Magnificent Bastard

Sunday, November 23, 2014

celebrities

Achieving Double-O DiMaso

Deadstock Girard 3700 Sunglasses via Magnificent Bastard, $195.00
Deadstock Girard 3700 Sunglasses via Magnificent Bastard. $195.00.

If you're a regular at our shop, then you may have noticed that we added a new product earlier this week — deadstock Girard 3700 sunglasses as worn by Bradley Cooper in American Hustle.

As we explain in the shop, just putting on these mint-condition specimens from the golden era of aviator glasses will make you feel bolder, nobler, and a little reckless. But what we only learned today, through further self-experimentation, is what happens when you pair the Girard 3700s with our Secret Agent Belt.

Simply put, you achieve a state of mind we can only describe as "Double-O DiMaso." All the boldness, nobility, and recklessness remains, but it is now undergirded by a deep sense of lethal and rock-solid competence.

It's a sensation too wonderful to keep to ourselves, and that's why, in the spirit of the holiday season, we are throwing in a complimentary Secret Agent Belt to anyone who orders a pair of the Girard 3700s. Just remember to include your belt size when you complete your order — use the Note section on the order form — and we will take care of the rest.


Tim Lincecum Saves Giants' World Series Victory Parade

Tim Lincecum Saves Giants' World Series Victory Parade

The Giants' World Series victory parade through downtown San Francisco was an alarming if not unpredictable display of brute toolbag power. Like a murderer's row of Jersey Shore extras, one player after the next swung for the fences and knocked good taste out of the park.

Between the "Kiss This Ring" sweatshirts and costume-jewelry title belts, and softball-sized watch faces, we weren't sure if we were watching a victory parade or a runway show for a Flavor Flav garage sale.

Even designated savior Madison Bumgarner did little to stem the rampant tide of toolbaggery. With his backward ballcap and orange garbage bag poncho, he looked like he was wearing a Darth Vader Halloween costume from The Nickel Store.

Luckily, relief finally showed up in the unlikely form of little-used pitcher Tim Lincecum. Though the one-time superstar only saw 1 ⅔ innings of action in the series, during a Game 2 loss to the Royals, his victory parade mechanics were in top form. No team colors? Check. No trash-talking commemorative sweatshirts or visible logos of any kind? Check. Well-tailored shacket paired with an artfully disheveled scarf and what looks to be a cashmere beanie? Check.

Put this guy back in the starting rotation, skip! He's ready to play.

Earlier: 7 Ways to Tie a Scarf Based on the Game-Time Temperature at Lambeau Field


RIP Ben Bradlee

RIP Ben Bradlee

Sometimes legendary newspaper man Ben Bradlee — who presided over the Washington Post during Watergate — stood up to White House power. Other times he sat down and snuggled with it. Both approaches took a bedrock sense of self-assurance that every man should aspire to. RIP, Ben Bradlee.


Magnificent Birthdays: Mahatma Gandhi

Magnificent Birthdays: Mahatma Gandhi

As a young, London-trained barrister, Mahatma Gandhi wore traditional business attire and pulled it off with aplomb. But it wasn't until he shed his suit and tie in favor of simple hand-spun sheet of locally produced cloth — aka khadi — that he emerged as a world-changing force. While rulers and revolutionaries alike typically signal their power and/or aspirations to power through crowns, brocade, epaulettes, sashes, and other ostensibly dazzling sartorial semaphores, Gandhi went in the complete opposite direction. His entire wardrobe appeared to consist of a bedsheet.

But if clothes make the man, it's also true, though much rarer, that the man can sometimes make the clothes. Gandhi donned a simple sheet and established himself as an icon of understated but indomitable will. His message was so true, and his convictions so strong, that he didn't need to clothe them in anything more elaborate than plain white cloth.

Now let us be clear here. We're not saying everyone — or really even anyone — should dress like Gandhi. If we said that, we'd never sell another belt or tie. But talk about artful dishevelment! Talk about not trying too hard! While Gandhi's wardrobe lacked variety, it had style to spare. And that's why, today, on Gandhi's birthday, we are breaking out the Bulleit and the Laphroaig and toasting the father of an independent India — and the father of business casual. Before Hef went to work in a bathrobe, before Steve Jobs prowled the hallways of Atari in bare feet, before Mark Zuckerberg taught mankind to share everything in a hoodie, there was Gandhi, showing the world you don't always need a power tie to be powerful. Our glasses are raised in his honor.


Adam Smith Cashmere Belt on Sale — Thank the Trivago Guy

Adam Smith Belt in Chocolate Sandwich Cookie (+ Trivago Guy) via Magnificent Bastard, $50.00
Adam Smith Belt in Chocolate Sandwich Cookie (+ Trivago Guy) via Magnificent Bastard. $50.00.

Sometime last year, the data scientists at Trivago figured out a simple metric for identifying potential customers: If you can't afford a belt, you probably are in the market for a good deal on a hotel room. Thus, an advertising campaign was born. In a commercial that started airing last year, a pitchman who would ultimately become known as Trivago Guy began captivating television viewers. Bedraggled, bleary-eyed, and, to connect with the target audience, beltless, Trivago Guy looks like he has spent the last 20 years draining hotel room mini-bars dry while leaving the pillows untouched. And yet who can deny the easygoing but absolute assurance he projects when explaining what to look for in an online hotel reservation service?

#trivagoGuy, in short, was a hit. But now that he has apparently captured the unshaven-and-beltless traveler demographic, Trivago has decided to give him a makeover. Share a photo of what he should look like on social media, and you can win a five-day trip to Berlin.

In the old days, of course, only new CEOs were allowed to wreck winning ad campaigns. Now, thanks to the democritization of media, we all can.

But the truth is Trivago Guy does provide an instructive lesson in when artful dishevelment stops being artful and crosses over into Stage I Homelessness. His rumpled hair? Fine as is. His three-day stubble? Also okay. His shirt? Incorrectly disheveled. He should switch from full tuck to semi-tuck. And most importantly, as London mayor Boris Johnson showed us in 2009, Trivago should indeed put on a belt.

We think our Adam Smith Cashmere belt in Chocolate Sandwich Cookie is exactly what Trivago Guy needs to perfect his look. And to emphasize this fact, we're having a sale, from now through August 30, or until we run out of belts, whichever comes first. Regular price $90. Sale price $50, shipping included. We're sure Trivago Guy himself would approve — he knows a deal when he sees one.



The Incredible Shrinking Kanye West

The Incredible Shrinking Kanye West

In reality, Kanye West is a reported 5' 8", i.e. just a tiny bit shorter than the average U.S. male. And yet despite his statistically confirmed averageness, West, who appears on the cover of the August GQ, is also a rare example of a celebrity who apparently aspires to be smaller than life. Over the last five years, we've watched in puzzlement as he has shown an increasing attachment to an extreme form of sartorial foreshortening. The deadly combo?

* Tshirts that cover more leg than any dress in Miley Cyrus's wardrobe.
* A "bunched" pants aesthetic that should be left to Sharpeis.
* High-tops.

Decreasing the apparent length of your legs from both above and below frequently results in a highly identifiable visual brand — as both the Oompa Loompas and Mr. Magoo can attest. But while it works for them, are these really the role models Yeezy wants to emulate? Unless you are a grotesquely adorable cartoon character, we discourage this method of dress.

See the full-size, shrunken-down Kanye West from the August 2014 GQ here.

Earlier: Spread collars fatten your face and neck


Jay Carney Keeps it Wrong to the End

Jay Carney Keeps it Wrong to the End

With the exception of his odd — and thankfully short — facial hair experiment earlier this year, White House press secretary Jay Carney has been a model of McDonald's-like consistency for nearly 3.5 years and 1,000 or so press conferences: the same Type A bedhead, the same equivocation and obfuscation, and the same structurally entrenched shirt and tie knot inequality.

If you insist on artificially boosting your jowl optics by wearing a spread collar, at least have the sense to tie a Windsor knot.

While Carney replacement Josh Earnest has a look that calmly proclaims "I'm the number 2 producer in the Topeka field office.," at least he understands the geometric benefits of point collars and proper knot pairings.

Earlier:

The only guys who should wear spread collars are Adrien Brody and the guy from Edvard Munch's The Scream

Visual proof: spread collars make your face and neck fatter


Ask the MB: Walter White's Eyeglasses in Breaking Bad

Ask the MB: Walter White's Eyeglasses in <em>Breaking Bad</em>

Q: I've find this website on Google and, let me tell you, I admire what you do. I've always searched a website that knew how to recognize the brands of sunglasses, eyeglasses or wardrobe. Really Good! So, I'm asking you if is it possible to recognize the brand and the model of the eyeglasses wore by Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad as Walter White. I'm not talking about the last frame he used (which is Republica - Montreal) but the classic iconic metal frame that he wore in the entire series. I know they're safety because they have some hooks in the temples which are required because of side shields but I can't figure it out what brand are they, I'm really becoming mad searching that frame. Hope you could be helpful for me. Thanks.
—Carlo

A: Carlo: What's worse? Going mad or wearing glasses that make you look like a middle-aged high school chemistry teacher? (Or a middle-aged high school algebra teacher? See our earlier post on GQ Creative Director Jim Moore's questionable eyewear decisionmaking.)

We'll let you decide.

Meanwhile, as you ponder that, we're going to hit you with what will likely be disappointing news: We have sought input from all our usual eyewear sources and yet are unable to come up with a definitive ID.

We can tell you that the frames Cranston wears in Breaking Bad are pretty close to these B.M.E.C. Big Mens Sam Eyeglasses. In fact, some people believe these are what Cranston is wearing.

We think the nose pads are different, so close but no meth pipe. And frankly with a frame this generic it is ultimately going to be almost impossible to make a case for any brand that goes beyond a reasonable doubt. If you really feel you need verification before making a purchase, we suggest you figure out how to contact the show's propmaster. That's what we'd do if we really wanted to identify a specific product and the world's most authoritative men's style website left us hanging.


MB NFL Draft Guide

1998 Draft: Ignoring the Button Indicator, More GMs Preferred Ryan Leaf Over Peyton Manning
1998 Draft: Ignoring the Button Indicator, More GMs Preferred Ryan Leaf Over Peyton Manning

Forget 40 times, number of bench press reps, Wonderlic test scores, and hours of college tape. If you're an NFL General Manager and still debating between two players at the top of your draft board, let the number of buttons on their jacket be your guide.

Earlier in The Great 2-Button vs. 3-Button Debate:
— Kennedy vs. Nixon
— A Reader Challenge to 2-Button vs. 3-Button


Ask the MB: Gear and Clothing in Las Vegas. Hunter Thompson's Sunglasses.

Ask the MB: Gear and Clothing in Las Vegas. Hunter Thompson's Sunglasses.

Q: Hi. In the Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge, what kind of sunglasses is Hunter S. Thompson wearing? Thanks!
—MP

As you may know, the portrait of Hunter Thompson that we used in our Eyewear Challenge comes from the cover of his 1979 collection of magazine reportage, The Great Shark Hunt. So that's one place you can get a "copy" of those sunglasses, but it can be pretty expensive — a signed version is currently on sale at Ebay for $5000. Also, it would be hard to wear.

Luckily, the sunglasses themselves — the "Davos" model, produced by the German company Rodenstock from 1974 to 1979 — can be had more cheaply. Here, for example, is a mint-condition pair, complete with what looks to be an alligator leather carrying case, for $240 plus shipping.

Our advice for you? We'll quote HST himself: "Buy the ticket, take the ride." Wherever those glasses take you, we suspect there'll be no looking back once you put them on.

(UPDATE: Our correspondent quickly took our advice and snapped up these sunglasses. Thus, the preceding link now routes you to a cached page.)


Glenn Beck's Scarlet Shame

Glenn Beck's Scarlet Shame

As everyone knows, Gilligan's Island was a product of liberal Hollywood's fervent Cold War dreams of post-capitalist utopia. On an Edenic island paradise in the South Pacific, an economically and socially disparate group of Americans pioneer a new world where plutocrats, academics, military men, and members of the hoi polloi stand shoulder to shoulder, as one. There are no supermarkets, no banks, no department stores, no fancy colleges, and no churches, just an egalitarian collective of makers collaborating and co-existing in Marxist harmony. The flag of this brave new "nation"? Gilligan's striking, Communist-red shirt.

Given this pedigree, we were surprised, to say the least, to see Glenn Beck, avowed defender of capitalism, selling this emblem of the Red Menace.

Like Jay-Z, Snoop Lion, and many others before him, the professional socialist hunter has diversified into clothing design. His apparel company, the 1791 Supply Co., features t-shirts, polo shirts, caps, DIY quilts, old-timey patches, and selvedge jeans using denim from Cone Mills. Thanks to Beck's efforts, Red State America can now purchase a special edition axe or a small-batch made-in-Portland notebook without ever having to step into a Williamsburg dry goods store.

Most improbable of all, though, is an item Beck is passing off as the 1791 Fox Hunt Rugby. While Beck has added a patch to the shirt that celebrates George Washington's passion for fox-hunting, that's just a smoke screen. Because strip this shirt of that patch, and it is undeniably exposed as the Gilligan, as manufactured and marketed by Columbiaknit. The copy at Beck's site even identifies the shirt's source as a family-owned knitting factory in Oregon that has been making clothes since 1921 — i.e., Columbiaknit.

To further obscure his agenda, Beck charges $29 more for his version than Columbiaknit charges for the standard-issue Gilligan. But can such superficial nods to capitalism really do anything to dull the brilliant red hue of Gilligan's shirt, an ersatz banner to communist ideals that liberal Hollywood used for generations to persuade impressionable children that a collectivist, cash-free, class-less society was the way to go? If you truly love America, boycott this shirt.


Ukrainian Update

Oleksandr Turchynov, at a press conference March 12, 2014
Oleksandr Turchynov, at a press conference March 12, 2014

The Leotardo we sent acting Ukrainian President Oleksandr Turchynov has apparently not been able to break through the Toolbag Curtain.

In solidarity with besieged Ukrainian troops in Crimea, Turchynov is wearing his own uniform, The Michael Lohan, which consists of a black mockneck under a blazer. While we believe that this no way to run a country, we continue to support President Turchynov in his effort to maintain Ukrainian independence in the face of increasing Russian aggression.


MB Contest: Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge

MB Contest: Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge

Welcome to the 4rd Kind-of-Annual Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge, sponsored by our all-time favorite eyewear and sunglass outfitter, Allyn Scura.

THE CHALLENGE: Identify the nine bespectacled or sunglassified MBs above and you will be entered to win a pair of Allyn Scura frames ($175 value) or a $125 credit you can apply toward any vintage frames Allyn Scura carries. It's up to you.

To enter simply fill out the form below with the names of the men pictured, and, in the unlikely event of a tie, what they all have in common. One entry per person. USA only. Good luck. The deadline for this contest is Monday, March 31 at midnight CDT.


DIPLOMATIC TIES: MB Sends a Care Package to Ukraine's Acting President

DIPLOMATIC TIES: MB Sends a Care Package to Ukraine's Acting President

We freely admit our knowledge of global affairs is limited. But Ukraine has us especially baffled. Based on this photo of Acting President Oleksandr Turchynov, Ukraine's Parliament appears to have a two-drink minimum. But no dress code?

As longtime champions of business casual, we love that tall tumbler of what we're interpreting as bourbon on the new Acting President's desk. But isn't there some provision in the Geneva Convention that says that when you're the leader of an entire country, you have to wear a tie to work?

Obviously, Mr Turchynov has a lot of things on his plate right now, and shopping for ties is not one of them. Which is why we're reaching out, in a gesture of global goodwill, and sending him a complimentary wool tie.

As the photos above document, a Leotardo is now on its way to Kiev.


WARNING: Onesie Virus on Verge of Turning into Epidemic

Do you want a piece of me, Tinky Winky?
Do you want a piece of me, Tinky Winky?

Like flu doctors at the Center for Disease Control, we have been grimly monitoring worldwide onesie activity for the past year, noting national baselines, tracking geographic spreads, and conducting constant lab work to test for resistance, etc. (No animals are harmed during these experiments.)

In the past, only infants and very old people in assisted-living facilities succumbed to onesies, but a new and extremely virulent strain has surfaced in recent years. So far, outbreaks have mostly been limited to furries, Norwegians, and the occasional celebrity, but field reports from Sochi last week have us worried. Commenting in the New York Times, Olympic bobsledder Cory Butner warned, "I guarantee this is going to catch on in the States. In three months, they'll be all over the States."

As the Times story graphically documents, even Olympic-caliber athletes in prime health are starting to adopt this deadly Norwegian fashion trend and deliberately making themselves look like frumpy Teletubbies.

Our research reveals to us that the best way to inoculate yourself from the coming epidemic is to simply wear a belt. Perform this one basic task of human adult grooming every day, and your body will generate enough antibodies to naturally resist the onesies virus.

We recommend our Adam Smith Cashmere belt — but any belt will do. Don't wait until it's too late. No one is 100 percent immune if they don't take proper precautions.


Ask the MB: Advice for Older Men

Ask the MB: Advice for Older Men

Q: Dear MB: Although the site would appear to be geared to a different age scale; a few style pointers for those of us in our late 60's would be helpful as well. We too buy and care how we look.

Love your positioning on multiple levels.
—RJ

A: The core MB principles you've read about here — artful dishevelment, organic materials, and understatement to name a few — will serve you as well in your twilight years as they do in the glory of your youth. Stick to them unwaveringly.

Beyond that, the best advice we can give you and any other man in his 60s is to make sure you are standing safely between Giving Up (sweatpants, Hush Puppies, C-cup manboobs) and Trying Too Hard (Soul patches, concert tees, hoodies).

With age comes wisdom, and yet perhaps the most common mistake we see from men of a certain age involves their craniums.

If you've got hair issues, accept it gracefully. Paul McCartney is hitting the juice so hard these days, Ringo is finally the best-looking Beatle. That stuff on Gene Simmons' head looks durable, stain-proof, and capable of handling heavy foot traffic, but it doesn't look like hair.


Ask the MB: Robert De Niro's Eyeglasses in American Hustle

Ask the MB: Robert De Niro's Eyeglasses in <em>American Hustle</em>

Q: Hi. You listed some of the American Hustle actors and the sunglasses they wore. Please, if you are able, add the make, model and size of Robert De Niro's glasses to the list. They are fantastic!
—William

A: Robert De Niro is wearing Ray Ban Wayfarers in American Hustle. You may have blanked on IDing this iconic frame because:

a. They're not immediately recognizable when used as eyeglasses, somewhat similar to how Christian Bale was as a fat, bald guy, and

b. Since Luxottica purchased Ray-Ban from Bausch & Lomb in 1999, they junked them up with logos on both temples and the right lens, as shown in the middle image above. This frame is the eyewear equivalent of a NASCAR vehicle.

The vintage models, like De Niro's and Tom Cruise's in Risky Business are clean. Get these. And don't hesitate to use them as eyeglasses. The only clear eyewear role reversal failure we've seen is GQ Style Editor Jim Moore putting clear lenses in a wire aviator.

Earlier:
What sunglasses is Bradley Cooper wearing in American Hustle?
Did Jim Moore get his glasses at our high school algebra teacher's garage sale?


