Ask the MB -- Polo Shirts

What is the Magnificent Bastard take on something I've always thought to be a staple in my closet, the Polo shirt (http://tinyurl.com/32uco2)? I personally have always loved them for casual wear, but want to make sure I'm not a toolbag by doing so.
--Chris

A: Ralph Lauren makes some fine clothing, but why choose a logoed item that's so ... very ... common? So you can look like that middle manager with the penny loafers and Blackberry hanging from his belt? Wait a minute, that's the office calling.

Save yourself $25 and get into something like this slim-fit, unlogoed polo from Barney's Co-Op. No popped collar, and you can show off more of your hard-earned biceps.

posted:

7.2.08

filed under:

• shirts
• ralph lauren
• barneys co-op
• ask the MB

Ask the MB -- Colchester Sneakers

Q: Check out these sneakers I bought last month -- http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=133807945. Interesting history leading up to the development of the shoe. Ok or lame?
--Scott

A: Oh, don't be so coy. You got a pair of the original basketball shoe (yes, before Converse), available only in Japan and obscure trade shows, and you're asking us if they're OK or lame? Another reader who should be on staff, we reckon.

posted:

7.2.08

filed under:

• ask the MB
• sneakers

Rocking the Cowgirl Look

A while back we were asked to guest-answer a question about "rocking the cowgirl look" for a women's style blog. We endorsed it as pure Americana, and then were told we were wrong.

In the meantime, we received the Sundance Summer 2008 catalog and can hardly imagine a hotter look than what was on the cover: tall and lean brunette, in denim, with t-shirt exposing bare midriff, and cowboy hat. Oh, and a '62 Cadillac, too. We'll hang our hat on it. Thanks for the backup, Mr. Redford.

posted:

7.1.08

filed under:

• women

Ask the MB -- Cuffs

Q: I just picked up a new Boss suit with flat front pants. Before taking it to the tailor I was curious what the MB's opinion was on cuffing. Should one cuff only pleated pants or both pleated and flat front, and if so how much of a cuff should be put in place?
--Chris

A: There aren't many cuffs around the MB offices (or pleats), but we're not opposed to them (like pleats). A couple of suggestions if you decide to go that route:

Leg Opening: Cuffs work best on either something dramatically wide or dramatically narrow (pictured).

Cuff Depth: Cuff it like it's not an accident. 2" absolute minimum.

posted:

7.1.08

filed under:

• pants
• ask the MB

Ask the MB -- Will Smith's Sunglasses

Q: What sunglasses is Will Smith wearing in Hancock?
--Andy

A: Finally an easy one. Christian Dior Mist 1 in black. You need to be an especially magnificent bastard to pull these off. Or an alcoholic superhero.

posted:

6.27.08

filed under:

• sunglasses
• celebrities
• ask the MB

Ask the MB -- Pinkie Rings

Q: In a March critique of an Iraqi insurgent's magnificent bastard-dom, you note: "Pinkie ring acceptable only if starring in Scorsese mob picture." With an astute sense of style, I think one could pull this off. I'm thinking Jude Law in The Talented Mr. Ripley (approx. 24 minutes in), with a jade/gold pinkie ring. In almost every situation, I would stay away from gold, but I found a similar ring in Egypt -- very simple and understated, with a small piece of turquoise in it -- if anything, more understated than the film. If done in good taste (not the least bit Rush Limbaugh-esque), would the MB endorse such a ring? Thanks.
--Colin

A: We'll see your Talented Mr. Ripley and raise you an Idiocracy (where writer/director Mike Judge puts everyone in Crocs), featuring 5-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion and U.S. President Dwayne Elizando Mountain Dew Hector Camacho, in a gold pinkie ring.

Let's keep jewelry to an absolute minimum.

posted:

6.26.08

filed under:

• ask the MB
• accessories
• jewelry

Ask the MB -- Penguin Clothing Part II

Q: So I read your "missive" on Penguin clothing and was wondering what you thought about illustrated Penguin t-shirts like this one, featuring a guy teaching a woman how to play golf. Thanks.
--Pete

A: We like anything that demonstrates to the fairer sex the proper:

* grip
* stance width
* waist bend

For golf.

This question reminds us of the old joke about how you teach your girlfriend or wife how to play golf: A bucket of balls, a 1-iron, and a downhill lie.

posted:

6.26.08

filed under:

• ask the MB
• golf
• penguin
• t-shirts
• women
• bluefly

Hillary Clinton -- Unfit for Higher Office

Hillary Clinton returned to the U.S. Senate yesterday, and according to National Public Radio's David Welna, appeared in a "resplendent turquoise pantsuit." Don't be fooled. This is just a politically correct public radio euphemism for "ass-ugly granny wear."

