the names of the men pictured, and, in the event of a tie, what they all have in common. One entry per person. USA only. Good luck. The deadline for this contest is Thursday, March 31 at midnight CDT.

Sorry, this contest is closed.




  • 2 parts Hayman's Old Tom Gin
  • 1 part sweet vermouth (Carpano Antica Formula or Dolin Rouge)
  • 1/4 part Luxardo Maraschino liqueur
  • 2 dashes Fee Brothers Whiskey Barrel Aged Bitters

Shake or swirl lightly, garnish with a lemon twist.

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