Ask the MB: Has Selvedge Left the Building?

Ask the MB: Has Selvedge Left the Building?

Q: What are your thoughts on selvedge jeans?
—JD

A: We've been publishing for nearly 7 years, with over 1500 posts and dozens of features, and we've made a single passing reference to selvedge denim.

So you could say we've been indifferent.

Selvedge denim does score high on the MB principles of exclusivity and archaism — it's made on looms invented in the 18th century — yet we cannot abide or recommend wearing pants that get washed less frequently than the cast of Duck Dynasty.

If you're debating on whether to get into selvedge denim now, from our viewpoint it looks to be on the wrong side of the trend curve. In the October 2013 GQ style godfather Glenn O'Brien says, "What I think is changing is ... fanaticism for unwashed indigo." And the February 2014 Details (the one with Aaron Paul on the cover, p. 61) takes it further, arguing, "Trust us. Ultra light-wash denim is making a comeback."

We won't go that far. But we do think that rolled cuffs that expose the selvedges will eventually achieve the same cultural status as popped collars or side-swept hair. And we think that's going to happen sooner rather than later.


Shocking Miley Cyrus Photo Shoot

Shocking Miley Cyrus Photo Shoot

Photojournalism's most prized quarry? It used to be the rare and elusive snow leopard. In the last few years, however, a new grail emerged: An image of Miley Cyrus with her tongue fully concealed. And, at last, W magazine has managed to do it — not just once, but at least four times! We suspect camera traps were involved, but heartily applaud their tenaciousness and ingenuity just the same.


Ask the MB: Marcello Mastroianni's Glasses in 8 1/2

Ask the MB: Marcello Mastroianni's Glasses in <em>8 1/2</em>

Q: Hey MB: I'm looking for the spectacles Marcello Mastroianni is wearing in the movie 8 ½. Can't find them anywhere, neither the name of the brand. Any clue? Or any look-alikes? Thx in advance.
—Amir

A: Trying to identify the eyeglasses Marcello Mastroianni wore in 8 ½ is as challenging and inconclusive as the movie itself. The eyewear fetishists at styleforum have been trying to answer this question since 2008 and not only couldn't come to a satisfactory conclusion, they couldn't find a suitable substitute.

And what's with that? At a time when scientists are routinely cloning sheep and exploring the possibilities of bringing back the Pyrenean ibex, you'd think it'd be easy enough to resurrect a pair of extinct glasses, especially when the market is demanding it.

But we digress. Our best guess — with the help of Allyn Scura — is that MM's glasses are a Safilo frame from the early '60s. AS sometimes has it in stock, but unfortunately now is not one of those times. The closest they have at the moment is this French frame from the same era. Contact them if you're interested. And if we get more definitive info on this 50 year-old mystery, we'll post it here.


Ask the MB: My Balding Husband is Growing Out His Hair and Beard

Ask the MB: My Balding Husband is Growing Out His Hair and Beard

Q: A bit of MB guidance would be much appreciated, please. Before we begin, I must let you know that I neither create nor dictate my husband's appearance in any way. You see, he is quite the Magnificent Bastard already; however, some clarity is needed in the grooming department. He currently has a full beard and is growing out his wavy locks indefinitely. For years, my husband's hair was quite short and very sexy. The beard is also fairly new, but not in question. How (if at all) can he grow his hair out and maintain a professional appearance? I should mention that his hair is thinning due to male-pattern baldness. I have always said that this isn't a problem at all and when embraced, is confidently attractive. While George Carlin is fucking hilarious and his legend lives on, I don't want to sleep next to his ponytail.
—The Wife

Unless your husband is a religious prophet, a wizard, or a homeless guy, we don't think growing out his beard and what's left of his hair is likely to enhance his professionalism.

The Grizzly Adams look is surprisingly tough to master. Just look at Brad Pitt, Joaquin Phoenix, and Saddam Hussein for proof of this statement.

Add male pattern baldness to the equation, and the odds against successfully pulling off this look only increase. Best to avoid it, and to follow our long-standing advice to men who are getting thin on top.


Ask the MB: Bradley Cooper Sunglasses in American Hustle

Ask the MB: Bradley Cooper Sunglasses in <em>American Hustle</em>

What kind of sunglasses is Bradley Cooper wearing in American Hustle?
—Alex

A: With the help of our friends at Allyn Scura, who did the eyewear for everyone in the movie except for Bradley Cooper, we were able to learn from the costume designer that they are a vintage frame stamped "Girard made in France" and "3700."

Unfortunately they're harder to find than perm rods.

When we started writing this reply there was a pair available at vintagedesignersunglasses.com, but the site's gone dark. The cached version says these are "equally suited for boardwalk wanderings and impromptu parties." We say "boardwark parties," too.

As for the rest of the cast, they are wearing far more accessible eyewear:

Amy Adams
Christian Dior 2250

Jennifer Lawrence
Ted Lapidus TL-10

Christian Bale
Izod Lacoste 707F


Ask the MB: Is Shannon Sharpe a Clown, or Sharp Dresser?

Ask the MB: Is Shannon Sharpe a Clown, or Sharp Dresser?

Some friends and I were drinking some Magnificent Bastards and talking football and, naturally, Shannon Sharpe's dress attire on CBS's pregame show came up. My buddies think he dresses like a clown. I think he dresses with balls and style. Real sharp, as it were. What does the MB say?
—Evan

"Balls and Style." Sounds like a good name for a men's style site and corresponding e-commerce shop. Er, nevermind.

We can see where your buddies are coming from with the clown comments. Unfortunately, sometimes Sharpe wears wide, floppy, too-neatly-tied bow ties that definitely evoke thoughts of men in makeup who accessorize with squirting flower boutonnières. Take Saturday, for example (left).

But we agree with you, Evan. Sharpe is great at bold pattern matching and texture combinations. Everything fits perfectly. His lapels are just the right width and echo that of his ties. His knots are almost always appropriate for the collar shape. He often wears gingham and textured ties, both MB favorites (see Sunday; right).

And while we usually need to turn down the volume when he's making a point, he's a pretty good analyst, too.

Earlier: Ask the MB: Who can pull off a bow tie?


Show Us Your Game Face, Dude! Yoko Ono Lightbulb Bra

Show Us Your Game Face, Dude! Yoko Ono Lightbulb Bra

Imagine there's no giant zany clown hand grabbing your package, it's easy if you try? No, we don't think so. To keep a straight face while wearing this outfit by Yoko Ono, you've got to be a true pro. Well done, male model!

As for Yoko Ono, we can officially say that breaking up the Beatles is only the second greatest aesthetic travesty she has perpetrated in her life. The first is the clothing collection in which the Lightbulb Bra appears. Produced in collaboration with Opening Ceremony, and initially offered in "limited-edition" quantities in November 2012, it remains unsurprisingly resistant to purchase, even at 50 percent off.

Thanks to reader David Blackett, who pointed us toward the collection and earned a 4-pack of Disposable Letterpress Beverage Shields for his efforts.

Have you seen a candidate for Show Us Your Game Face, Dude!? Send a note to editor@magnificentbastard.com and if we use it on-air we'll send you some Beverage Shields too.


WWJFKD? Wear a Tie on Christmas, Of Course.

WWJFKD? Wear a Tie on Christmas, Of Course.

JFK was known for his sporty, casual look. And yet even he knew that when it comes to style, there is a time and place for everything. And that on Christmas morning, when you're under the tree with your loved ones, in the cozy and secure heart of your home, celebrating the birth of baby Jesus, the bonds of family, and the virtues of faith, love, compassion, and gratitude, it's time for a tie.

Order one of ours by Friday, and we'll make sure both you and your tree are properly attired Christmas morning because each order comes with a complimentary non-denominational winter tree accessory. As always, the shipping's on us. Merry Christmas!


Monday Morning Quarterback Week 15

Monday Morning Quarterback Week 15

It's Week 3 of Monday Morning Quarterback, a feature that combines our love of chronic traumatic encephalopathy-inducing bloodsport (aka, the NFL) with our passion for style.

Each week we break down the postgame press conference film and pick the best and worst-performing quarterbacks from around the league. We take their actual Passer Rating, multiply it by the proprietary Magnificent Bastard Dresser Rating, to arrive at their Total Magnificent Bastard Quarterback Rating.

Jay Cutler

Passer Rating: 102.2

Dresser Rating: 63.1

Total Magnificent Bastard Quarterback Rating: 64.5

This week Cutler's presser dressing symbolizes his quarterback play: Occasional brilliance — scarf tied in loose "playoff tuck" style — marred by a boneheaded pick, like this skully.

EARLIER: 7 Ways to Tie a Scarf Based on the Game-Time Temperature at Lambeau Field

Geno Smith

PR: 68.6

DR: 57.3

TMBQBR: 39.3

Hanging a big, pressed woven collar outside a crewneck is a rookie mistake, as is over-accessorization. Go with either the Jets-colored boutonniere or the pocket square, not both.

EARLIER: Collar Tucking with Crewnecks. JFK and William F. Buckley

Mike Glennon

PR: 75.5

MBR: 45.3

TMBQBR: 34.2

Mike Glennon has added reading Monday Morning Quarterback to his game-day preparation. Two consecutive weeks with large jacket gapes split wide to his right, he's clearly seen a tailor to tighten his collar coverage.

Carson Palmer

PR: 100.8

DR: 29.0

TMBQBR: 29.2

Just two weeks removed from winning MB Player of the Week honors as an NFL quarterback disguised as a professor, Palmer is hit for a big loss, with the age-inappropriate tandem of hoodie and skully each recording half a sack.

EARLIER: MB ANALYTICS: Hoodie vs. Cardigan Chart

Eli Manning

PR: 31.9

DR: 59.3

TMBQBR: 18.9

Manning could've dressed like Tom Brady on his best day and still been well down the MMQB rankings due to his comically bad performance against the Seahawks. Layering is an MB principle, but that value (3) should never be exceeded by the number of interceptions (5). Nor should the number of quarter-zip mock sweaters (1) ever exceed TD passes (0).

EARLIER: Layering: A Key MB Principle

Andrew Luck

PR: 82.8

DR: 0.0

TMBQBR: 0.0

Three weeks into Monday Morning Quarterback and Andrew Luck still can't read the reporter blitz and is missing wide-open showers. Luck looks like the Geico caveman, only worse-dressed.

EARLIER: Andrew Luck Sacked Again by Blitzing Reporters



Monday Morning Quarterback Week 14

Monday Morning Quarterback Week 14

It's Week 2 of Monday Morning Quarterback, a feature that combines our love of chronic traumatic encephalopathy-inducing bloodsport (aka, the NFL) with our passion for style.

Each week we break down the postgame press conference film and pick the best and worst-performing quarterbacks from around the league. We take their actual Passer Rating, multiply it by the proprietary Magnificent Bastard Dresser Rating, to arrive at their Total Magnificent Bastard Quarterback Rating.

Perhaps due to bad weather at many NFL stadiums, this week there was only bad quarterbacking behind the podium.

Eli Manning

PR: 72.3

DR: 35.6

TMBQBR: 25.7

That collar is about to engulf Eli's face like a stunting defensive end, and the problem is magnified by the tiny, out-of-proportion knot that looks like it's suffering from a groin injury. While he shrares the Toner Cartridge Salesman look of his older brother, at least Peyton generally gets the proportions right.

Earlier: Peyton Manning, Toner Cartridge Salesman

Matt Cassell

Passer Rating: 86.0

Dresser Rating: 29.0

Total Magnificent Bastard Quarterback Rating: 24.9

Four years as Tom Brady's backup in New England, and the man apparently only learned how to read coverages, not collars. Cassell's collar is so horizontal it has less of an angle than the earth's horizon. His jacket gape is big enough for Adrian Peterson to run through. And we fear some eight-year-old fan is searching for his prized beanie right now. For all this, Cassell is this week's winner of the Most Ridiculous Postgame Presser Outfit award.

Earlier: The Incredible Shrinking Collar

Philip Rivers

PR: 137.4

DR: 17.3

TMBQBR: 23.8

After just two weeks doing Monday Morning Quaterback, we have our first record: Most Consecutive Weeks Wearing a Plaid Shirt That Looks Like It Came From Blouse Barn. If Philip Rivers' quarterbacking was this consistent, the Chargers could get into the playoffs.

Earlier: Philip Rivers' Ugly Week 13 Shirt

Mike Glennon

PR: 40.4

MBR: 45.3

TMBQBR: 18.3

It looks like Shaggy has added a razor to his post-game plan. We like his committment to mastering the fundamentals. Next step: Retaining the services of a tailor. That's the same ill-fitting jacket he had on last week, and he's getting the same bad results: a pronounced gape on his throwing shoulder. Once he masters that, we'll start working on his tie-reading skills.

Earlier: Mike Glennon Should Watch Namath Postgame Film

Andrew Luck

PR: 113.1

DR: 5.5

TMBQBR: 6.2

Last week, blitzing reporters caught Andrew Luck by complete surprise. This week, he once again shows poor post-game clock management. But at least it looks like he's thinking about taking a shower.

Earlier: Andrew Luck Sacked by Blitzing Reporters


RIP Nelson Mandela

Talking with David Cameron in 2008, and possibly sitting on a future shirt
Talking with David Cameron in 2008, and possibly sitting on a future shirt

Nelson Mandela was a great man with an indomitable spirit. From 1962 to 1990, he was imprisoned by the racist South African government in a bleak concrete box. Then, when he was finally released, he was immediately put under house arrest by Joan Rivers' pajamas.

Just kidding. Mr. Mandela's signature look — aka the "Madibi Shirt" — arose when a young fashion designer named Desre Buirski gave a hand-painted silk shirt to one of Mandela's bodyguards in 1994, a few weeks before Mandela became President of South Africa. Soon thereafter, Buirski became Mandela's official shirtmaker, and as he guided his country through post-apartheid reform, he also liberated South African politicians from wearing drab gray suits. Only rarely, it seems, did he wear the same shirt twice. RIP, Mr. Mandela.










Monday Morning Quarterback Week 13

Monday Morning Quarterback Week 13

Combining our love of chronic traumatic encephalopathy-inducing bloodsport (aka, the NFL) with our passion for style, we present the first in a regular series.

Each week we break down the postgame press conference film and pick the best and worst-performing quarterbacks from around the league. We take their actual Passer Rating, multiply it by the proprietary Magnificent Bastard Dresser Rating, to arrive at their Total Magnificent Bastard Quarterback Rating.

Carson Palmer

Passer Rating: 85.6

Dresser Rating: 158.3 (highest rating possible)

Total Magnificent Bastard Quarterback Rating: 134.6

NFL quarterback or professor at University of Phoenix (if they had professors)? Palmer is the MB Player of the Week thanks to his unstructured, heartily-lapeled corduroy blazer and studied artful dishevelment. This is how we dress.

EARLIER: Tom Ford on the Great Lapel Width Debate

Tom Brady

PR: 104.8

DR: 120.5

TMBQBR: 126.3

Tie width perfectly echos the jacket's lapels. Nicely dimpled four-in-hand knot askew 10°. "90°" collar (more on this later). He's tough to beat, but Palmer edged him out yesterday.

EARLIER: Tom Ford on the Great Tie Width Debate

Ryan Fitzpatrick

PR: 47.2

DR: 98.3

TMBQBR: 46.4

We admire Fitzpatrick because he was doing the lumberjack, er, lumberback for years before the look was in vogue. And because he recorded the highest-ever Wonderlic score by a quarterback. Yet he shows the pitfalls involved in wearing a machine-washed fused-collar shirt, and his lapels need to hit the weight room.

Peyton Manning

PR: 118.2

DR: 35.6

TMBQBR: 42.1

Currently a pitchman for middlebrow brands Buick and Papa John's, with this dated, generic, and ill-fitting look we see Men's Wearhouse in Manning's endorsement future.

Mike Glennon

PR: 73.5

DR: 25.6

TMBQBR: 18.8

Who put Shaggy in a suit? MB coaching tip: If you bear a striking resemblance to a 1970s cartoon character, avoid Peyton Manning's "Toner Cartridge Sales Rep" look and go for a post-game look with a little more grooviness, like this.

Philip Rivers

PR: 80.0

DR: 21.3

TMBQBR: 17.0

After last week's 127.3 rating and a ridiculously great Western costume including bolo tie, Rivers follows it up with this blousey pastel, logoed plaid. His attire is as inconistent as his play.

Andrew Luck

PR: 59.4

DR: 0.0

TMBQBR: 0.0

A rattled-looking Andrew Luck is caught off-guard by blitzing reporters. If you can't even manage to shower before the press shows up, you are not managing the fifth quarter game-clock well.



MB Endorses: Paul Ryan's Endorsement of Gingham

Left to right: Iowa, August 13; Colorado, August 14; Ohio, August 15; Virginia, August 17
Left to right: Iowa, August 13; Colorado, August 14; Ohio, August 15; Virginia, August 17

In the week or so since fellow Wisconsinite Paul Ryan was selected by Mitt Romney to be his running mate, it's become clear he has some significant sartorial shortcomings. He wears:

Before making the pick, Team Romney should've looked less for skeletons in Ryan's closet and more at the clothes.

Four years ago the RNC spent $150,000 to get Sarah Palin out of polar fleece. You'd think this time around they could've spent a few grand on a style consultation and a tailor. The GOP is clearly getting serious about fiscal restraint.

At any rate, the point of this post isn't to go negative, but to highlight the positive of Ryan's obvious thing for gingham, a pattern we highly endorse. Since the Romney announcement on August 11, Ryan has been on the stump for seven days and appeared in gingham in four of them; a gingham-to-appearance percentage of a whopping 57%, even exceeding our own.


Ask the MB: Is Ryan Lochte Gay or Straight?

Ask the MB: Is Ryan Lochte Gay or Straight?

Q: I am madly in love with Ryan Lochte but read on MSNBC that he has 130 pairs of shoes. This is roughly 100 more pairs of shoes than I own. Which team IS he on?
—Elizabeth

A: 130 pairs is a lot of shoes, but well below the well-known homosexual shoe-ownership cutoff of 150 pairs. Dude is straight.

While he would bring more shoes into the relationship than you, we'd be far more worried about his taste level than his sneaker collection. In an interview with Women's Health Magazine he says his celebrity crush is Carmen Electra. This answer was possibly appropriate 15 years ago, when Lochte was 13 and Electra was on Baywatch and in Playboy pictorials. Now ... disturbingly weird old chick fetish!


Ask the MB: Spread or Point Collar?

Ask the MB: Spread or Point Collar?
Q: Spread or point collar?
—Mark


A: Do you want your face to look longer and thinner or shorter and fatter? For the former, point; for the latter, spread.

The only two people we've seen who belong wearing spread collars are Adrien Brody and the guy in Edvard Munch's The Scream.

Earlier: MB Rule: If your nose is as long and sharp as a point collar, wear a spread collar.

Mark Zuckerberg Ties the Wrong Knot

Mark Zuckerberg Ties the Wrong Knot
On Saturday Mark Zuckerberg gave each of his hoodies the day off and donned a suit and tie for his marriage to Priscilla Chan. Zuck impresses with a tie that echoes his jacket's lapel width, the tie's length is just about perfect (the tip nipping at his belt buckle), and he even wore actual shoes instead of the standard Adidas Adilettes (bottom).