The American people have somewhat clearly spoken: Anyone who dresses like this simply cannot be president.

EARLIER: Hillary in a different turquoise getup nearly one year ago.

posted:

6.25.08

filed under:

• 2008

Ask the MB -- Tucking In Shirts

Q: I like belts, but the only way to show one off is to tuck your shirt in. That works with some shirts, but not all. What shirts do you think can be tucked without looking bad? What thoughts do you have specifically on tucking polo shirts?
--Dustin

A: We have addressed this issue before to some degree with a post entitled "The Tyranny of the Untucked Sport Shirt," and demonstrated different ways of making "tucked-in" work in an MB way.

Regarding polos, sport shirt rules apply: use the shirt's length as a tuck-in guide. For example, the poor fella in the Tommy Bahama polo (top) needs to either tuck it or move down two sizes. Or better yet, change brands. On the other hand, the fitted D&G pique polo (bottom) demands to be untucked.

Make sense?

posted:

6.24.08

filed under:

• ask the MB
• shirts
• tommy bahama
• dolce & gabbana

Ask the MB -- White Linen Suit

Q: I follow your blog religiously and I love the amount of fashion knowledge I gain. However I have a couple of questions, I have a very classy white linen suit that I am planning on wearing in a couple of weeks. I would like to wear it with some tennis shoes to complete my "laid back" look rather than some hard shoes. First, is this appropriate? Secondly, if so, what shoes do you suggest to piece along with an all white linen suit? Do you suggest some all white tennis shoes or something with color in it? I was looking for some shoes along the lines of some Vans or something similar like the Lacoste L34 tennis shoes. Please advise. Thanks!
--Noop

A: You sure you follow this site religiously? You've clearly missed our missive on linen. Noop, your proposed suit is a ticking time bomb. Within seconds you can go from artfully disheveled to looking like some homeless guy who got dressed outside the dumpster at Goodwill. Regardless, you will explode at some point.

At least minimize the bomb's collateral damage by not wearing Vans. Too '90s LA. Plain white tennis shoes can work, as demonstrated by Paul Smith (top). Your best bet though is a pair of sandals, like this option from John Varvatos, and a pedicure. June is pedicure awareness month, after all.

posted:

6.23.08

filed under:

• ask the MB
• suits
• john varvatos
• sandals
• tennis

Magnificent Bastard: Steve McQueen

Our deep-seated issues with legibility and hoods have officially met their match when Dolce & Gabbana puts an original Magnificent Bastard like Steve McQueen on the front of a sweatshirt. (Note McQueen's rolled sleeves, undone top button, four-in-hand knot, and the absence of jewelery.)

posted:

6.23.08

filed under:

• saks fifth avenue
• sweatshirts
• dolce & gabbana
• celebrities

Ask the MB -- Penguin Clothing

Q: I am happy to see that Penguin is at least somewhat MB endorsed. However, much of their offering breaks the rule of logoed clothing -- is there a time and a place for the Penguin logo, or should I stick with their non-branded items?
--Mark

A: Toughest question we've received so far. Logoed Penguin duds were especially cool pre-2003, when you could only find them on ebay or at vintage clothing shops. Now that their rebirth is in its 6th year these items are much more common. Yet it's such an iconic brand, and they still make very good-looking (logoed) clothing it's a real MB dilemma.

Let's look to orignalpenguin.com for guidance:

ORIGINAL PENGUIN by Munsingwear became a staple among the masters of suburban leisure well into the 1980s –- worn by the likes of Arnold Palmer, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Richard Nixon.

posted:

6.18.08

filed under:

• penguin
• celebrities
• ask the MB

Ask the MB -- Class Reunion

Q: Dear MB: Over the past several months, I've come to trust your sense of style and taste. I'm curious to know if the MB is up for the challenge of applying your gift of knowing what's right and wrong in the world of style to the opposite sex. I'm facing my 20-year high school reunion this summer, which will be held at an upscale downtown drinking establishment (no VFW for this group). I'm tall (5'9") and thin in a healthy way. I want an ensemble that conveys success and looks good with a Tanqueray and tonic in hand, and doesn't scream Stepford wife or "I'm a suburban mom of two" (which I am). Do you think you can help?
--Cindy

Of course, dear.