But we're definitely not a fan of the wide spread/cutaway collar — a style that works only on Adrian Brody — and the mistake is compounded by pairing it with a four-in-hand knot when a Windsor is called for. Zuckerberg's loosened it up for this pic but when fully tied, a four-in-hand combined with a cutaway or wide spread can expose the part of the tie that's supposed to be under the collar, distracting from the beautiful asymmetry of the knot and, in general, looking like shit. Like this poor bastard on Style Forum.

Earlier: Ask the MB: Spread Collars

Ask the MB: Charles Tyrwhitt Shirts

Ask the MB: Charles Tyrwhitt Shirts
Q: What's your opinion of dress shirts from Charles Tyrwhitt?
—Chase


A: Regular readers know we're raging Anglophiliacs but there are some notable exceptions, like the food, the Windsor knot, and the shirts from Jermyn Street menswear outfitters like Charles Tyrwhitt.

Besides the Windsor knot-ready collar design, their shirts all look far too neat due to the stiff, fused interlinings that inhibit artful dishevelment, an MB principle even more dear than Anglophilia.

By contrast, dress shirts with sewn interlinings (or no interlining at all) aren't just more comfortable, they lend themselves to AD, their collars sometimes taking on as much personality as the person wearing them.

To see what we mean, take a look at Cary Grant's shirt collar in North by Northwest, shot before the invention of fusing. In our view, Grant's shirt from this movie should be equally as revered and admired as his Kilgour suit or Persol sunglasses.

Earlier: The Four Things Wrong With the Windsor Knot

Bubba Watson's Masters Uniform Was for Charity

Bubba Watson's Masters Uniform Was for Charity
Early last year we wondered if Bubba Watson was a toolbag with MB tendencies or vice versa.

Now we're pretty sure it's the latter.

This season Watson combined a pink head with his pink-shafted Ping G20 driver to support Breast Cancer Awareness (Ping donates $300 for every 300 yard drive Watson hits), and at the Masters he just won he wore the same white-on-white outfit for four days to raise money for Fresh Start, a California charity that provides cosmetic reconstructive surgery for children with physical defects.

Now Watson clothing sponsor Travis Mathew is selling a $200 white polo and belt package with 100% of the proceeds going to Fresh Start. If they sell out, an additional $50,000 will be donated to the California-based cancer research center City of Hope.

While both the polo and belt badly violate the MB principle of legible clothing, we're in, and the Pulaski Goodwill soon be receiving a NWT Travis Mathew polo shirt and belt.

Earlier: Top 5 Ways to Make the Green Jacket Look Even Worse

Ask the MB: Randoph Engineering Bayonet Sunglasses

Ask the MB: Randoph Engineering Bayonet Sunglasses
Q: So my cheap Target sunglasses finally broke recently, and I'm upgrading to Randolph aviators. In regards to frame style, my instinct screams bayonet, but I've noticed toolbag frames are usually bayonet. For the up-and-coming, detail-driven magnificent bastard, what is your recommendation?
—Sky


A: Never ignore a screaming instinct, we always say. They happen to be right a lot.

While we agree that some toolbag frames are bayonet, Randolph Engineering aviators with bayonet temples are worn by two of our all-time favorite fictional characters: Col. Kilgore in Apocalypse Now (upper left) and Don Draper in Mad Men (upper right), both of whom would certainly qualify as MBs.

As long as you don't shave your head into a mohawk, wear an oversized Army jacket, and plan on assassinating a presidential candidate, you're good.

Earlier: Col. Kilgore's Bracelet and Dog Tag Accessorization

Ask the MB: Arnie Wear

Ask the MB: Arnie Wear
Q: Do you have an opinion on Arnie Wear?
—Mark


A: We absolutely love the idea behind Arnie Wear — who doesn't want to look like Arnold Palmer did in the '60s — it's the execution we have a problem with, with too-long sleeves on the polos, too-long inseams on the shorts, and far too much nylon and quick-dry polyester on everything.

The King never wore quick-dry polyester.

One item we'll be trying out, however, is the Leaderboard dress pant in (mostly) cotton, with a low rise and gentle boot cut (inset). Good golf pants are hard to find, and it looks like you could wear these into the office after a round (unless you get them in Lemon). Plus they'll go great with the Sambas.

Long before Arnie Wear came along, what we've done to put our twist on the '60s Palmer look is find a pair of casual white pants on YOOX, a slim-fitting banded-cuff polo from J.Crew (always on sale), and a fine-gauge cashmere-silk cardigan usually by Cruciani. Add a $4.99 plain white visor from e4hats.com and you are Palmer personified (except for his game).

Earlier: Visors. How and when to wear them.

MB Contest: Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge

MB Contest: Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge
Welcome to the 3rd Annual Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge, sponsored by our all-time favorite eyewear and sunglass outfitter, Allyn Scura.

The challenge: Identify the nine bespectacled or sunglassified MBs above and you will be entered to win a pair of Allyn Scura frames ($175 value) — like The Legend favored by reigning People "Sexiest Man Alive" Bradley Cooper — or a $100 credit you can apply toward any vintage frames Allyn Scura carries. It's entirely up to you.

To enter simply email editor@magnificentbastard.com with the names of the men pictured, and in the unlikely event of a tie — this is the hardest contest yet — what they all have in common. One entry per email address. Good luck. The deadline for this contest is next Friday, March 9th.

Earlier: Bradley Cooper in a pair of Allyn Scura Legends with A-list-only blue lenses.

Update: Ben Aitkin correctly identified the MBs pictured above. Top to bottom, left to right:

Frank Lloyd Wright
Spencer Tracy
Orson Welles
Gene Wilder
Bob Ueker
Chris Farley
Steve Miller
Les Paul
Willem Dafoe

He also got the tiebreaker correct (along with a bunch of other fellas): They were all born in Wisconsin.

What the others not do was get their name randomly picked from a Super Bowl XLV hat. Congrats Ben. Enjoy your new glasses from Allyn Scura.

Ask the MB: Mitt Romney Mom/Dad Jeans

Ask the MB: Mitt Romney Mom/Dad Jeans
Q: Can you please help Mitt Romney with his light colored dad jeans? Thanks.
—Larry


A: Late last year Esquire suggested Romney was wearing the light-wash Obama Fit denim (left) to connect with Iowa farmers — not to mention Iowa's jean-wearing moms — which got us wondering: Is Mitt Romney the first presidential candidate to not only say anything to get elected, but also wear anything to get elected?

Apparently not, as he campaigned in New Hampshire in early January in the Iowa Jeans, but then abruptly abandoned his mom jean-wearing principles after withering ridicule, including a mom-jean cartoon from the Los Angeles Times' David Horsey, and adopted a more fitted, lower-rise, faux-distressed look, as shown at a campaign stop in Boise on Friday (right).

Is this a little better, Larry?

Earlier: Chart! How to Determine What Brand of Jeans to Wear Based on Your Age
Earlier: Obama Mired in Permanent Fashion Recession

Ask the MB: What is Up With Ben Roethlisberger's Post-Game News Conference Look?

Ask the MB: What is Up With Ben Roethlisberger's Post-Game News Conference Look?
Q: Ben Roethlisberger, post game news conference, WTF?
—Wade


A: Big Ben clearly has a hat that's Too Tiny, enhancing the size of his already large and increasingly flabby melon, one that has more chins than the number of TDs he threw against Denver on Sunday.

What struck us though, besides the fact that Roethlisberger bothered to wear something besides an untucked sport shirt, is that this is the same outfit he wore to the ESPY awards in July, 2009, 2½ years ago (below). It's true he's a Hall of Fame toolbag, but you'd think a guy who made $12 million this year would not recycle a dated three-piece suit and prepackaged shirt/tie/pocket square combo he probably picked up at TJ Maxx for $19.99.

As for the vest Tim Tebow was wearing after the game, we've had a few questions about the brand and model and we're researching it. Tebow has definitely stepped up his game since his jorts days at Florida.

Rick Santorum, Iowa Voters Set Sweater Vest Cause Back 25 Years

Rick Santorum, Iowa Voters Set Sweater Vest Cause Back 25 Years
A fringe candidate seemingly just days ago, Rick Santorum's first-place (or second-place) finish in the Iowa caucuses has vaulted him — and his sweater vest — into national prominence.

Unfortunately he gets it all wrong, from the rolled-down sleeves to the pleated pants to the Gingrich-sized gut, dealing a blow to a look we strongly endorse (below).

NYT: Big Watches Favored Primarily by Toolbags

<em>NYT</em>: Big Watches Favored Primarily by Toolbags
If you read the Christmas edition of the New York Times — and who didn't even before opening presents? — you saw this article about the growing size of men's wristwatches. Since men can no longer drive Hummers without being subject to public ridicule (plus the fact that the company has been shut down), some are replacing large vehicles with large watches, which is why Tom Cruise wears a U-Boat watch that's 64.4 millimeters in diameter, or as the Times wryly notes, a watch that's the same size as a White Castle slider.

Don't be Tom Cruise. We've regularly repeated our ≤ 40mm rule since this site started in July 2007, and now more than ever you should either adopt or stick to it. Within months, or perhaps even weeks, wearing a 64mm watch will be even more post-peak than Jersey Shore.

Ask the MB: Color Matching Anxiety

Ask the MB: Color Matching Anxiety
Q: Winter is upon us, and I've developed a case of "color matching doubts and anxiety".

— Black pea coat with denim?
— Dark blue sweater with black pea coat?
— Brown sweater with black jeans?

All these look OK in my mind, but I've heard there are rules. Generally, how to wear black other than with black? Please help clear my mind.
—Shane


A: Black and blue are a natural pairing, so wear #1 and #2 with confidence. We would never try #3, not because it can't work, but because we don't own a pair of black jeans, primarily to avoid ever looking like anything resembling Justin Theroux. (We don't care if he's plowing The Hottest Woman of All-Time. 40-year-old in a Siouxsie and the Banshees T? Even money says this dude's never even been to a show.)

Anyhow, if you're still suffering from color matching doubts and anxiety after reading this we recommend avoiding black entirely and opting instead for charcoal grey for the outerwear and blue for the jeans. Both of those go with anything.

Ask the MB: Cardigan Buttoning

I know what you're thinking. 'Did he button 6 buttons or only none?'
I know what you're thinking. 'Did he button 6 buttons or only none?'
Q: As a follow up to your recent post about cardigans. Should one wear them buttoned or not?
—Matt


A: We never button our cardigans, except for the walk home from the Pulaski bar scene on a chilly night when we will ineptly button them off by one button, and if we've had enough Magnificent Bastard cocktails, two.

There's something about buttoning a cardigan that's a bit too Mr. Rogers-y (even though he preferred zips).

This is not to say buttoning a cardigan evenly can't work. David Beckham does this well, but as you'll notice, he's always got an artfully disheveled offset.

Ask the MB: Shirt and Tie With No Jacket

Ask the MB: Shirt and Tie With No Jacket
Q: What are your thoughts on a shirt and tie with no jacket? The internet style-forum consensus seems to be a resounding no, unless you work in a mail room or are a Jehovah's Witness; but it is still a look one sees all the time (not that that's necessarily an argument in its favor, of course). But if it is so wrong to wear a shirt and tie without a jacket, why do people take off the jacket? Does having the jacket nearby magically change the look of the outfit? If so, at what distance is that magical connection lost? The next desk over? A different floor? Do certain jackets maintain the connection over further distances from others? Thanks!
—Ed


A: Ed, forget about the distance your jacket is from your body and focus instead on properly artfully disheveling your shirt and tie.

We agree with the hoi polloi that when you wear only a shirt buttoned to the top with buttoned cuffs and a snugly-tied tie, it looks like either a.) something is missing, or b.) something is missing and you're about to go preaching door-to-door.

So don't wear only a shirt buttoned to the top with buttoned cuffs and a snugly-tied tie. Undo the buttons and roll up the sleeves. Loosen the tie knot and turn it to a side. Does Paul Newman look concerned that he's missing something? Joe Paterno, on the other hand, is super pissed off he can't find his jacket.

Earlier: Proper Sleeve-Rolling Technique

Michael Lohan Off Scot Free for Felony Toolbaggery

MiLo and Kate Major in happier times
MiLo and Kate Major in happier times
Yesterday Lindsay Lohan's estranged father Michael Lohan was charged with four misdemeanors as parf of his two most recent arrests — 1.) domestic violence, 2.) violation of a domestic injunction, 3.) resisting arrest without violence (in an inept attempt to flee from police), and 4.) violating a condition of pretrial release — yet avoided criminal prosecution for what we believe to be the the ultimate toolbag getup (pictured) outside of the OT.

Ask the MB: Al Davis's Sunglasses

Ask the MB: Al Davis's Sunglasses
Q: What brand/model/style of glasses did Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis wear?
—Ray


A: Al Davis likely took the sure answer to this question to his grave. A Google search says they are vintage Alain Mikli shades, but our best guess is these are vintage or custom Vuarnet — indicated by the V-shaped bridge — a company which was acquired by Mikli in 2009.

Either way, finding a pair will be more difficult than finding an answer to why Davis made JaMarcus Russell the #1 pick in 2007.


MB Giveway: Michael Bastian x Randolph Engineering Sunglasses

MB Giveway: Michael Bastian x Randolph Engineering Sunglasses
Magnificent Bastard is collaborating with this year's Michael Bastian x Randolph Engineering collaboration and giving away a pair of the MBxRE sunglasses. What do you have to do to win? Simply identify the six celebrities wearing Randolph Engineering frames below and identify the Randolph Engineering frame they're all wearing (hint: note the singular use of the word "frame") and email your answer to editor@magnificentbastard.com.

The winner will get to pick their favorite MBxRE frame whether it be the Sportsman, the Aviator, the Aviator II, the Intruder, or the P3 in any combination of frame and lens color. It's between a $165 and $225 value. The deadline to enter is Friday, October 7. We'll put all the correct entries into our Super Bowl XLV hat and pick a winner to be announced on Monday, October 10. Good luck!

A.

B.

C.

D.

E.

F.


The correct answers are:

A. Jon Hamm
B. Ewan McGregor
C. Johnny Depp
D. Liev Schreiber
E. Elijah Wood
F. Tom Hanks

They are all wearing the Randolph Engineering Aviator frame.

Congratulations to reader Eric Bangerter for being skilled enough to answer correctly, and being lucky enough to have his name randomly picked from a hat. Way to go.

Ask the MB: Shaved Heads

Ask the MB: Shaved Heads
Q: What does the MB think about baldness? Obviously not George Costanza bald, but shaving one's head completely. It comes off as kind-of-MB-ish, potentially, but also frat-boy-ish. Where's the needle on the MB-meter when it comes to a completely shaved head?
—Andrew


A: There are a couple things to keep in mind when you're thinking about shaving your head as smooth as a bowling ball. First, does your naked head actually look like a bowling ball? Hair hides a lot of flaws, including asymmetrical facial features, funny-shaped skulls, below-average eyebrows, etc. Even a little hair can help a little bit — when you shave it all off, you may end up calling more attention to aspects of your appearance you'd prefer to keep less visible.

Second, the smooth-shaven look requires a lot of maintenance. That's one reason that we've advocated for a less aggressively shorn look for bald men in the past. That, plus the fact that there's a pretty good chance you're going to end up looking like a penis, a white supremacist, or a magician. Which is not to say that the full Savalas can't work for some men. As our guide below shows, the closer your shaved head looks to a large brown egg, the better your chances of success.

magnificent bastard baldness guide

Earlier: Ask the MB: Artfully Disheveled While Balding


Anthony Weiner Refuses to Apologize for Flag Pin?

Anthony Weiner Refuses to Apologize for Flag Pin?
When Tiger Woods finally addressed the media after his sex scandal last year, his statement included 3 "sorrys," 1 "apologize" and 0 "regrets." By contrast, Representative Anthony Weiner's opening statement included 4 "sorrys," 1 "apologize" and 1 "regret."

In other words, Anthony Weiner apologized 33% harder than Tiger Woods, and he didn't even nail any of these chicks!

But do you know what Anthony Weiner didn't apologize for? His promiscuous flag pin usage. Seriously, when Biggovernment.com released this photo of his remarkably hairless chest, we initially thought, "No, that can't be him ... no flag pin. He wears that stupid thing every time a camera's within 500 feet."

Later in the day, however, the horny Congressman admitted to and apologized for almost everything — the dick pics, the sexting, the lying. It was a sad, sordid performance, but let's hope, amidst all the political maneuverings and voyeuristic speculation that's sure to follow, its essential lessons are not lost in the hubbub:

1) When you're peppering Internet strangers with questions about their blow-job skills, that's when you should be discreet. When Andrew Breitbart accuses you of tweeting glamour shots of your dong to your Twitter followers, and you actually did tweet glamour shots of your dong to your Twitter followers, that's when you should be totally candid and transparent.

2) If you're 46 years old and your chest is smoother than an 18-year-old stripper's cooch, you have vanity issues.

3) Never wear a flag pin.

Earlier: Hal Holbrook in 1973's The Enforcer. The original American flag lapel pin?

MB CONTEST ALERT: Judge Randy Jackson's Awful Billboard Awards Getup

MB CONTEST ALERT: Judge Randy Jackson's Awful Billboard Awards Getup
We came across this photo of Randy Jackson at the 2011 Billboard Music Awards earlier this week and have been speechless ever since. Seriously, dawg, we're just not feeling it. By our count, Randy's only wearing eleven visible articles of clothing and accessories, and yet we see at least a dozen style misdemeanors!

If you can identify ten or more, send us an email by midnight CT on Memorial Day and we'll throw your name into a hat. On Tuesday, we'll pick one lucky winner, and that winner can pick one of these recommended Mountain and Sackett ties that are guaranteed, in their perfectly executed understatement, to add more style to your wardrobe than there is to be found in whatever extremely large vault Randy Jackson stores his vast collection of shiny baubles. Good luck!









UPDATE: Winner of the Judge Randy Jackson contest is Mark Delich, who offered the following 11 style misdemeanors:

1) Shiny pleather jacket with excessive pockets/snaps
2) Over-sized clock watch
3) Exposed crucifix on necklace
4) Multiple bracelets/cause wrist band
5) Over-sized wedding ring with stones
6) Soul patch
7) Graphic t-shirt with skull
8) Fat man wearing skinny jeans
9) Excessively glossy and pointy shoes
10) Diamond earring
11) Overall age appropriateness

We also would've accepted "fat man wearing skinny jacket," "flooded pants," and "legible clothing."

Ed. note: This contest far exceeded expectations. Thanks to all who entered and we'll do another one soon.

Donald Trump: Network First

Donald Trump: Network First
Yesterday Donald Trump announced he isn't running for president.

We didn't realize Trump's run was an either/or proposition between leading the country and giving up his Celebrity Apprentice gig. After all, President Obama finds time to golf every weekend — why couldn't Trump just tape his show on Saturdays?

But apparently his bosses at NBC don't want the host of one of the network's few successful franchises spending any time solutioneering issues like Social Security and health care when more pressing matters of state are at hand — like whether or not to fire Meat Loaf. And given that Trump makes rougly six and half times more money for a single episode of Celebrity Apprentice than President Obama makes in a year, it was easy to see which way the wind was blowing on this one.

Ask the MB: It's Linen Wearing Season

Ask the MB: It's Linen Wearing Season
Q: We know the MB views linen suits as having too much dishevelment regardless of any artfulness. And this MB agrees. But now Indochino offers suits that are 55% linen and 45% cotton. Does this blend allow them to avoid the problems of shape retention and excessive wrinkling? Please advise.
—James

Q: Does the warning against linen apply to shirts as well as to pants?
—Jerry


A: Every year about this time we're asked whether there's any sort of special dispensation for wearing linen given our feature Linen: It Sucks. Not really.

Don't be seduced by models wearing perfectly puckered linen shirts. Linen shirts are made out of the same thing as linen pants: Linen. And thus they fall prey to the same problems, veering disastrously from artful dishevelment to plain dishevelment within minutes of wearing.

As for the suit, we've previously argued that whatever material linen is blended with, that material must retain at least a 51% ownership stake. The Indochino suit misses this requirement by 6 percent. While it may not wrinkle as fast as, say, 37-year-old Kate Moss, it will still wrinkle faster than you'd like, even if it never touches a cigarette.

Where is 50%+ linen OK? Whenever the article in question is not expected to sheathe entire limbs — scarves, pocket squares, dinner party napkins, or ties like this black and almost-white gingham from Nashville, TN tiemaker Otis James are all acceptable.

MB Endorses: Owning The Dude's Sweater

MB Endorses: Owning The Dude's Sweater
In our cinematic world view there is The Big Lebowski and then there is every other movie ever made. While we could be fatuous with Lebowski references about how owning The Dude's actual sweater could really tie your wardrobe together, we say no funny stuff. For those of you who don't have 12,000 bones or clams or whatever you call them, you can get a vintage Pendleton Cowichan sweater on eBay for around $300. Or you could knit your own.

For those who don't get bogged down in a lotta ins, a lotta outs, or a lotta what-have-yous about the cost of things, see you at the auction.

Important: Even though it's on sale, and you may be an Achiever, do not compromise your ideals with a Little Lebowski.

Earlier: Magnificent Bastard Champagne Guide (Fucking Amateurs)

Ask the MB: Monograms

Ask the MB: Monograms
Q: I've searched the MB site and been a long time reader but cannot find anything about monograms. Pockets, cuffs? Which if either is Magnificent? A reputation is hanging on this. Thanks.
—T


A: In the context of clothing, monograms started out as a way for rich people to communicate with their launderers. "These are my shirts," a monogram says. "Return them to me, not Saltonstall."

Over time, monograms evolved into a way for anyone to communicate with people who can't afford a Kindle. "I can afford to spend $5 extra per shirt at Lands' End," a monogram says. "Meanwhile, you're just sitting there reading my shirt. Dick." Do you get what we're saying here? Monograms violate the principle of understatement, and are best left to the Donald Trumps of the world.

Plus, monograms are essentially tattoos for your clothes, and therefore just as superfluous on a truly beautiful shirt as, say, a tiny butterfly would be on Pippa Middleton's ass. Why further adorn that which is already perfect?

Dubonnet Cocktail, a Drink Fit for a Queen

Dubonnet Cocktail, a Drink Fit for a Queen
This just in from the Daily Mail: No beer at the royal wedding. Apparently, only champagne is dignified enough to whet Queen Elizabeth's whistle.

Too bad Elizabeth's mum, Her Majesty The Queen Mother, isn't still with us. She liked her beer just fine, as the photo at left illustrates. Even better, it wasn't really an AM summer party for her until the gin and Dubonnet made an appearance, as she wrote in a note which sold at auction for £16,000 in 2008:

"I think that I will take 2 small bottles of Dubonnet and gin with me this morning, in case it is needed."

Strictly speaking, Dubonnet Rouge is an aromatized wine, but we like to use it whenever a sweet vermouth is called for. Its ruby color and spicy aroma will provide a unique twist to any classic recipe. (It goes particularly well in one of our favorites, the Negroni.)

The Queen Mum preferred a weak version of a Dubonnet Cocktail, roughly 2 parts Dubonnet Rouge to 1 part gin. The recipe is quite flexible, though. On really hot days, or days when the royal bloodlines are being diluted even further — a common photographer? — the ratios can be reversed. The classic version, though, has it 1:1. Be sure to include a dash of orange bitters to bring out more complex hidden aromas in the Dubonnet.

Dubonnet Cocktail
* 1 oz. Dubonnet Rouge
* 1 oz. Dry Gin
* 1 dash orange bitters

Combine in ice shaker; shake. Strain into martini glass and garnish with twist of lemon.

Ask the MB: Boast USA

Ask the MB: Boast USA
Q: Boast USA; I think their polos are pretty MB. Yay or nay?
—Chris


A: In Pulaski, Wisconsin, circa 1985, the closest thing we had to a country club was the dart board at the American Legion. So we were unfamiliar with Boast until we started see it showing up on other websites last fall.

At first we figured J. Peterman was trying to outdo himself by inventing the backstory for an entire brand rather than a single piece of apparel. A brand named after a squash shot, started by a Greenwich, Connecticut tennis pro in the 1970s, worn by John Updike, Roscoe Tanner, and a young, crackhead-skinny G.W. Bush? And bearing a logo that looks like a marijuana leaf but is in fact a leaf from one of our favorite trees, the japanese maple? It all sounded a little too good to be true. Especially since when you look at the logos on various vintage shots of the shirts, they all seem to have been harvested at different times — that's a lot of variation in the size of that leaf.

So we did what all serious investigative journalists do when trying to nail down the facts. We poured ourselves some Macallan 18* and started watching Risky Business, which was said to feature a Boast shirt in it. A dozen or so ounces later, there it was, at 1:08:20. Case closed. The brand and its history appear to be as real as Teri Hatcher's breasts.

Anyway. Onward to your question. We like the brand and we especially like their tipped polo. We'd like it even better if it came with no logo whatsoever, but even as is, we still think it's sharp enough for darts at the American Legion. And if there were a tennis court anywhere within ten miles of here, we'd be wearing it there too.

* Why weren't we drinkings MBs? Because we were working, and we save MBs strictly for our leisure hours.

New York Times Style Editor Passes Integrity Test

<em>New York Times</em> Style Editor Passes Integrity Test
We'd love to believe this story is true — an aide to Libya's Minister of Cultural Affairs sends a letter to NY Times fashion editor Horacio Silva, asking Silva to help curate an exhibit at the Met celebrating Muammar Gaddafi's "four decades of superior dress sense."

To entice Silva to come to Libya to appraise Gaddafi's wardrobe — "3400 items of breathtaking sartorial magnificence," including "leisure wear mostly hand made from the finest fabrics on earth" — the letter-writer offers Silva an "all expenses paid trip to Tripoli."

Unfortunately, we find this missive's letterhead way too understated to be genuine. Not too mention the offer of an all expenses paid junket: Any real Libyan bureaucrat would know the anti-American libruls at the Times are so eager to conspire with evil dictators they'd be perfectly happy to pay their own way if they thought they could get away with it.

What this letter is, we're guessing, is a clumsy attempt to make the Times look bad, in the manner of James O'Keefe's ACORN sting. Silva, however, refused to take the bait. Honest, objective, non-partisan fashion journalism is not dead yet.

EARLIER: Muammar Gaddafi: The Man Who Would Be Ken

Donald Trump Shows You How Not to Wear a Tie

Donald Trump Shows You How Not to Wear a Tie
Every morning, we eat a plate of bacon that looks more youthful and dewy than Donald Trump's face. Because Trump has presidential aspirations and America rarely elects geezers, Trump appears to be taking his habit of wearing excessively long ties to even more comical lengths than usual. At a recent Tea Party rally in Florida, the Donald was sporting a tie that was long enough to tickle his nads — no wonder he's making that bellowing O-face while those in attendance cower behind a wall of ferns.

While we like the width of Trump's neckwear, the length is all out of proportion. At most, a tie should kiss the top of your pants — and it should only kiss the top of your pants in the way you kiss your best friend's wife — with absolute restraint. Let it dangle any lower, and you begin to look like a kid trying on his father's suit. Which, we assume, is the effect Trump is after — he's trying desperately to look boyish, to distract people from the fact that even though he's just 64 years old, his face now exhibits the stunning orange hue and petrified grandeur of a slab of ancient Moab slickrock. Alas, the average American voter is more likely to mountain-bike him than elect him, and not even a 70-inch tie is going to change that.

Anne Hathaway's Killer Glasses

Anne Hathaway's Killer Glasses
After bombing at the Oscars, is Anne Hathaway planning to bomb Kuwait?

We ask because, well, look at the glasses she was wearing when she showed up at the Rio premiere earlier this week. They're dead ringers for the infamous "Birth Control Glasses" the U.S. military forced Saddam Hussein to wear after digging him out of his spider-hole.

While we applaud Anne's decision to make a statement with bold, oversized frames, we think she probably should have gone with something a little less war criminal.The second-to-last thing we want to be thinking of when we look at Anne Hathaway is swarthy genocidal dictators. (The last thing? Anne hosting another Oscars, of course.)

Earlier: Women's glasses for getting passes

Prince William Gets Ready to Tie the Knot, MB-Style

Prince William Gets Ready to Tie the Knot, MB-Style
Granted, Prince William will be wearing the most glaring, in-your-face wedding band of all, the wedding band of fame, the wedding band that comes with having more than a billion people around the planet watch you get married....but still, we admire his decision to forsake the tiny golden fingercuff that positions the sacred covenant of marriage as a life sentence rather than a purely elective union between two people who really really want to be there, at least for eleven years or so.

Earlier: Ask the MB: Wedding Rings

Muammar Gaddafi: The Man Who Would Be Ken

Muammar Gaddafi: The Man Who Would Be Ken
Fifty years ago today, on March 11, 1961, Mattel unleashed a tiny cultural revolutionary upon an unsuspecting world. He was 12 and a half inches tall, he was made from Japanese vinyl, his name was Ken. Ken's influence on the American psyche cannot be overstated -- when you see bros wearing brocade, when you see musclebound peacocks like The Situation and Pauly D. bragging about how much laundry they do, blame Ken.

But surely Ken's most eager student has been Libyan strongman Muammar Gaddafi, who has completely internalized Ken's three rules for cultural domination. 1) Never wear the same outfit twice. 2) Rule with an iron fist....but sheathe that fist in a velvet glove. 3) A true leader doesn't just say he can wear many hats -- he actually wears them.

Ken Muammar Gaddafi
Ken Muammar Gaddafi
Ken Muammar Gaddafi
Ken Muammar Gaddafi
Ken Muammar Gaddafi

Earlier: Son of Gaddafi Rebels Against Dad's Bad Style With Entirely Different Kind of Bad Style


Ask the MB: John Lennon's Clip-On Sunglasses

Ask the MB: John Lennon's Clip-On Sunglasses
Q: Your 5/25/10 post on the John Lennon clip-on sunglasses is interesting but impossible to find. I've worn P3's for years. Good enough to storm the beach at Normandy, still good enough for me. But P4's? Can't find them and I've asked some old optometrists and they've never heard of them either. Google doesn't turn up any clues either. Any suggestions?
--Scott


A: We've asked our glasses expert for further clarification. "Even people in the industry don't use the terms 'P3' or 'P4' correctly, or at all," he says. "Find 3 people who use the words, and you'll get 3 different explanations, ranging from 'It's a military code word for the frame style,' to 'It's the relationship between the a and b dimensions.'

"Our understanding is that P3 refers to '3 points' -- the P3 shape is like a rounded, upside down triangle ... it has 3 points. Similarly, a P4 has 4 points and is usually a trapezoidal shape. If you look carefully at the photo of Lennon with sunglass clips, you can make out that he has P3 frames underneath and a P4 sunglass clip over them."

To attain the same effect, we recommend you purchase these vintage Polaroid aviator clip-ons. That way, your brain can imagine the world living as one all it wants, but your face will be packing the fire-power of two branches of our Armed Forces.

MB Recommends: If you don't already own a pair of P3s, we like Randolph Engineering's brand-new 49mm take on them.

Gaddafi Vehicle Choice Sends Mixed Signals

Gaddafi Vehicle Choice Sends Mixed Signals
As a rule, dictators tend to favor tanks or Mercedes Benz, but Muammar Gaddafi is not your average dictator. Yesterday the Libyan strongman took to the streets in a strange golf cart hybrid (the mostly electric cart appears to derive additional power from a bunch of sweaty guys in suits).

Given that Gaddafi presides over one of the most oil-soaked countries on earth and counts more than 3000 gas stations in Europe as part of his vast portfolio of international investments, we take this as a canny attempt to appear more progressive -- clearly he's concerned about climate change and doing his part to combat it. And if you're not, well, he just might shoot you in the face.

Son of Gaddafi Rebels Against Dad's Bad Style With Entirely Different Kind of Bad Style

Son of Gaddafi Rebels Against Dad's Bad Style With Entirely Different Kind of Bad Style
Saif al-Islam Gaddafi is clearly trying to make a point. In fact, we've actually seen sign language how-to videos that can't match his arsenal of hand gestures, but unfortunately his exposed crewneck t-shirts are communicating a message that drowns out all that finger-pointing and air-chopping: the 38-year-old London School of Economics-educated son of Muammar Gaddafi is in desperate need of a few casual collared shirts!

Earlier: Ask the MB: Half Zip Sweaters

Earler: Curb Your Enthusiasm For Questionable Wardrobe Choices

Martin Kaymer's Extreme Neckwear Malfunction

Martin Kaymer's Extreme Neckwear Malfunction
When it's a little chilly on the first tee, we recommend a white cotton turtleneck. When it's downright cold, a cashmere version like this flannel grey Harrison* (on deep discount) should do the trick. When it's snowing, as it was at the Accenture Match Play Championship in Tucson this weekend, we suggest you book a flight to somewhere where it's not snowing and play there. (There are plenty of nice courses in Maui, where it shouldn't start snowing until at least 2013.)

Whatever you do, though, never wear what Martin Kaymer, the world's newly crowned top-ranked player, was wearing this weekend. On Sunday's broadcast, we learned the hideous scarf-like accessory assaulting his neck is a UV Fishing Buff by artist and retired Florida Keys fishing guide Vaughn Cochran.

The UV Fishing Buff is made from Coolmax Extreme fabric and features a black fly fishing lure pattern that we're pretty sure is guaranteed to actually repel oysters and mollusks, not to mention creatures with actual eyes. The only time to wear such a thing is if you're skippering the S.S. Toolbag. Never ever wear one a golf course.

* Harrison's quality is as variable as Bubba Watson's golf swing. Some of their sweaters are our favorites; others barely make the Vietnam Veterans clothing donation bin. Inspect carefully before committing.

Ask the MB: Monocle

Ask the MB: Monocle
Q: I recently found out that I no longer need glasses, but whereas my vision is perfect in one eye, the other could use a +1.5 reader; in other words, I could legitimately wear a monocle. Now ordinarily I'm a big fan of unusual accessories, but is this going too far?
--Peter


A: Quick, name two monocle wearers that immediately come to mind. That's right, Mr. Peanut and Colonel Klink. What this says to us is that in the best-case scenario, people might associate you with a jaunty legume if you start wearing a monocle. And in the worst case, they'll look at you and think "Bumbling Nazi!" Our best advice to you? Squint.

Bill Murray Triumphs Over Knitwear

Bill Murray Triumphs Over Knitwear
Golf is a gentleman's game. If you work up a sweat, you're working too hard. Go back to the driving range and smooth out your swing. There's no need for performance polyester polos, ever.

For thirty years Bill Murray has been quietly -- albeit in a visually loud way -- preaching this gospel. As far as we can tell, he is the only golfer of note -- pro or amateur -- who consistently wears long-sleeved wovens on the course. Don't let the hats that even Tyler Perry wouldn't wear distract you. Don't be put off by the fact that he invariably looks like a sack of dirty laundry when teeing off. Style-wise, he ends up in bunkers and hazards more than Charles Barkley, but his allegiance to the long-sleeved woven -- starting with his iconic turn as Carl Spackler in Caddyshack and continuing through his first Pebble Beach victory yesterday -- is as straight and true as a Tiger Woods drive (back when he was good).

Earlier: Five looks for accepting the Masters green jacket that make Murray look even better.

Earlier: Putting and drinking -- do they mix?

Aaron Rodgers Fails to Execute on Letterman

Aaron Rodgers Fails to Execute on Letterman
We are huge fans of Aaron Rodgers. He not only wins, he looks good doing it, with a laid-back but commanding presence on the field. When it comes to passing efficiency, he's the NFL's best ever for quarterbacks with at least 1500 attempts. But when it comes to dressing efficiency, he may trail even Ben Rothleisberger, and that's not a good place to be. On Letterman last night, Rodgers went just 1 for 4. The dark denim is fundamentally sound, but the untucked woven with what looks like a suit jacket is a fumble on the opening drive, and the oversized watch overthrows good taste by at least ten yards. Get this man an offensive coordinator!

With his first Super Bowl victory under his belt, people are already comparing Rodgers to Bart Starr and Joe Montana ... but for the moment, at least, Broadway Joe's legacy as the NFL's most stylish QB ever seems extremely safe.

Earlier: Ben Roethleisberger getting gang-tackled by his ridiculously oversized jacket, shirt, and t-shirt.

Earlier: Joe Namath goes deep on sideline attire.

Ask the MB: T-Shirt Under Unbuttoned Woven

Ask the MB: T-Shirt Under Unbuttoned Woven
Q: What are your views on the T-shirt under casual unbuttoned shirt look? Thanks for your insight.
--James


A: We're not saying no one can pull this off, ever, but in general our take is too much dishevelment and not enough artfulness. Case in point: we imagine that there are very few photos in which Kurt Cobain looks like the goofiest member of Nirvana, but here you see one of them (top), and Cobain's shirt-and-tshirt combo is definitely a contributing factor.

Even if you're a junkie, we recommend a more put-together look, as William S. Burroughs demonstrates (bottom).

Ask the MB: What to Wear to Bears-Packers NFC Championship Game

Ask the MB: What to Wear to Bears-Packers NFC Championship Game
Q: Thanks for your style advice for attending sporting events. I will be attending an epic playoff game in Chicago this weekend. Any tips for a MB in training when attending (outdoor) winter sporting events? I don't want to do the snowmobile suit or work coverall look and some of our midwest neighbors are wont to do. Or, is it a conflict of interest to even provide advice to a Bears fan?
--Ryan


A: Your squad is 3.5 point dogs at home, against the #6 seed ... have you thought about wearing a Packers' jersey?

If that's too extreme, we recommend a fairly conservative approach. With good seats running between $1000 to $2000 on StubHub, you're probably shelling out a lot just to be there. With that in mind, do you really want to blow even more cash on a jacket there's a strong chance you'll only associate with depressing memories of Aaron Rodgers doing the Championship Belt in your house? Take Jennifer Aniston's lead and go with a Spiewak snorkel parka. It's as warm as it is cheap.