Before we get to our outfit suggestions, a couple of important MB Class Reunion Principles to follow:

#1. Principle of Looking Like You Don't Give a Shit. Try looking like you don't take this event too seriously, like you and your husband were out for a casual dinner or gallery opening and then you thought, "Geez, isn't tonight my 20th class reunion?"

#2. Principle of Investing in Your Wardrobe. Don't waste a penny of precious clothing budget on something like a cocktail dress that you'll wear once. Class reunions are chock full of anticlimax. Splurge, but only on something that will likely be in style at the 30th.

And now on to the recommendations:

Pants: Denim, for sure. Not too tight, with a wide opening to allow the ballet flats (below) just enough room to peek out. For women we're partial to AG (pictured, $82.00 -- on sale) and Hudson, but denim is personal so go with whatever fits you best and makes you feel good.

Top: Something simple and updated, like this Vince sheer jersey tee. $48.00, via Barney's Co-Op. Cap sleeves will increase the already heightened drama of your long appendages.

Footwear: Ballet flats, of course. Consider making your shoes your statement piece (only one allowed per outfit), like these faux snakeskin lowcuts from London Sole ($155.00). Suitable for dancing.

Handbag: Pay tribute to one of the all-time greats (and simultaneously keep it casual) with this Yves Saint Laurent brown pebbled messenger bag. $632.00, via bluefly. There might even be room for a diaper and wipes in there.

Outerwear: What if it rains? Or if the event makes its way outside? Let Rag & Bone protect you from the elements, evening chill, and small talk with their Mac Trench. $585.00, via shopbop.

Accessories: Wow that wedding band of yours is serious business. Communicate your fun side -- you read this site after all -- with something whimsical (and affordable) like this blue lucite bracelet with cameo. $14.99, via Target.

Have fun and let us know how it goes.

posted:

6.17.08

filed under:

• barneys co-op
• vince
• ysl
• target
• rag & bone
• ag
• bluefly
• women
• ask the MB

Ask the MB -- Disneyland Trip

Q: Will be taking the family to Disneyland this summer. What shoe do you recommend that is 1) stylish but that a 40-something can wear, 2) comfortable as hell for walking and standing all day, 3) can take a soaking (for riding Splash Mountain or California River Raft ride), 4) won't break the bank. Afraid to wear the Franks as the soaking may ruin the suede.

A: Frankenclydes hold up well to water, but we see what you mean. You want something that can withstand not just Splash Mountain, but also the Great California Slushie Spill. Apply some OxiClean, toss 'em in the wash, and they'll turn out as good as new.

We're not quite sure what you mean by "won't break the bank" so we'll offer two options:

TOP: Really Magnificent Bastard
Converse by John Varvatos 'Jack Purcell' Sneaker, $94.95, via nordstrom.com.

BOTTOM: Slightly Less Magnificent Bastard
Men's Converse 'One Star' Oxfords - Blue, $29.99, via target.com.

posted:

6.16.08

filed under:

• ask the MB
• converse
• john varvatos

Ask the MB -- Cowgirls

Note: magnificentbastard.com was asked to guest-answer a question at trustyourstyle.com, a lifestyle blog run by the extremely angular designer Mary Jo Matsumoto. And here's what happened:

Q: While shopping this weekend I noticed a lot of tacky women's cowboy hats with crunched up brims in hideous colors. I would never judge a person for their personal style but hasn't this gone on long enough? Madonna wore one in a video 15 years ago and even back then it looked awful. Aren't two season of Rock of Love enough to finally end this travesty?
--Rita

A: What's wrong with judging a person for their personal style? It's a really great timesaver.

While we can't endorse tacky cowboy hats in hideous colors (or two seasons of Rock of Love for that matter), the "cowgirl" look is as American as apple pie and obesity. Love it or leave it, Rita!

Though it doesn't sound like you'll be attempting this look, the trick to making it work is to be sparing with the cowgirl elements, or it'll look like you're late for a date at either the County Fair or the O.K. Corral.

For instance: a cowboy hat with denim and boots = about right. Cowboy hat with denim, boots, and 6-shooter (like Jane Russell) = too much.

Clockwise from upper left: Betty Boop, Lynda Carter, Cher, Veronica Lake, Jane Russell, Jane Fonda.

posted:

6.13.08

filed under:

• celebrities
• ask the MB
• women

Ask the MB -- Sprucing Up the Boyfriend

Q: I've been trying to spruce up the boyfriend for a while now, and it's time for a new messenger bag for him. Do you have any suggestions for a good laptop bag? Thanks in advance.
--Lauren

A: Lauren, first of all, congratulations to you. If you're wondering about laptop bags, a lot of quality "sprucing up" has presumably already been successful, like his personal furnishing, grooming, tie knot, and footwear choices.