Ask the MB: Earmuffs

Ask the MB: Earmuffs
Q: Earmuffs. I don't think you've mentioned a thing about these. I see lots of suited lobbyists (toolbags) here in DC touting the 180s, though they seem like a better option compared to grandma earmuffs. What are your thoughts? Let the ears freeze? Mess up my hair with a hat that does the job?
--Jay


A: On January 21, 1961, John F. Kennedy took the oath of office in 22° weather and didn't wear a hat or scarf or earmuffs. Nor did Lyndon Johnson, and he was practically bald!

Not to mention the fact that you've also got fifty years of global warming working in your favor. We checked the latest 10-day forecast for DC -- there's nothing lower than 34° for a high over the next ten days.

But if you reckon you're not as hardy as either JFK or LBJ, forget the earmuffs and go with a cashmere hat which is warm, soft, and delivers a perfectly artfully disheveled head of hair every time.

Ask the MB: Jack Benny Glasses

Ask the MB: Jack Benny Glasses
Q: I am looking to find a pair of frames exactly like the style Jack Benny used to wear. I have pretty good eyes but my prescription is for 1.5 progressives as I am a reader and would wear them regularly every day. I see you show him with glasses on your site. Can you help me?
--Alex


A: We're not sure of the exact make/model Jack Benny is wearing, but all the major American eyewear companies made a slightly cat eye style like the one shown during that time. The Zyloware Invincible is close, as is the Criss Apollo. Both would work for progressive lenses, and are made of nylon, which is a big deal for daily wearers because they're significantly lighter than plastic acetate. We're big fans of Criss for this reason, and the fact that they're standard-issue U.S. Penitentiary eyewear.

Decoding Julian Assange's Hair

Decoding Julian Assange's Hair

Sweden wants to lock up WikiLeaks muckraker Julian Assange for blowing his whistle without a condom. The U.S. wants him for data-rape. Supposedly he's sequestered in a U.K. jail cell for the time being, but with Assange can you really ever be sure? His hair is like a Swiss Army knife of disguise. In limp noodle mode, it turns him into B-list bad guy Julian Sands. Seconds later, he's pop art cipher Andy Warhol or America's favorite Ladies Lady Ellen DeGeneres.

So is that really him on lockdown, or are the Brits maybe holding 007 by mistake?

Julian Assange Julian Sands
The Euro-Mullet
Julian Assange Neal Patrick Harris
Doogie Nights
Julian Assange Andy Warhol
The Mop Top
Julian Assange Hermey the Elf
Santa's Little Hacker
Julian Assange Ellen Degeneres
Tipped Off
Julian Assange Daniel Craig
The Quantum of Pompous

UGG! Tom Brady's Bad Hair Day

Tom Brady during Super Bowl XLII, February 3, 2008
Tom Brady during Super Bowl XLII, February 3, 2008
Turns out Tom Brady's Giselle-demanded, Bieberian locks are less fashion statement and more highly-coiffed combover. The increasingly reliable National Enquirer reports Brady's car was spotted outside Leonard Hair Transplant Associates in Cranston, R.I., on Nov. 9. That's the office of Dr. Robert Leonard, who calls himself "New England's foremost authority on hair restoration" (or just "Hair Doctor" for short).

Dude's going bald.

Longtime readers of this site knew that nearly three years ago, as we identified Brady's emerging bald spot during his team's loss to the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLII (pictured) and claimed it signaled the end of the Patriots dynasty.

In far more disturbing Tom Brady news, he's now in "partnership" with UGG and admits he's "worn and loved the UGG brand for a long time."

Ask the MB: An MB Would Never Ask the MB

Tom Brady, 2000 NFL Combine
Tom Brady, 2000 NFL Combine
Q: Do people who pose questions here truly believe they are ever going to achieve magnificent bastardly-ness? A true MB would not ask style questions; anyone asking a question is clearly TTH. Quite a paradox you have created here.
--Solo


A: Some MBs are born, others are made. If you've read this site even a little bit you know a lot of questions come from college students or recent grads. It's a formative period where many learn about opportunity cost and beer bongs and U.S. imperialism, and first develop personal style principles to apply for a lifetime.

Let's take the case of Tom Brady. As a soon-to-be college graduate from Michigan, he showed up at the 2000 NFL combine as a doughy, slow, anti-MB in grandpa boxers. He was drafted in the 6th round. Then the light switch went on and he transformed himself into a style icon who's married to a Brazilian supermodel, and in our view the best QB who ever lived.

While we don't promise the cover of GQ or the NFL Hall of Fame, go ahead and ask away.

Ask the MB: Driving Caps

Anyone ever hear of this movie?
Anyone ever hear of this movie?
Q: So MB - I was at an NBA game on Friday night and there were several MB-looking types wearing patterned driving caps. I've always thought of this as my grandpa's hat, wondering what your thoughts are.
--Jennifer


A: We charted the style curve rise and fall of driving/newsboy/ivy caps back in early 2008 and declared the trend dead when Cuba Gooding Jr. showed up at the 10,000 B.C. premiere wearing one (plus flashing hand signs). Now that Gooding Jr. has gone missing, co-starring with Val Kilmer and Christian Slater in straight-to-DVD flicks, and iconic toolbag and the frequent ivy cap-wearing Tony Romo is on injured reserve, this headwear style can now emerge from rehab. In fact, as the NFL season hits the increasingly chilly home stretch, we would not be surprised to see Tom Brady sporting a newsboy for one of his ridiculously stylish post-game press conferences.

The Van Gundy Rule: An Update

Stan Van Gundy at the 2010-11 season opener
Stan Van Gundy at the 2010-11 season opener
On September 30 the NBA implemented a new coaches' dress code that at the time was believed to prevent Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy from wearing his signature mock turtlenecks. It immediately became known as The Van Gundy Rule.

Ten days later the Orlando Sentinel suggested Van Gundy's mock turtlenecks qualified under the letter of the rules, which state coaches and assistant coaches must wear:

(a) A long or short-sleeved dress shirt (collared or turtleneck), and/or a dress sweater;
(b) Dress slacks, khaki pants, or dress jeans;
(c) A sport coat;
(d) Dress shoes or boots (but not including sneakers, sandals); and
(e) Socks.

Any MB knows there is a world of difference between a turtleneck and a mock turtleneck, and it would appear Stan Van Gundy does, too, as he coached the Magic's season opener against Washington in a point-collar woven (and down about 15 pounds).

In other news, chronic mock turtlenecker Tiger Woods -- also in a collared shirt -- was at the Magic opener as well.

Tip the MB: You're Wrong About Tie Width

Tip the MB: You're Wrong About Tie Width
Not a tip, but I need to point out where you have made an error. GQ has certainly not given up on skinny ties. (See previous post in question.) The tie Ryan Reynolds is wearing is probably 2.75 inches wide, which is about what Gitman Bros runs. If you are still not sure, just compare it to the width of his wrist right on top of it. They are the same. My wrist is 2.5 inches wide. Still don't believe me? Look at the Michael Kenneth Williams spread later. The only tie over 3" is the Tom Ford. Now, I get that you like wider ties, but you have been calling the peak of the thin tie trend for two years. It is starting to feel like wishful bastardly thinking.
--Miller


A: You know what, Miller? You are right and we are wrong. We regret the error. That black herringbone tie worn by Ryan Reynolds on the October GQ cover is in fact exactly 2.75" wide according to Gitman Bros, not the 3+" we suggested.

We're glad you brought up Tom Ford, though, because he's the canary in the lapel and tie-width coal mine. For F/W 2010 he's widening pretty significantly (top) and everyone else will follow.

Meanwhile, to switch the metaphor from mining to parade-going, EXPRESS is the equivalent of the dudes at the end sweeping up the elephant shit, and from their advertisement from the same GQ issue, they're still in the 1.5" - 2.5" range (bottom).


Ask the MB: Bradley Cooper's Cotton Blazer

Ask the MB: Bradley Cooper's Cotton Blazer
Q: Greetings! Love the site. I'm hoping you can tell me where a young professional MB might find a relaxed cotton blazer like the one Bradley Cooper has on here? Thanks.
--Drew


A: Blazers like this will be fairly plentiful in a couple of months as retailers/designers roll out S/S 2011 but for now it's slim pickings. First, browse through the sale rack at YOOX (our favorite blazer-hunting grounds) and you might get lucky. If you need this now and have shorter-than-average arms, the Lands End Canvas Chino Blazer is worth a try. It was a return for us but it's $89.50 (was just $69.50 when Canvas launched, BTW), has functioning buttonholes, a modern fit, and it's very close to what Bradley Cooper is wearing, including the alligator-length arms.

NB: Pairing with gingham strongly endorsed.

Ed. Note: Since pointing out that the blazer is 3-button vs. 2-button as Canvas originally advertised, we love how they've modified the copy to make it a 2.5-button blazer: "Also of note: this jacket has a three-button front, but the lapel is designed so only two buttons show."

Tip the MB: 'The Situation' Wrote a Book, Dawg

Tip the MB: 'The Situation' Wrote a Book, Dawg
The forces of evil are everywhere, MB must be the light.
--Andre


From the inside cover:

Listen, dawg. You're probably hitting the gym, doing your tanning, and picking up fresh laundry every day. And maybe you've had some success beating up the beat and creeping on chicks in the club. But do you really think your situation is where it needs to be? Be honest with yourself, bro.

This book here will take your game to a level thought unattainable, given your physical limitations (because we can't all look like Rambo, pretty much, with our shirt off). We start with GTL-the bedrock of life itself. And then we hit the GTL Remix-the rules for getting your personal grooming did. From there it's my guide to the Jersey Shore, battle plans for the club, a primer on grenades and wingmen, and tips for ridding yourself of all levels of clinger. Then I look at the big picture: how to cook the perfect lasagna, how to find a life partner, and how to deal with being one of the most famous people on the planet-which is guaranteed if you follow my advice.

This is the bible for Situation Nation. Read it, live it, and crush it.

UPDATE: Reader Dan astutely observes: "Just in case you missed it, the amazon link you provided for The Situation's book has only two tags: 'hey ma' and 'euthanasia.' Perfection."


Ask the MB: Half-Zip Sweaters

Cotton-cashmere half-zip sweater via J. Crew, $85.00
Cotton-cashmere half-zip sweater via J. Crew. $85.00.
Q: What's your take on those half zip sweaters with the collars that kind of stand up, like the J. Crew version? Is this akin to popping a collar? Or, is this acceptable collar territory?
--DTC


A: We hate these sweaters. But it's got nothing to do with collar popping and everything to do with them being stuck in a stylistic no man's land between Mark Zuckerbergian fleece outerwear and a regular sweater, much like capri pants are stuck between pants and shorts, or a mock turtleneck is stuck between a turtleneck and a t-shirt. In fact, if you zip one of these up and throw a blazer over it, you're in Van Gundy Rule territory. Avoid.

Tip the MB: Mark Zuckerberg as Toolbag Weapon

Tip the MB: Mark Zuckerberg as Toolbag Weapon
I read this on The Daily Beast and thought it prudent to advise the MB. Toolbaggery has a deadly weapon in its arsenal: Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
--Dino


Over two years ago we added "The Principle of Not Looking Like Mark Zuckerberg" to the MB canon, so we're definitely aware of the threat his fleece, Adidas slides, and non-pedicured toes pose. However, it should be noted that the rise of Microsoft did not lead to widespread adoption of fellow Harvard drop-out Bill Gates' colorblock-sweater-over-floral-woven look.

Ed. note: We are officially madly in love with Rebecca Dana, the author of the Beast piece.

Ask the MB: Allstate's Mayhem's Collar Bar

Ask the MB: Allstate's Mayhem's Collar Bar
Q: What's your take on collar bars (aka collar pins) as a bastardly accessory? A vintage touch to a magnificent ensemble, unecessarily dressy for everyday at the office, or just TTH? I mean, it's hard to deny the "Mayhem" guy from recent Allstate commercials is a bastard and a half, and wears a tie bar in every ad.
--Nate


A: Based on the number of marriage proposals on YouTube, Allstate has an even bigger hit on their hands with Mayhem than Dos Equis had with The Most Interesting Man in the World.

There is a lot to like here: the shirt collar/tie knot combination, the real 5 o' clock shadow, the way he pulls off a receeding hairline, and of course that sinister grin. And the wink, too. It's no wonder women are crazy for this guy.

The only knock is the personalized license plate (pictured), which is the toolbag auto's de facto standard. As for the collar bar, it's a little Mad Men-y and hence played out, but if you're otherwise as artfully disheveled and bruised and cut up as Mayhem, it works to balance out the look.

MB Endorses: The Van Gundy Rule

MB Endorses: The Van Gundy Rule
Apologies for being a tad late with any mention of this news, but for the 2010-11 season the NBA is implementing a new dress code requiring coaches to wear collared shirts during games. Now that mock turtleneck king Don Nelson is out of a job in Golden State, this affects only Orlando Magic coach and MB sartorial piñata Stan Van Gundy.

While the new rule won't prevent Van Gundy from wearing some appalling shirt/tie combos this year (which we will surely document as they begin to appear), kudos to the NBA for banning this style atrocity. Now perhaps the PGA Tour will wake up and finally apply similar rules for its players. It shall be called the Tiger Woods Rule.

Ask the MB: Faux 5 O'Clock Shadow

If you're going to do it, do it like this
If you're going to do it, do it like this
Q: What are the rules for stubble on your neck and face? To me, stubble/five o'clock shadow represent the 'I don't care, deal with it' look. I like it, if I had a thicker coat I'd do it. However, is it wrong to have a problem with those who shave the neck, but leave the face stubbled?
--Brian


A: No, it's not wrong to have a problem with this oxymoronic look. It's completely defeating the point of the stubble and doesn't make sense prima facie. Get it?

Add it to the list of other things we don't understand, like decaffeinated coffee, non-alcoholic beer, and dry humping.

Ask the MB: Athletic Socks

John McEnroe winning his first Wimbledon in 1981
John McEnroe winning his first Wimbledon in 1981
Q: My wife and I have a disagreement. We joined a "walk for charity" the other day. Most of the men were wearing ankle socks with their tennis shoes. I have always preferred the calf-high athletic sock pushed down just slightly to give it a disheveled look whenever I run or work out. My wife is trying to tell me that the calf high sock is out of style and the ankle sock is the new style. I think ankle socks are for women tennis players. While a real man wears calf-high athletic socks. Will you please set her straight?
--Eamon


A: Congratulations, Eamon, on being a lot less wrong than your wife. We see where you're going with the artfully disheveled tube sock look, but would like it better if they've got a stripe or two, as worn by male tennis players. As for your wife's current thinking on men's socks, ankle socks suck. They offer none of the disheveled/vintage benefits of quarter or crew-length, and leave tan lines that trash the exposed ankle look.

Our suggestion is no-show socks. Wigwam, based in Sheboygan, Wisconsin -- a town so completely Wisconsin we invented and then named a cocktail after it -- makes a good no-show athletic sock that's primarily cotton, an organic materials rarity in the age of Dri-release®, Lumiza™, Coolmax®, or other new-fangled synthetics that only serve to make our feet sweat.


GQ Finally Off Skinny Tie Kick?

<em>GQ</em> Finally Off Skinny Tie Kick?
Literally a couple of years after skinny ties were post-peak, GQ covers still featured them, as recently as August with funnymen Zach Galifianakis and Paul Rudd both in ties in sub-3" widths. For September LeBron James was in a Ralph Lauren Purple Label cashmere tie that's pushing 4" at its widest point, and the newly released October issue has Ryan Reynolds in a Gitman Bros. herringbone that looks to be about 3 3/8".

Like Lindsay Lohan, who graced the cover of the August German GQ, we also prefer our ties with a little meat on their bones. Anything in the 3" to 3 1/2" range works for fall 2010.

Ask the MB: Teacher Look

Ask the MB: Teacher Look
Q: I'm starting a new school year on Tuesday and want to know: what does an MB teacher wear?
--Eric


A: As is often the case, movies hold the answer. You want to set yourself apart from the Phys. Ed. teacher, but not go too dressy in the direction of Mr. Hand or Ben Stein's famed economics teacher; it's a slippery slope towards administration, or Looking Like Principal Richard Vernon.

While this was the least believable movie role since Denise Richards played a nuclear physicist in The World is Not Enough, Bradley Cooper's artfully disheveled prep-school teacher in The Hangover strikes a fine balance: vest (one size smaller than normal), sleeve-rolled chambray work shirt, undone repp tie, accessorized with a vintage watch in a black nylon band.



Blagojevich Convicted on All Style Counts

Blagojevich Convicted on All Style Counts
Federal prosecutors were only able to convict former Illinois governer and First Toolbag Rod Blagojevich of a single count of lying to the FBI, but more significantly, they did unearth receipts showing a 7-year, $400,000 clothing budget for he and his wife at stores like Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus. (If this is ringing a bell somewhere, it definitely should.)

Blago also spent heavily at custom suitmaker Tom James Company and had custom dress shirts made by Geneva Custom Shirts. Yet, in spite of all the expense and bespoke tailoring, he failed to grasp even the most basic style truth: don't combine spread collars with four-in-hand knots.

SEE ALSO: Magnificent Bastard's Custom Shirt Reviews. (Unfortunately Geneva Custom Shirts was not one of the participants.

Ask the MB: Tie Clips

Ask the MB: Tie Clips
Q: What are your thoughts on tie clips? I've noticed some articles on ties and suits and thought maybe I skimmed over something on tie clips. I have a wedding coming up and will be sporting a 2 button, single vented, dark grey, slim fitting suit with white/charcoal edged cotton pocket square, purple checked shirt and a solid lavender tie. Will a well placed silver tie clip make the outfit complete?
--Mike (MB in training)


A: Mike, are you angling for a cameo on The Sartorialist?

Besides strongly recommending a plain white pocket square, we'd pass on the tie clip. Like fused collars, collar stays, creased pants, starch, and excessive hair gelling, tie clips contribute to a too neat, too calculated, too TTH look. We call for freedom for ties! To dangle asymmetrically, to catch a little gust of wind, to do their part contributing to the aesthetic goal of artful dishevelment.

Ask the MB: Guy Fieri

Ask the MB: Guy Fieri
Q: When you finally get the Toolbag Fantasy League section of this site up and running, I call dibs on The Food Network's Guy Fieri. He is clearly the anchor for a championship caliber squad. I happened to flip past him on television last night and the guy is not missing a single facet of toolbagism. I of course am operating under the assumption that he had a cell phone belt holster hiding underneath his size XXL bowling style shirt with flames printed on it. Watch out fellow Fantasy Toolbag Leaguers, I plan on hoisting the silverware at the end of the season.
--Steven


A: Timely question/comment Steven, since the New York Times has a feature on the classic toolbag archetype in today's paper that begins with him opening a performance at Circus Maximus at Caesars Atlantic City to "Sweet Home Alabama."


Ask the MB: Pants Rolling

Ask the MB: Pants Rolling
Q: Is rolling pants magnificent? It doesn't seem so, but there it is, apparently. nytimes.com/2010/07/15/fashion/15ROW.html
--Zac


A: We addressed this in early spring as the fad was emerging, in a Steve McQueen-Erkel side-by-side. As with most novelties to sweep the streets of Manhattan, we don't get it. Yeah, exposed ankles can be a very good thing, but pants rolling effectively shortens your legs, making you appear, uh, shorter. It's too bad 7' 7" Manute Bol recently died; he was a perfect pant-rolling candidate! Finally, the fact that the craze was popularized by the shrunken, man-shrinking designer Thom Browne really seals the deal. Our advice: Wait this one out (it won't be long).

Ask the MB: Cary Grant's Regular Glasses

Ask the MB: Cary Grant's Regular Glasses
Q: I've been rambling through the web for months now hoping I could find a name and model of the black horn-rimmed glasses the late wonderful Mr. Cary Grant wore. They were so plain yet held their own level of style among the simplicity. What can you all tell me?
--T.R.


A: While we're still researching the make/model of Mr. Grant's North by Northwest sunglasses, we're confident about his off-screen glasses as pictured on this old GQ cover: They're Rodenstock Roccos.

To our eye, Roccos look not so much like glasses as the theatrical prop version of glasses -- glasses that even the folks in the last aisle of the balcony can see. This isn't to say we don't like them -- just that the degree of difficulty in pulling them off is high. Unless your face is a leading man type itself, they will steal the scene from it every time. And who wants to be upstaged by their glasses?

Ask the MB: Beckham and Capello's World Cup Suits

Ask the MB: Beckham and Capello's World Cup Suits
Q: What does MB think of David Beckham and Fabio Capello's Umbro suits for the 2010 World Cup? Is this a winning look?
--Brennan


A: Nicely proportioned lapel, two button front, four button (which we presume to be functioning) cuffs, double rear vents in the traditional British style, and a three-lion crest. If you can excuse the creases in the pants, there is a lot to like here -- but unfortunately FIFA doesn't award any points for the amount of fearsome wildlife on your breast pocket.

With England currently 0-0-2, with just one goal to its credit, and unlikely to make it out of the weak Group C, the suits are looking a little TTH, like Beckham and Capello spent more time preparing their wardrobe than their team.

Ask the MB: Flying Attire

Channing Tatum's got the Vans part right
Channing Tatum's got the Vans part right
Q: MB, what are your thoughts on airplane attire? Comfortable is a plus, but of course it must be bastardly enough to defy the disturing trend of pajama wearers who have inundated our nation's skies.
--Stephen


A: We agree, today's fliers look like they're ready to either a.) attend a slumber party, or b.) run the 100 meter hurdles. Millions of Americans in tracksuits is probably not the outcome Osama bin Laden had in mind, but in the War on Style, the terrorists have won.

Just a couple of simple rules here: 1.) Wear pants that don't require a belt (no drawstrings or elastic allowed), and 2.) Wear a pair of shoes you can easily slip on and off, like these John Varvatos canvas slip-on loafers or for something more casual, Sperry slip-ons, or Vans.

Ask the MB: Tom Cruise's Sunglasses in Knight and Day

Ask the MB: Tom Cruise's Sunglasses in <em>Knight and Day</em>
Q: Long time reader. How do you like the glasses Tom Cruise is sporting in his latest flick?
--Hector



A: Tom Cruise is oh-for-three at the Oscars, but your question got us thinking. If the Academy ever gives an award for Lifetime Achievement: Eyewear, he'll be a strong contender. It doesn't matter if he's playing a boyishly charismatic high school pimp with a dynamite smile, or a boyishly charismatic Nazi with a dynamite smile, he always demonstrates a fearless, daring, almost reckless willingness to commit to whatever eyewear the role requires.

Those Persol 2931's Cruise is wearing in Knight and Day that you're asking about are definitely a high mark -- we are certified fans of this approach to sunglasses -- but for us he reached his zenith with the eyepatch he sported in Valkyrie. An eyepatch is a gimmick, sure, but as everyone from Sammy Davis Jr. to Snake Plissken to David Ogilvy can attest, it's a remarkably effective way to inject your persona with a sense of mystery, gravitas, and sex appeal. Especially if you only have one good eye.

tom cruise: frame by frame

Ask the MB: Boating Hat

Ask the MB: Boating Hat
Q: I am looking for a hat to wear while on my boat. But hats are tricky and could easily fall into the TTH realm. Any suggestions?
--Matt


A: We like to think of boats as convertibles of the sea, and our rule for convertibles is to let Mother Nature serve as your stylist. As JFK convincingly demonstrates, nothing looks better than artfully dishevelled, wind-blown hair.

If you don't have enough hair for Mother Nature to style, we recommend the sort of low-profile, long-billed cap that Ernest Hemingway used to favor (top). Quaker Marine has been making them since 1948. Their Original Swordfish model will give you the protection from the sun you need while steering you clear of captain's hats, which have been relegated to the style brig for decades now due to their popularity amongst 1970s-era nautical toolbags and screw-ups.

Tackled by Ugly Suit, Reggie Bush Fumbles Heisman

Tackled by Ugly Suit, Reggie Bush Fumbles Heisman
We always thought it was a package deal. You win the Heisman, you get the trophy and a cheap and boxy pinstripe suit to go with it.

But apparently not. In 2005, sports marketers gave Reggie Bush a rent-free home, a limousine, and the suit he wore when accepting the Heisman Trophy in December 2005.

Let's hope they had better taste in rent-free homes and limousines, because to lose a Heisman over a suit he could've picked up from a Men's Warehouse clearance rack is a damn shame.

Tip the MB: Cary Grant Sunglasses

Tip the MB: Cary Grant Sunglasses
In your recent post "Cool Sunglasses for Summer 2010", I believe the Cary Grant sunglasses from North by Northwest are Persol P0714's. Just thought you and your readers would want to know in case people wanted to get a pair for themselves!
--Alex


A: Alex, you're getting your classic movie sunglasses mixed up. Steve McQueen wore Persol 714's in The Thomas Crown Affair (bottom). While Persol 714's are folding sunglasses, Grant's sunglasses broke in half while he was being stowed away by (the ridiculously sexy) Eva Marie Saint. And that's not the only reason we're virtually certain Grant's aren't Persols:

* They're lacking the trademark silver arrow
* The first known big-screen sighting of Persol was on Marcello Mastroianni in Divorce Italian Style (1961)
* Persol was first introduced to the U.S. in 1962
* North by Northwest was made in 1959

A definitive ID of Grant's sunglasses definitely requires more research, and we've got some of vintage eyewear's best minds working on it, but we suspect they're what we originally thought: horn-rimmed eyeglasses fitted with tinted lenses.

MB Note to Rickie Fowler

MB Note to Rickie Fowler
Son, once you win a PGA tour event, go ahead and make all orange your signature Sunday style. Until then, it's a TTH look that's a cross between an Oompa Loompa and a construction cone.

Tip the MB: Andy Garcia at Lakers/Celtics Game

Tip the MB: Andy Garcia at Lakers/Celtics Game
Did you just see Andy Garcia at the Lakers/Celtics game? He just made my weekend. This is worth noting. And celebrating.
--DC


A: Yes, we did note Andy Garcia at last night's game, and we're not sure if it was Andy Garcia or What Robert Downey Jr. Will Look Like in 10 Years.

TOP: Andy Garcia, 54, at last night's Lakers/Celtics game.

BOTTOM: Robert Downey Jr., 45, at the Iron Man 2 premiere in April.

Japanese Prime Minister Hatoyama Resigns

Japanese Prime Minister Hatoyama Resigns
Bill Clinton got tripped up by a blue dress. Japanese Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama got done in by a blue, red, green, purple, yellow, and black shirt. Yesterday the politician resigned after just eight months in office, his popularity eroded in large part because of a shirt he wore to a barbecue and other out-of-the-box fashion choices. Always remember this, readers: Sometimes, cheating on good taste can get you into even more trouble than cheating on your wife.

Ask the MB: Bryan Ferry, The James Bond of Rock 'n' Roll?

Ask the MB: Bryan Ferry, The James Bond of Rock 'n' Roll?
Q: I was just thinking about how Bryan Ferry hasn't ever popped up on this site (at least that I can remember)...I think he deserves a little more recognition than he gets for a few reasons:

1. His music is some of the best made in the 80s. Particularly with Roxy Music. Contemporary at the time but still classic despite the normal pitfalls of the era (very "80s" production, dependence on models gracing the album covers).

2. Impeccable style. Look at literally ANY photo of him. Perfectly rolled sleeves, check. Askew bowtie or loose necktie, check. Commitment to a classic hairstyle for 40 years, check.

3. Dated Amanda Lear, Jerry Hall (BEFORE Mick Jagger), married Lucy Helmore...

4. He's British.

Basically what we're talking about here is the Bond of Rock'n'roll.
--Carter


A: We like the idea of a "Bond of rock 'n' roll" and appreciate the case you make for Ferry. There is, however, the little matter of this photo from 1972, which clearly suggests the influence he would eventually have on cultural icons as diverse as Wild at Heart-era Nic Cage, Ed Grimley, and Siegfried & Roy. That's a tough legacy to overcome, and to be honest, while we know he played a crucial role in synth-pop's evolution as aural tranquilizer, Avalon never made us feel all that comfortably numb. While a better candidate for the Bond of rock 'n' roll doesn't immediately come to mind, we're abstaining from voting for now.

Ask the MB: Aviator Eyeglasses?

Ask the MB: Aviator Eyeglasses?
Q: You seem to really like the aviator style for sunglasses. Do you consider them MB for eyeglasses as well?
--John


A: Aviator frames without tinted lenses are like non-alcoholic beer or vegetarian Beefaroni -- they're missing the thing that makes the thing the thing! To illustrate our point, look at Bradley Cooper in tinted aviators (top) and GQ Style Editor Jim Moore in aviators with clear lenses. The former displays classic MB style. The latter, as we've observed in the past, looks like our high school algebra teacher. If you want to stay on the winning side of this equation, leave the clear aviators to Moore and Lumberg, mmm'kay?

The Hatoyama Shirt

The Hatoyama Shirt
We'd never heard of Japanese Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama until he showed up to a barbecue dressed like a cross between giant Rubik's Cube and a Vegas mobster (see photo). Normally, we're not fans of patchwork shirts, black turtlenecks, or greasy pompadours, but if you put them all together and you're the ruler of one of the weirdest countries on the planet, well, what can we say? We like this look, Prime Minister Hatoyama!

Not everyone agrees with us. Japanese designer Don Konishi called Hatoyama's shirt outdated and out of touch, just like his political ideas and policies. (Glass houses department: Look at Konishi's own line of clothes.)

But is Hatoyama's multi-colored shirt-like thing really a monstrous relic from the '80s or '90s, as Konishi charges, or just a prototype for next season's Black Fleece plaid fun shirt? Or a future Opening Ceremony collaboration?

If you don't want to wait until S/S 2011 to get your Hatoyama Shirt, the early adopters at Shirtsmyway.com are offering a limited-edition version now, for $500. Drably dressed leaders of the world, take note.

Ask the MB: John Lennon Sunglasses

Ask the MB: John Lennon Sunglasses
Q: I've been trying to find sunglasses like the ones John Lennon wore in this photo. Any suggestions? (Feel free to comment on how great they are as well.)
--Zach


A: Imagine there are no designer sunglasses, Zach. It isn't hard to do...

In such a world, even millionaire rockstars wear "P3" frames issued by the government's nationalized healthcare program. And when it's sunny out, they slap on a pair "P4" clip-ons. This, at least, is what our glasses expert tells us Lennon is doing in that pic. While we're dubious about the common-man pretensions underlying the gesture, we can't argue with the aesthetic results. Done right, eyewear layering equals artful dishevelment. The key is to make sure your glasses don't match your clip-ons too closely. If you need more inspiration, see Woody Allen circa 1968.

Ask the MB: Red Jacket Vintage Baseball Apparel

Ask the MB: Red Jacket Vintage Baseball Apparel
Q: With baseball season under way, I've been looking around to add to my collection. I love vintage, understated quality and think I've found the fit with Red Jacket. What do you think? MB or minor league? http://www.redjacketclothing.com/
--AR


A: We recommended Red Jacket on opening day of the 2009 season. So while we're not crazy about publicizing the fact that the sports team from your area is superior to the sports team from another area, Red Jacket is definitely the way to do it. The way not do it? Matthew Morrison, seen here at last weekend's subway series, provides a handy visual guide.

Ask the MB: Date With Olivia Palermo

Ask the MB: Date With Olivia Palermo
Q: I have a date with Olivia Palermo (she is on MTV's the City) this Friday. Since she is so into fashion I would like some advice from the pros on what I should wear. Thanks.
--Jay


A: Since Palermo has been dating model Johannes Huebl for the last couple years, you've got your work cut out for you. Huebl has the casually stylish investment banker on the weekend look mastered, so we recommend that you counterprogram with this t-shirt from Reborn Couture, which parties in the front and in the back. If you can swing it by tomorrow night, also get the arm sleeve to achieve the full effect.

Ask the MB: Bond Never Rode a Bicycle to Work

Bond, still in golf shoes after winning his match with Goldfinger
Bond, still in golf shoes after winning his match with Goldfinger
Q: Dear MB: WTF? I bet James Bond never biked to work. Why don't you get back to doing what you do best, for example by telling me whether an MB can or should wear a blue seersucker jacket, and if so, with what pants.
--Julian


A: We've seen all the movies -- in some cases dozens of times -- and don't recall any scenes where 007 is rolling along at 5 MPH for 30 minutes behind some toolbag in an Escalade with a "Freedom Isn't Free" bumper sticker. There's nothing magnificent about enduring traffic jams twice a day, which is why we endorse bike commuting in many situations.

Regarding the seersucker, if your blazer is cut more like J. Crew instead of J. Press, it would look great with denim, especially white. 'Tis the season.

Ask the MB: Cashmere Pants

Ask the MB: Cashmere Pants
Q: What do you think about cashmere pants for my girlfriend? What about for myself?
--Kel


Loose-lipped hotel workers in Hawaii recently blabbed to the Daily Star that George Clooney won't go anywhere without his cashmere "security blanket." Say what you will about the fact that a 48-year-old man has a special blanket. George Clooney is one of the few people on earth who can get whatever he wants, whenever he wants it, and apparently what he wants is cashmere. If that's not an endorsement for the world's best fabric, we don't know what is.

We think cashmere should be a year-round part of everyone's wardrobe. So get your girl those pants. And get some for yourself while you're at it. But don't actually wear them until at least October. In the summer months, you want to limit your cashmere usage to blankets, lightweight sweaters, and golf club headcovers.

Ask the MB: Robert Downey Jr. T-Shirt

Ask the MB: Robert Downey Jr. T-Shirt
Q: Robert Downey Jr. has been on the cover of damn near every magazine this month sporting t-shirts by Alternative Apparel: www.alternativeapparel.com. Their clothes seem to follow MB principles, but I don't want the TH (Too Hollywood) look if I pick up a few. Thoughts?
--Chris


A: On the cover of the May 2010 Men's Journal he's wearing the Eco-Grey aa1973 Eco-Heather Crew, and while it's not TH, is definitely TTH with ingredient complexity exceeding that of a Slim Jim. Plus we're not crazy about that chubby ringer tee collar on a non-ringer tee. But their other options look somewhat promising in our quest for The Perfect White T-shirt, especially The Dean Slub Crew.

Ask the MB: Cool Sunglasses for Summer 2010

Bradley Cooper in <em>The A-Team</em>, wearing Allyn Scura Legend sunglasses
Bradley Cooper in The A-Team, wearing Allyn Scura Legend sunglasses
Q: We can all agree Wayfarers have peaked in popularity and aren't even a consideration for sunglasses this summer. Aviators are timeless, but not original. What's the recommendation to separate from the Wayfaring pack and be able to say in a few summers, "I've been wearing those for years."
--Sean


A: If you own any Wayfarers, send them to a needy Third World celebrity. Even in the Risky Business era we never wore 'em, and never will. Aviators, on the other hand, are like black boots: every MB should have at least one pair in his wardrobe.

But if you're wanting to be out ahead of the trend curve -- and it sounds like you do -- put tinted lenses in a pair of horn-rimmed eyeglasses. Done most famously by Cary Grant in North By Northwest more than 50 years ago, and restared 5 years ago by Johnny Depp with his pair of vintage Tart Arnels, they're trending. See Robert Downey Jr. at the Oscars (in the Oliver Peoples Sheldrake), and Bradley Cooper in The A-Team, opening next month (in the Allyn Scura Legend). But skip the blue lenses for brown or green. They're TH (Too Hollywood), or just plain TTH.

Ask the MB: Girlfriend's Eyebrow Grooming

Ask the MB: Girlfriend's Eyebrow Grooming
Q: I love my girlfriend and everything she does or wears is sexy and beautiful. Except for one thing, she plucks her eyebrows so thin it makes her look like a surprised doll. I wish she would grow them out naturally, but I have no idea how to tell her -- plus I don't think an MB would ever try to correct his girl's appearance. But the eyebrows are making me crazy -- I was even thinking of taking her camping for three weeks just to force them out. What can I do?
--Lee


A: Lee, first off, thanks for entrusting us with your love life -- we are always surprised at how few people seem to think a men's style website is the most appropriate venue for solving tricky relationship problems.

In any case, our first thought is that we generally prefer cat-like women: graceful, inscrutable, with fastidious grooming habits. But we agree that plucked, or at least overplucked, eyebrows take fastidious grooming one step too far.

So here's what we suggest you do. Casually browse through one of your girlfriend's old photo albums, tell her how cute she looks, etc. When you find a photo from her pre-plucking years, ramp up the praise even more: "Oh my God, look at you. Those eyebrows. You look like Brooke Shields!" Don't overdo it or she'll get suspicious. Just the one comment and move on to some other subject. Now, the seed has been planted. If your girlfriend fails to take action, that's a clear sign she'd prefer to look like Divine than Brooke Shields. In which case you have our deepest sympathies.

Robert Downey Jr. Goatee Advisory System Shifts from 'Guarded' to 'Severe'

Robert Downey Jr. Goatee Advisory System Shifts from 'Guarded' to 'Severe'
TOP
At the Oscars, Robert Downey Jr.'s goatee was fairly subtle, but also showing signs of gray, which experienced facial hair analysts typically interpret as a warning sign of brewing facial hair trouble. Thus, his Goatee Advisory System, aka his sunglasses, were indicating a threat level of blue, or "Guarded: General risk of jet-black Vegas magician goatee attack."

BOTTOM
At the Hollywood premiere of Iron Man 2, things had taken a clear turn for the worse, with Downey's Goatee Advisory system getting the upgrade from blue to red, or "Severe: Severe risk of jet-black Vegas magician goatee attack." If you're located in Southern California, it can't hurt to stock up on bottled water and canned food until the Robert Downey Jr. Goatee Advisory System drops to at least yellow. ("Elevated: Significant risk of jet-black Vegas magician goatee attack.")

Contact the MB: Scooter Helmets

Contact the MB: Scooter Helmets
Sorry, ya'all. There is no such thing as an MB scooter helmet because scooters just ain't MB. Especially nuevo-retro scooters. Riding a scooter is like fucking a fat chick. It might be fun until your friends find out. Said another way, did McQueen ever ride a scooter? Fuck no. He was a MAN, and he rode a MOTORCYCLE. Take a hint. Scooters are either for dorks or toolbags.
--Chris


Last week, after our scooter helmet post, we learned that many of our readers do not like scooters one bit. Or helmets. One reader even concluded the post was so off-brand that we had to be paid by either Genuine Scooters or Bell helmets to write it.