An entire section of this web site should be devoted to laptop bags, but until then, the first place we always look for something special is Flight 001. Luckily for you (and your even luckier boyfriend) they currently have this Mandarina Duck briefcase, on sale, designed by Yohji Yamamoto. If you've ever been in contact with luggage from Mandarina Duck, you know there's nothing quite like its fit and finish.

Good luck and keep us posted on how the project is coming along.

posted:

6.12.08

filed under:

• ask the MB
• mandarina duck
• laptop bags

Ask the MB -- Ankle Tattoos

Q: On your "Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag" you forgot to add Number 11 -- trendoid ankle tattoos.
--Brian

A: Only guitar amplifiers go to eleven, not toolbag lists. However, if you look closely at The Toolbag you'll clearly see the "trendoid ankle tattoo."

We consider this matter closed.

posted:

6.11.08

filed under:

• toolbag
• tattoos
• ask the MB

Ask the MB -- Pedicure Awareness Month

Q: Thanks for the pedicure PSA. Open toed sandals + big-jagged-yellow toenails are almost worthy of the official toolbag list. It is really a huge problem out there. In fact, it is probably better that the MB just recommend that open-toed are always completely out and unacceptable in its continued effort to rescue humanity.
--John

A: First, we're not out to rescue humanity. Lost cause! We're out to stop humanity -- specifically men -- from wearing pleated khakis.

Second, your suggestion sounds reasonable until you realize how many wicked good-looking flip flops and sandals are on the market. Most of humanity has wicked-ugly toes, but if you're one of the lucky ones, combine them with a pedicure and sandals and turn them into a valuable summer asset.

posted:

6.11.08

filed under:

• barneys co-op
• paul smith
• sandals
• grooming

Dirty Harry -- Magnificent Bastard

As he's about to kill Scorpio in 1971's Dirty Harry, Clint Eastwood's tie is askew 7.5° to the left, the precise amount of MB artful dishevelment in any vigilante justice situation.

posted:

6.9.08

filed under:

• celebrities
• ties
• artful dishevelment

Ask the MB -- Tall Drink of Waiter

Q: I know that you have long heralded the death of skinny ties, and I mostly agree. However, a skinny (not too skinny, though) tie can be worn well in some situations. I am very young (18), very tall (6'4") and thin. Sometimes I like to wear a black suit with slim lapels and a white shirt and top it off with a slim black tie. Given my circumstances, is this really that bad? Can one not pull off the skinny tie with the right body and suit? Thanks.
--Bo

A: Waiter! Another round of Dewar's. Rocks.

Bo, leave the skinny (even not too skinny) ties to guys like Zac Efron, who use them to appear 5'3" instead of 5'1". Use your God-given stature to your advantage, and try a play on scale, with a short, wide tie ... and a different colored suit.

posted:

6.9.08

filed under:

• ties
• celebrities
• ask the MB

Ask the MB -- Senior Moment

Q: I know you guys love the Style Guy but he just made a huge error in the June edition of GQ. He said that you cannot take out the pleats in pleated trousers. They should buy their suits at MARK SHALE. They do it all the time for no charge and they turn out beautifully.
--Larry

A: We do like Glenn O'Brien (the Style Guy), though as you point out he is dead wrong about about removing pleats. Not just Mark Shale can do it; so can any competent tailor. Maybe he was having a senior moment like his contemporary, John McCain.

posted:

6.9.08

filed under:

• pants
• celebrities
• ask the MB
• 2008

Tom Colicchio -- Unwitting MB Guide

Every Wednesday on Top Chef (Bravo, 10ET, check local listings), host Tom Colicchio is an extraordinarily reliable guide for what not to do. Last night: a wall clock watch.

MB Watch Size Rule: 40mm maximum.

posted:

6.5.08

filed under:

• watches
• celebrities
• accessories

Trying Too Hard: Richard Roeper

Poor guy is nearly 50 and looking increasingly weird and bewildered with spiked hair and the occasional t-shirt under blazer look. On this week's Ebert and Roeper he demonstrates a couple of don'ts:

Don't #1: 3-button blazer; buttoned while seated.
Don't #2: Pants hemmed looking like he's expecting Category 5 hurricane.