That's not true. In fact, our policy on advertisers is the same as our policy on fat chicks. When we land one, we tell everyone!

But we're getting off-track. This post is about scooters. As longtime readers know, we've always liked 'em. Making them work does, however, have a high DD (degree of difficulty). It helps if you're ex-CIA with an unflappable patrician air, but even imminent rock superstars can sometimes pull it off. Of course, the failure rate will always be high, as Hugh Grant (top), Hugh Jackman, and James Gandolfini demonstrate. But there's nothing MB about never risking spectacular failure.

Also, we nearly forgot: Steve McQueen didn't only ride motorcycles (bottom).

Ask the MB: Tiger Woods' Sunglasses at The Masters

Ask the MB: Tiger Woods' Sunglasses at The Masters
Q: No comments about Tiger's Nike sunglasses at the Masters? I hope they enhanced his game, because they did nothing for his already lacking MB-ness.
--Nate


We know Woods spent the last few months in sex rehab, but based on his appearance at the Masters, we're wondering about the cure. To our eye, it looks like his therapists have simply stuck a pair of super-dark blind-guy glasses on him in the hope that they will prevent him from spotting trashy blonde blabbermouths in the gallery. And fed him a lot of donuts. On the bright side, he's wearing a collared shirt. And every day you can stay off the mock turtlenecks is a good day.

Top 5 Ways to Make the Masters Green Jacket Look Even Worse

Top 5 Ways to Make the Masters Green Jacket Look Even Worse
The Masters Green Jacket is without a doubt the most shapeless piece of poly-blend, gold-buttoned hideousness we would happily wear. As ugly as it is, however, if you devote 99.9% of your life trying to keep the putterhead square through impact, there's a good chance you can make it look even worse.

Bernhard Langer 1985 Green Jacket
#5 Bernhard Langer, 1985
First, Berhnard Langer spent 18 holes looking like history's only Aryan Temptation. Then, he donned the green jacket and transformed himself into history's largest elf.


Larry Mize 1987 Green Jacket
#4 Larry Mize, 1987
What's the golf equivalent of showing up to the Oscars without a speech written in case you win? Wearing a striped purple polo that you might have to combine with a green blazer.


Tiger Woods 2005 Green Jacket
#3 Tiger Woods, 2005
The only thing that can make Tiger's text messages to porn star Joslyn James seem relatively tasteful: his toolbag casual mock-n-blazer combo. ("You are my fucking whore. Hold you down while I choke you. And make you stare at my stupid Nike shirt until your eyes puke.")


Ben Crenshaw 1995 Green Jacket
#2 Ben Crenshaw, 1995
Ben Crenshaw does his best impression of a golf nut's bulletin board.


Nick Faldo 1990 Green Jacket
#1 Nick Faldo, 1990
The most convincing case we've ever seen for a five-button Green Jacket? Nick Faldo's argyle fireman sweater.

Ask the MB: Jon Stewart Rocking Suit with Sneakers

Ask the MB: Jon Stewart Rocking Suit with Sneakers
I am a large fan of your well placed words of wisdom, and I'd like to pick your mind momentarily and add to a question that was recently asked of you pertaining to suits with sneakers. On March 18th, John Stewart of The Daily Show was revealed to be wearing white deck shoes with his ensemble. I thought he rocked it, but I decided to seek sounder minds. What do you think?
--Colin


A: Colin, If you're going to wear white sneakers with a suit, don't grab one from Jon Stewart's closet. The suit he's wearing is too dark, too baggy, and too Men's Wearhouse Business Generic to combine with anything but black Florsheims, and white sneakers are a particularly bad choice for it. At first we thought he was wearing socks.

If you want to combine white sneakers with a suit, follow Will Arnett's lead and choose something casual, fitted, and not too dark.

UPDATE: Many readers have written in to inform us that the sneakers Jon Stewart are wearing are essentially part of a Glenn Beck costume and thus worn in the name of comedy. Our knowledge of Beck and his typical shoewear choices is limited, but if he is in the habit of pairing baggy navy suits with sneakers so white it looks like he's been standing in a vat of vanilla ice cream all morning, then our criticisms of Stewart may be applied to Beck instead.


Jesse James Kills Toolbag Formalwear Forever

Jesse James Kills Toolbag Formalwear Forever
Guys, if you want to project that "Yes, I'll cheat on an adorable millionaire who loves my children as if they were her own" vibe, then by all means adopt this look -- which takes the Showbiz Toolbag look that we've previously documented to its natural end-point.

Sandra, we love you, always have, always will, no matter how many awful romantic comedies you make, but frankly, what did you expect from a guy who thinks the Oscars represent a great opportunity to dress like an undertaker at his junior prom? That suit alone should have been enough to initiate divorce proceedings.

Ask the MB: Johnny Depp's Sunglasses in Blow

Ask the MB: Johnny Depp's Sunglasses in <em>Blow</em>
Q: Can you identify these sunglasses worn by Johnny Depp in the movie Blow? I've not been able to find any leads. Thanks.
--Rick


A: There were a handful of companies that marketed this aluminum frame in the '70s. The ones Depp is wearing are called the "Fast Back." They were pre-fabricated sunglasses with not very good lenses. As you can kind-of see (bottom pic), there are no openings in the frames to install a lens (typically metal frames open somewhere and are reattached with a screw). Replacing these lenses require what's called "cold popping," i.e., it's forced in. It may be OK for a sunglass non-corrective lens but may be tricky to "cold pop" certain Rx lenses.

If you'd like to buy a pair, our friends at allyn scura are ready to take your order.

Ask the MB: Suits With Sneakers

Ask the MB: Suits With Sneakers
Q: Sneakers with suit...what's the MB take? I know the Prada sport line is great as are most Sabelt, but what about Adidas Samba or similar?
--Brooke


A: Great question. The closer you get to a footwear brand's "originals" the harder it is to pull off (and risk looking like you're TTH). Lots of guys can wear Puma Sport Fashion with a cool, casual suit. But are you up to combining that suit with Puma Suedes?

In the May 2009 GQ Will Arnett clearly made classic Adidas Rod Lavers work with a $100 cotton H&M suit (left). The comparatively schlubby Jason Segel did the same with Chuck Taylors on the red carpet in 2008's Forgetting Sarah Marshall (right). So what can be learned?

* Only attempt with slimmer, casual suits
* Wear flat front, and preferably un-creased pants
* Pair with a polo or artfully disheveled woven
* Occasionally do a little dancing and hand gesturing

Ask the MB: Mothers Against Wrinkles

Ask the MB: Mothers Against Wrinkles
Q: Being a younger MB in training (think college) whenever I'm around my mom she bitches about how wrinkled my shirts are, no matter how pressed they are. Now, please don't mock me too much for mommy problems, but I want your take. Are wrinkles ever appropriate?
--Tyler


A: Tyler, first tell your mom about the the MB principle of artful dishevelment. Then tell her you're moving out!

Do you think Rose Kennedy got on John's case for wearing this shirt on the beaches of Hyannis Port? Unlikely, probably because a.) she had like 7 or 8 other kids to deal with, and b.) JFK knew to enough to tell his maid to pull that woven out of the dryer right before the timer ended, easily achieving the precise amount and depth of rumple.


Ask the MB: Cuffed Jeans

Ask the MB: Cuffed Jeans
Q: I need your help with the issue of cuffed/rolled up jeans. I see it around a lot and admit to liking the look. Is it MB? If so, what type of jeans are ideal? How wide of a cuff? A single roll or two?
--Jeff


A: Unless you're flying through the air on a motorcycle at at least 70 MPH, cuffing can be extremely dangerous. Thus, we pretty much only do it when it's at least 70 degrees outside and we're within walking distance of a major body of water.

Chuck Taylor All-Stars Losing Battle With Anorexia

Chuck Taylor All-Stars Losing Battle With Anorexia
Like the Snickers bar and the Belstaff jacket, Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars were a near-perfect design right from the start, requiring only minor tweaking to attain icon status. Then, someone at Converse decided Chucks were essentially Etch-a-Sketches with slightly less arch support, and over the past few years, we've seen their timeless simplicity assaulted more brutally than Sylvester Stallone in the last fifteen minutes of a Rocky flick. Freakish mutations, hideous graphics -- there is no end to the indignities this classic, unassuming shoe has been made to suffer in the name of fashion.

Now, Converse has introduced the Chuck Taylor All-Star Slim line, which, like Michael Jackson's seventh nose job, appears to be a nearly invisible twist on an already unnecessary alternative, the Chuck Taylor All-Star Light. We say enough is enough. Like Liv Tyler, Chucks just look right a little chunky, and we wouldn't have them any other way.

Ask the MB: Sunglass Recommendation

Ask the MB: Sunglass Recommendation
Q: Hey guys: I am really liking the Allyn Scura site a lot - thanks for the tip about the Apollos. Could you give a recommondation about a style and color/colors that you like in the sunglass section?

Love the site.
--Tim


A: Tim, without knowing a little more about your style, it's a little like asking us what kind of car to buy. However, one thing even capitalists and communists can agree on: A pair of tortoiseshell sunglasses with a nice, substantial frame never go out of style. And Allyn Scura has a pair that can make you look like a Greek shipping magnate without having to divert too many funds from your socialized healthcare program. They're $40.

(From top: Aristotle Onassis, Fidel Castro, Sant'Angelo II 907.)

Ask the MB: Chest Hair Grooming

Ask the MB: Chest Hair Grooming
Q: What's MB's stance on chest hair grooming? Obviously a shaved chest is unacceptable but chest hair run rampant seems less than magnificent. I tend to trim mine short using a buzzer but this seems like the most favorable alternative to an unbecoming chest. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
--Brandon


A: Not to hedge, but this all depends on the amount and type of chest hair growth. The 40 Year-Old Virgin clearly needed to "wax that Teen Wolf thing right out," as his pal Jay rightly put it. Besides wearing film's best-looking suit, Cary Grant also sports one of film's best-looking, artfully disheveled chests in North by Northwest. (Incidentally, he's 55 years old in this picture.) If you just have a few unsightly stragglers poking out from around your nipples, go for the laser. It hurts like wax but after a few treatments they're gone forever, and you're ready for a Dolce & Gabbana shoot.


Overheard on Twitter: Ashton Kutcher and His Pants

Overheard on Twitter: Ashton Kutcher and His Pants
@ashtonkutcherspantz dood i am totally punking your ankles rite now!

@aplusk wut?

@ashtonkutcherspantz srsly i bet people are wondering if you got me from yao ming's last clothing swap.

@aplusk check it pantz! It's strategic. Im 32 now. But my giant suit makes me look 14 and RELEVANT. Junior high FTW!

@ashtonkutcherpantz maybe if kevin smith went to your tailor they wouldn't have kicked him off that plane. ur 4 sizes too big look = slimming!

@aplusk zackly! that's why j alba's wearing an ll bean gunny sack instead of a dress.

@ashtonkutcherpantz u guys should totally make emma roberts teach you to dress like grownups.

@aplusk haha, so true. thank u for being my pantz, @ashtonkutcherspantz! so cool ur on Twitter


Ask the MB: Tony D'Aunnzio's Sunglasses from Caddyshack

Ask the MB: Tony D'Aunnzio's Sunglasses from <em>Caddyshack</em>
Q: I was looking for a place to buy a pair of sunglasses like the ones that the character Tony D'Annunzio from Caddyshack wears to the pool. I saw you put them as an example in one of your answers but I can't seem to find where I could buy a pair, or something like them and I was wondering if you knew of a place?
--James


A: Was Tony D'Annunzio The Situation before The Situation?

We cannot determine the exact make or model of D'Annunzio's sunglasses. (If you know, let us know.) The closest we think you're going to get -- and it's pretty close -- is vintage I Ski reflectors like the ones 44 is wearing (inset) before he turned into the most powerful toolbag on earth. These always turn up on eBay or vintage eyewear sites.

'The Situation' Shines at Grammys. Literally.

'The Situation' Shines at Grammys. Literally.
Normally, we don't endorse breaking up with your your clothes on the red carpet. But there is one exception: If it looks like you borrowed your fat uncle's shiniest suit, going full McConaughey may be the lesser of two evils. Nice call, Situation!

Ask the MB: Sport Shirt Buttoning

Ask the MB: Sport Shirt Buttoning
Q: Should an aspiring MB apply the polo shirt N-2 buttoning policy to sport shirts? Should one ever wear such a shirt with only the very top button unbuttoned, or would this be an example of toolbaggery?
--Russell


A: Unfortunately that simple formula does not apply to sport shirts because there are other factors at work, like button spacing, collar shape and size, and abundance (or, preferably, absence) of chest hair. In other words, it depends.

But to illustrate where we lean, take a look at a TBT (Typical Bravo Toolbag) at the top with two unbuttoned, and MB icon Paul Newman in a western -- a shirt almost demanding N-2 -- with just the top button unbuttoned.

Ask the MB: Sport Shirts Underneath Sweaters

Ask the MB: Sport Shirts Underneath Sweaters
Q: I'm definitely on board with tucking in your sport shirts (I don't like Bravo, either). But I've been wearing sport shirts under sweaters a lot recently, and was wondering about the protocol on the sport shirt underneath. Tucked or not?
--Christopher


A: First of all, we love Bravo, just not the guys who give the dudes on Jersey Shore a run for their toolbaggery.

Second, the tuck rule still applies for shirts underneath a sweater. I.e., if your shirt is designed to be untucked, go for it; if it's designed to be tucked, tuck it. This way you'll achieve the desired artfully disheveled shirt-barely-peeking-out look as demonstrated here by Joseph Gordon-Levitt in (500) Days of Summer.

Ed. note: (500) Days of Summer is the best romantic comedy we've seen since Annie Hall. OK, maybe it's the only romantic comedy we've seen since Annie Hall. Anyhow, the only thing better than the flick (just by a whisker) is the soundtrack that includes tunes from The Smiths, Hall and Oates, and Spectacular Bitch par excellence Carla Bruni.

Ask the MB: Artfully Disheveled vs. Not Trying

Ask the MB: Artfully Disheveled vs. Not Trying
Q: What's the difference between artful dishevelment and not trying? I can't seem to get the technique down, because I either end up looking like a slob or I'm trying too hard. Please enlighten me, MB.
--Mike


A: Mike, for questions like these, Nick Nolte usually has the answers.

Top: Artful dishevelment.

Bottom: Not trying.


Ask the MB: White Sunglasses

Ask the MB: White Sunglasses
Q: MB Gods, my question is about sunglasses, specifically color. What's your stance on white sunglasses on men? I occasionally see them on pro snowboarders or surfers and they seem to pull it off but the guys I see on the streets in white shades are always toolbag-ish. Partly because they are either Oakleys, really big frames, or both. But mainly because, well...they're white! So white shades: Mag-Bastardly or Toolbaggy?
--Kasper


A: Neither MB or TB, more like TTH. The fictional character Max Headroom was able to pull them off, as did Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, but he also successfully wore girls' cardigans, fingernail polish, and even made suicide seem cool. Similar to our answer to a question about pulling off a white blazer, if you have to ask, don't try.

Ask the MB: Cop Gun Holster

Ask the MB: Cop Gun Holster
Q: As a top-flight plain clothes supervisor in a major southern police department, this question must be asked: Holster on the belt or go with the shoulder holster? I feel pretty good about my overall MB status but this one keeps me awake. I like the convenience of the belt holster but really feel like the shoulder rig is the only real MB choice for those of us in a suit. Your call - just the right call for the classic MB police style or just trying too hard (TTH)?
--Ray


A: Our call is that it's the right call. The MB plain clothes cops we know -- Virgil Tibbs, Harry Callahan, Jack Cates -- all choose the shoulder holster and for good reason: it hides the pistol's bulk beneath your jacket (form), and also allows for a quick draw (function) as demonstrated by Sydney Poitier in 1970's They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!.


Ask the MB: No Facial Hair? Really?

Ask the MB: No Facial Hair? Really?
Q: No facial hair? Ever? So how do explain Brian Austin Green nabbing Megan Fox? George Clooney and Elisabetta? Pitt and Jolie? Surely these guys aren't toolbags. If they are, I have no chance at all.

--TTH in Texas, Cash


A: Just looking over our facial hair channel, and while we've definitely said no to age-inappropriate facial hair, we're not shaving zealots. (However, as beards now hit the peak of the trend curve -- with Brad Pitt now resembling The Dude -- we're heading more vigorously in the opposite direction.)

About the couples you mention: Megan Fox (age 23) probably had a crush on Brian Austin Green (age 36) since she was 10 and he was on 90210. George Clooney is rich, famous, and handsome. Any one of those three is usually enough. Angelina Jolie? Ick!

Ask the MB: Black Jeans

Sid Vicious rocking black jeans
Sid Vicious rocking black jeans
Q: Though there have been many a discussion on jeans, whether white, distressed, old or young, what is the MB's take on black jeans? Not too black, not too gray? What is the best course of action, or stay clear all together?
--Todd C.


A: We're not going to tell you not to wear black jeans. But we stay clear because we only see them fully successful when worn on stage. And none of us can sing a lick.


Ask the MB: Artfully Disheveled While Balding

Ask the MB: Artfully Disheveled While Balding
Q: I shave my head, due to hair loss, and feel that it detracts from your artfully disheveled standards. Are there any general rules for us smooth-domed MB wannabes that I should be following?
--Dan


A: Dan, you said you shave your head, but how often do you shave? We ask because in our opinion, the fully shaved look (aka the Savalas) as a can't-miss cure for baldness is ultimately about as can't-miss as Rogaine or Propecia -- it doesn't always work as advertised. If you're Michael Jordan, go for it. If not, well, just look at Jack (top) -- suddenly one of the world's coolest dudes looks like a bigger toolbag than Joe the Plumber.

Our advice: when you shave, leave enough stubble to make your wife/girlfriend think twice about asking for special favors. Then, don't shave again until you start worrying about the impact wind/hats are having on your hair. The more hair you have left on top, the more frequently you'll have to shave. When you're looking like Jackson Pollock (bottom), you're looking just right. When you're looking like Larry Fine (inset), you've let it go too far.

Swing Like Tiger

Swing Like Tiger
Like Don Draper, Tiger Woods has great taste in wives. Like Bill Clinton, he's got awful taste in mistresses. Seriously, we haven't seen this much toolbag arm candy since we were backstage at a Mötley Crüe reunion show a couple years ago. (Don't ask.)

Check their resumes, and we're betting 85% of them are Girls Gone Wild alumnae, classes of, oh, 1999-2002.

MB's #1 rule for picking mistresses: Do not count on a woman with fake boobs, fake nails, and fake hair color to be discrete.

MB's #2 rule for picking mistresses: If more than 50% of your side dishes have stripper names (Jaimee, Kalika, Cori, etc.), make sure you have a bulletproof pre-nup.

Top: Tiger signals his intent to spawn by taping large salmon to chest. The ladies love it!