Another knock: poor guy recommended Speed Racer, the worst movie of the year by miles.

posted:

6.5.08

filed under:

• pants
• blazers
• celebrities

MB PSA: June is Pedicure Awareness Month

Magnificent Bastard is giving back to the community this month with a PSA (Public Service Announcement), declaring June Pedicure Awareness Month. Soon we'll have links to a nail salon in your area, but in the meantime, if you are without pedicure, here are some recommended closed-toe footwear options to cover up that nasty shit, and spare the rest of us. Please.

From top:

Cole Haan 'Norland' Fisherman Sandal, $185
Bacco Bucci 'Hossa' Slide, $149
Keen 'Maui' Sandal, $29.95
Frye 'Max Fisherman' Sandal, $187.95
To Boot New York 'Weston' Slip-On, $225

All via nordstrom.com.

posted:

6.4.08

filed under:

• sandals
• nordstrom
• grooming

Et tu, Obama?

Apparently Barack Obama's decided that being a black presidential candidate is enough of a handicap that he can't also go without the U.S. flag lapel pin.

Compromising one's accessorization principles is not any way to start a general election, no matter how great a speech you can give, or how perfectly you tie a four-in-hand knot.

posted:

6.4.08

filed under:

• accessories
• 2008

Yves Saint Laurent -- 1936-2008

We're pouring some forties for YSL, who was recently cited in an MB post about pocket squares. Not only was Yves Saint Laurent a fashion icon, he was one of those rare individuals who aspiring MBs could learn from just about every time he was photographed. Take, for instance, this July 1968 picture with Lauren Bacall and daughter Leslie. Velvet suit (in July) with dramatically wide (and short) tie, dressed-down with button-down shirt matched with uber-casual grommet belt. And of course the trademark frames and flowing locks. Brilliant.

posted:

6.2.08

filed under:

• celebrities

Ask the MB -- Bulging Thighs

Q: I work out a lot and am quite muscular, and I have a 32 or 33 inch waist, but most pants are cut for guys with much slimmer legs than me. My bulging thighs look like sausages in pants that otherwise fit me fine. Any tips, besides wearing Zubaz?
--Sam

A: To paraphrase German politician Otto von Bismarck, there are three things it's best not to see being made:

* Laws
* An MB's legs getting turned into sausages, and
* A guy getting into a pair of Zubaz

Sam, first thing you need to do -- something every MB needs to do -- is find a great tailor. For your existing pants, if they are dress pants, he can let out the thigh a bit so your rippling leg muscles have room to flex. A better option is to buy your pants a little larger -- to accomodate your bulges -- and have your tailor slim the waist.

posted:

6.2.08

filed under:

• pants
• ask the MB
• zubaz

Total Toolbag: Harold Ickes

Does anyone in the Clinton campaign have even a shred of style? Hillary is clearly a disaster, and it's rubbed off on senior advisor and head worm Harold Ickes, yesterday on Meet the Press strobing like a discotheque in an ill-fitting checked blazer paired with checked shirt.

posted:

6.2.08

filed under:

• toolbag
• 2008

Ask the MB -- Ballet Flats vs. Heels

Q: What's up with the new "ballet flats" that I've seen women wearing lately? I've watched them in disgust from afar as springtime rolled in and now the inevitable has happened. My wife bought a pair. What do I do? I've conveyed to her in no uncertain terms that women should always be in heels -- out on the town, in the kitchen, in the bedroom, etc. -- but she just does not get it. I'm going to have to steal her flats and hide them. Can you provide backup for me on this?
--Jaison

A: Jaison, we understand your question is mainly for comedic effect, but you know what you really ought to do? Give your wife a hug and a kiss because ballet flats are an all-time classic. Think Audrey Hepburn, regular ballet flat wearer, also an all-time classic, and near the top of the Magnificent Bastard Favorite Babes list.

Though your wife may not wear heels in the bedroom, you done good, son.

posted:

5.29.08

filed under:

• celebrities
• ask the MB

Attack of the Twerps

The June issue of GQ is literally the straw that broke the camel's back. It's got Shia LeBeouf (5'2" 113 lbs.) on the cover. This on the heels of Zac Efron (5'3" 115 lbs.) on the front of the Jan/Feb issue of Details and Hayden Christensen (5'5" 133 lbs.) on the cover of the March Details.

These are men's magazines, not Boys' Life. It's probably too much to ask for this generation to find equivalents to Paul Newman, Marlon Brando, and Burt Lancaster, but Shia Freaking LeBeouf?! His latest role is Indiana Jones's sidekick; or, a slightly taller Short Round. Who's set for the July issue? That 17 year-old guy who was a runner-up on American Idol?

posted:

5.27.08

filed under:

• misc
• celebrities