1. Rachel Uchitel
2. Jaimee Grubbs
3. Kalika Moquin
4. Mindy Lawton. (We don't get this one. Is it possible she's banging some other guy named Tiger Woods?)
5. Jamie Jungers
6. Cori Rist
7. Holly Sampson
8. Artist depiction of Mistress #8. You know she's coming any minute, along with #9, #10 ... soon he'll have 18 holes.

(Memo to Jon Gosselin: Step up your game, because it looks like Tiger wants your Toolbag of the Millenium crown, and you know there's no one more clutch when a title is on the line.)



Ask the MB: Suit Jacket Buttoning Policy

Ask the MB: Suit Jacket Buttoning Policy
Q: The top or bottom button on a 2 button suit. MB can you settle a debate on button etiquette? We have always been told NOT to use the bottom button on any jackets? Is it ever appropriate to a.) use both buttons on a 2 button jacket? b.) use only the bottom button on a 2 button jacket?
--Dave


A: There are only two occasions when it's OK to button both buttons on a jacket: during your wedding vows or during your oath of office. And never only button the bottom button. Even a total schlub like Nixon, in complete disgrace, in a crappy Windsor knot and flag pin, knew to only button the top one.

Ask the MB: Chick Version?

French first lady Carla Bruni. Spectacular Bitch par excellence.
French first lady Carla Bruni. Spectacular Bitch par excellence.
Q: I was talking to my girlfriend today about MB and she mentioned that she wished there was a version of MB for women. I was curious as to whether you folks had ever thought about finding some fabulous ladies to run a sister site with a similar style?
--Mark


A: Funny you should ask, Mark. We're diligently working on our sister site, spectacularbitch.com. Okay, we're not diligently working on it. But we're working on it. Check back in in early 2010, and we should at least have the website equivalent of Carla Bruni's top. In other words, not a lot of substance, perhaps, but loads and loads of style.

Hot Couture is the New Haute Couture

Hot Couture is the New Haute Couture
Yesterday the New York Times profiled Rent the Runway, dubbed "A Netflix model for haute couture." A couple of thoughts:

1. As if to minimize skepticism about how a frequently mailed dress will hold up over time, co-founder Jennifer Hyman (left) models a dress that has been clearly run over by a FedEx truck and still looks great!

2. Why rent designer dresses when Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have lightly secured houses packed with totally free dresses?


Jon Gosselin: Toolbag of the Millenium

Founding member, Hell's Toolbags
Founding member, Hell's Toolbags
Yes, we know there are 991 years until the year 3000. But does anyone really believe it's too early to declare Jon Gosselin Toolbag of the Millenium?









Death before dishonor. Dishonor before taste.
Totally about to kick the shit out of a car with his awesome business casual fighting skills. Or maybe doing the robot.
Apparently it hurts to wear this shirt almost as much as it hurts to look at it.
Flawless cigarette positioning completely destroyed by the fact that he's riding the world's only Oakley-branded lawnmower.
Toolbag Hold 'Em: I'll see your camo pants, and your beer gut, and your stupid hand gesture, and your lame backward Fred cap, and raise you a completely ridiculous bro-face!
Three-step plan to camouflage your bald spot: 1) Borrow Tommy Lee's belt. 2) Accessorize with Urkel's cell phone holster. 3) Go full frontal muffin top.
Using only the power of his mind, the Toolbag of the Millenium attempts to destroy the timeless style of the plain white tee.

Ask the MB: Einstein

Ask the MB: Einstein
Q: Dear Bastard (in all of your magnificence):

We were looking through images on Google and found the Magnificent Bastard that puts all others to shame. See exhibit A and B. We can't help but notice Albert Einstein's artful dishevelment and dignified countenance. In short: too bastardly for us to compete with. Also, we noticed the tuxedo collar is used with a high sense of class. What is your opinion on this Magnificent Bastard?

With Awe,
Zach and Jon


A: In theory, Einstein should qualify as an MB. But while we don't know much about physics, we do know that artful dishevelment does not mean being so preoccupied with quantized atomic vibrations that you don't realize you've put on your wife's shorts and sandals instead of your own. Sorry, Albert!


Ask the MB: Mad Men Suit

Ask the MB: Mad Men Suit
Q: Two part Q, if that's ok. First - and please excuse the ignorance - I purchased a suit with the hopes of having it tailored to a slim fit (along these lines). Is that possible if the suit is not originally in that mold (it fits more so in this manner)? I have had it taken in a bit in the torso, however, I'd like the sleeves thinned out (narrower) and the shoulders to be less wide, rather more fitted to me. So I wasn't sure if the tailor was limited in ability or correct in saying that was not possible. With that comes the second part. Would MB happen to know who that suit (Roger Sterling plaid suit) is by/what style that would fall under exactly? Thanks a lot. I really appreciate all the help.
--Carlos


A: Carlos: First, your tailor is wrong. Anything can be tailored to your specifications. But stop throwing good money after bad. The suit you bought (upper left) has three buttons and therefore is not what you're going for. Second, the Roger Sterling (played by John Slattery) suit in the photograph (upper right) is by D&G and it retailed for $1,425 in August 2008. Third, Brooks Brothers has a Mad Men Edition suit designed by the show's costume designer, Janie Bryant (bottom). Finally, we have a very strict rule at magnificentbastard.com, and we hope you take it under consideration: once a TV show look is available at Brooks Brothers, it's officially post-peak.

Ask the MB: V-Neck Sweaters

Ask the MB: V-Neck Sweaters
Q: Dear MB: I am writing to get your official position on a matter that arose last night between my girlfriend and I regarding sweaters: V-neck or crewneck? My girl (who claims she knows her stuff with clothing) told me to go with a crewneck and steer clear of v-necks if I am wearing a collared shirt underneath, as the V-neck would not be appropriate. I, on the otherhand, I prefer the v-neck and don't care for the crewneck, as it reminds me too much of those John McCain sport coat-sweater-tie combos that he was running around in last fall (sort of an older man's look to me). Does MB have an official preference for v-neck or crewneck sweaters, or am I just a dumb bastard for not listening to my girl?
--Ryan


A: We agree with you and not your girl. When Paul Newman died last year, we cited his v-neck-woven shirt combination as his life's greatest achievement. And just look at James Dean in a v-neck and woven. This is artful dishevelment defined.

As a side note, John McCain typically did do the coat-sweater-tie combo until, hopelessly behind late in the campaign, tried the v-neck look with disastrous results.

Ask the MB: Canadian Tuxedo

Ask the MB: Canadian Tuxedo
Q: I'm prone to rocking the Canadian tuxedo more than most, but I've always been under the impression that the key was pairing a washed out jacket with new, crisp jeans, or vice versa OR just rocking them with different colors altogether. But lately I've been told that the denim should match as closely as possible. I think this looks like a boiler suit, or maybe a denim onesie. What's your opinion?
--Robert


A: First, we should note that funny questions always move to the front of the line. Second, we're not opposed to you "rocking" the Canadian tuxedo, but know that the degree of difficulty is extremely high. For every Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain there are 100 Neil Diamonds on the album cover for "Hot August Night." (And yes we know we just recommended a gay cowboy over a vintage Jewish mega-stud, but fashion's fashion.)

Ask the MB: Is Roger Federer a Magnificent Bastard?

Juan Martin del Potro (top) and Ralph Macchio
Juan Martin del Potro (top) and Ralph Macchio
Q: Is Roger Federer a Magnificent Bastard?
--Cosgrove


A: In the past there's been a lot to place Federer firmly in MB territory. He doesn't sweat, he doesn't grunt like an animal on every groundstroke, and even when he gets destroyed (see 2008 French vs. Nadal) he's so graceful it looks like he's actually winning.

But the last year has given us pause. He cried like a baby at the Australian, looked like a waiter at Wimbledon, and last night whined about the foolproof electronic line calling system after losing to a Slam finals rookie who dresses like The Karate Kid.

Ask the MB: Boat Shoes

Ask the MB: Boat Shoes
Q: Boat shoes -- yea or nay?
--Charles


A: We think boat shoes are fine, but encourage you to wear them only if you're actually on a boat or headed toward one. As for specifics, we all know the default choice when talk turns to boat shoes. Paul Sperry invented the category in 1935; the Top-Sider is an American classic. But so is Donald Trump and we don't want him anywhere near our feet. We don't feel quite so strongly about Top-Siders ... we've even given them a conditional thumbs-up in the past. But if you're in the market for something whose style is a little more amphibious, check out these Puma Decker slip-ons. We also like the Harrys of London Blake in dark tan, which is to the Top-Sider what ScarJo is to Marilyn Monroe, a more streamlined update to a tried-and-true design.

Ask the MB: Trench Tying Technique

Ask the MB: Trench Tying Technique
Q: How should an MB tie his trench coat belt? I really don't like the way people buckle it at the back. And not having a belt doesn't seem like a good choice either.
--Cole


A: If your trench coat comes with a belt (and that's OK but we prefer beltless) there is only one way to tie it: in an artfully disheveled double knot just like the MB's MB.

Ask the MB: Tucked T-Shirt

Ask the MB: Tucked T-Shirt
Q: I know your policy on tucking in polo shirts, but how about t-shirts? Marlon Brando had them tucked in in A Streetcar Named Desire, but I believe he was wearing undershirts. Is this something that can be pulled off?
--Dave


A: While the current dominant style is untucked, we think you can tuck if you like, and Marlon Brando, James Dean, and Steve McQueen agree with us. A couple of other thoughts on the matter:

* Any t-shirt that makes it into your wardrobe should look good untucked as well as tucked. In other words, if you're tucking because your t-shirt is too long or too wide at the bottom, you should demote that t-shirt to garage rag.

* Take a close look at Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire and you'll see he's actually demonstrating the MB-endorsed artfully disheveled tuck. (Avoid the rip, though -- that's a little too Flashdance.)

Is Brad Pitt Turning Into 'The Dude'?

Is Brad Pitt Turning Into 'The Dude'?
This is Mr. Pitt as seen on the cover of the current People magazine. All he needs is a little longer hair, a white Russian moustache, and a peed-on rug that really tied the room together.

Wolverine Startles the Children at Teen Choice Awards

Wolverine Startles the Children at Teen Choice Awards
Very MB: 40-year-old Hugh Jackman showing up at the Teen Choice Awards with biceps twice the size of Robert Pattinson's legs.

Not so MB: A pit stain the size of Lake Tahoe. This ample lady doesn't seem to mind (too much), but a Disney startlet could drown in that thing. Stay away, Miley!

Taylor Lautner's Dad Shoes

Taylor Lautner's Dad Shoes
We'll cut the kid some slack since he's just 17 years old, but Twilight star Taylor Lautner needs to work on his footwear. Spotted in LAX yesterday on the way to shoot Eclipse, Lautner demonstrates acceptable shirt length and sleeve rolling, but then wrecks the ensemble with a pair of Florsheim-ish dress shoes it looks like he borrowed from his dad's closet.

Ask the MB: Ray-Ban Clubmaster Sunglasses

Ask the MB: Ray-Ban Clubmaster Sunglasses
Q: What do you think of the Ray-Ban Clubmaster sunglasses? (http://www.amazon.com/Ray-Ban-3016-Clubmaster-Sunglasses/dp/B000GWU87M) All the celebrities seem to be wearing them. In or out?
--J


A: If by "all the celebrities" you mean Twilight series star Robert Pattinson, then you're right. He doesn't leave home without them. But just like Pattinson is at peak, so are the Ray-Ban Clubmaster, and you want to stay on the left side of the trend curve.

Ask the MB: Dark Dress Shirts With Suits and Ties

Ask the MB: Dark Dress Shirts With Suits and Ties
Q: Is it MB to wear a dark shirt (think black, navy blue, brown) and a tie with a suit? MB-in-training in crisis as I have a number of nice, dark shirts and don't feel right wearing em with suits and ties.
--Moshe


A: Moshe, your instincts are strong. If you combine dark shirts with suits, the good news is that you are all but guaranteed to become a huge success in the entertainment industry. The bad news is on the left.

Sarah Palin Did Learn After All

Sarah Palin Did Learn After All
Upon returning to Alaska after last November's defeat, Sarah Palin was criticized for not boning up on policy and generally just not bothering to learn stuff, like how many stars are on the American flag. Well those critics are wrong! Case in point: When you have a case of mom-ass (inset) that can't be handled with the right pair of denim, best just cover it up with a jacket, as she demonstrated yesterday at the annual Governor's Picnic in Fairbanks, Alaska.

Ask the MB: Wedding Pocket Square

Ask the MB: Wedding Pocket Square
Q: I'm in an upcoming wedding, and we're wearing pocket squares. Any suggestions on how to fold those suckers like an MB?
--Mike


A: Mike, we've covered this before and stand by the advice given: apply Occam's Razor and keep it simple with either a one-point or flat fold. Even moreso for a wedding because those photographs have a way of lingering on mantles, walls, side tables, and Facebook -- and those two options have best stood the test of time.

Top: Ol' Blue Eyes with some youthful indiscretion.

Bottom: More mature Sinatra goes artfully disheveled, timeless.

Jon Gosselin Palling With and Wearing Christian Audigier

Jon Gosselin Palling With and Wearing Christian Audigier
Jon & Kate Plus 8 reality TV star Jon Gosselin (32) was recently seen in St. Tropez with new squeeze Hailey Glassman (22) and "fashion designer" Christian Audigier. He was appropriately decked out in a signature Audigier shirt (pictured) which is only 2 skulls short of being the ugliest piece of clothing we've ever seen.

The French designer is possibly the greatest single contributor to what we've decided to refer to as neo-toolbagism, designing for or working on brands like Affliction, Von Dutch (remember the Von Dutch hat?), Ed Hardy, and his namesake Christian Audigier.

George Clooney: Crocs' Last Victim?

George Clooney: Crocs' Last Victim?
Crocs isn't dead. Yet. The company/product that created more fashion casualties than Zubaz and parachute pants combined is determined to take at least one more victim with it on the way down. The Washington Post reports that the company, which has been on the verge of bankruptcy for weeks, says it has gotten George Clooney to agree to "work with the company." But asking Clooney to save Crocs is like asking an ant to bang an elephant. It's not the elephant that's going to get crushed when the relationship doesn't work out.


Ask the MB: Col. Kilgore's Sunglasses in Apocalypse Now

'Lance, I bet you can't wait to get out there. See, you can break both ways. One guy can break right, one left simultaneous. What do you think of that?'
'Lance, I bet you can't wait to get out there. See, you can break both ways. One guy can break right, one left simultaneous. What do you think of that?'
Q: What brand and model of sunglasses does Robert Duvall's character, Col. Kilgore, wear in Apocalypse Now? Searching for those for a while and can't figure them out.
--Jason


A: We had a strong hunch they were Randolph Engineering aviators, and after contacting their marketing department yesterday, confirmed it. They're $99 and available here. But fair warning: these really work best for Col. and above.

(See previous post regarding Kilgore's slightly less-successful dogtag and bracelet accessorization.)

Ask the MB: Five O'Clock Shadow

Ask the MB: Five O'Clock Shadow
Q: Really enjoying your site. What's your view on facial hair? Specifically, the perpetual five o'clock shadow? I realize we are well past the days of Miami Vice, but I think you can be MB if you keep it neat (figuratively speaking) and pair it with an appropriate contrast (e.g. with a suit).
--AP


A: AP, we see where you're going with the contrast idea, but consider this: the reason why Don Johnson never quite looked right is that he was otherwise so perfectly styled -- you can practically smell his cologne from this photograph -- that the five o'clock shadow looked affected. Any man who can find time for highlights can certainly find time to shave.

It works for Jason Statham, on the other hand, because it looks like he probably slept in those clothes, and reeks of cigarette smoke, bourbon, and possibly blood. Our recommendation: if you are absolutely nowhere near a razor blade for long enough to acquire stubble, then it's permitted (e.g. hostage situatons, elevator breakdowns, desert island plane wrecks.) Otherwise, shave or carry a big gun wherever you go, so it's clear you're not a gigolo.

Ask the MB: Animal Print Patterns

Ask the MB: Animal Print Patterns
Q: My inner caveman has to ask: is it ever appropriate to wear clothing or accessories with animal-print patterns?
--Pierlo


A: Roy is wearing gallons of hair gel, approximately $30,000 worth of unconvincing plastic surgery, and a couple of blinged-out crosses even MC Hammer would dismiss as tacky, and you know what? His jacket is still the worst thing in this picture. Which is all you need to know about wearing animal-print patterns. We do endorse wearing animals, however -- but not on your face, while they're still alive.

Ask the MB: Brad Pitt Glasses

Ask the MB: Brad Pitt Glasses
Q: I really like the glasses Brad Pitt wears in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and was wondering if you knew where to get a pair of similar looking specs.
--Michael


A: Pitt's character is wearing an old P3 wire frame (a.k.a. Marshwood). It was at peak popularity in the 1930s and 40s. All the big american frame companies had a version during that time (American Optical, Artcraft, Bausch & Lomb, Shuron), so you will easily be able to find them on eBay or your local antique store. Besides Benjamin Button, Lennon and Truman are among past prominent wearers of this style.

Ask the MB: Pre Surf, Surf, Post Surf

Ask the MB: Pre Surf, Surf, Post Surf
Q: Here's the plan: my friends and I have rented out a house in Nosara, Costa Rica for a month. We will all be surfing. What style is appropriate for:
a) Pre surfing?
b) when surfing? (we are beginners)
c) post surfing?

We are all in our early to mid twenties (23-24 years old). Thanks a lot for any suggestions MB!
--Eric


A: Eric, we think you're planning at least one too many costume changes -- you're going surfing, not performing in a Cher concert (she'll be at Ceasars in September). 5-7" inseam boardshorts are what's needed here for all three scenarios (see our swimsuit length graphic). Except for the apres surf we'd recommend pairing with a terrycloth cabana jacket or robe, just like what Paul Newman would do (pictured).

Ask the MB: Wimbledon Toolbaggery

Ask the MB: Wimbledon Toolbaggery
Q: No question, I just want to nominate Janko Tipsarevic for a Toolbag award. How one can manage to pollute tennis whites is beyond me, but this guy figured out how by adding the perfect toolbag sunglasses. I'm guessing they're Oakleys, but if not, they may as well be.
--Jackie Treehorn


A: It is indeed difficult to turn the Wimbledon Whites into toolbag, though Rafa Nadal did it last year in the finals. Even the typically MB Roger Federer raised several of our eyebrows with his warmup vest in this year's first round. In between sets, does he moonlight as a waiter? We'll take a round of gin and tonics. Hendrick's.

Anyhow, like Nadal, Janko just has TB in him. Look at him at the French, with tank top and matching blades (bottom). And that tattoo, which we're pretty sure says "No fat chicks!" in kanji. Wimbledon's rules can only tamp the TB down. The good news: he's out after the 2nd round.

Ask the MB: Phil Mickelson's Golf Shirts

It's John Daly's *pants* that have the drinking problem
It's John Daly's *pants* that have the drinking problem
Q: I recently noticed Phil Mickelson wearing golf shirts with shorter than standard short sleeves. As a guy with short muscular arms I would love to get shirts with these extra short sleeves. Where does he get them or are they made special for him?
--Ron


A: Phil Mickelson has a large endorsement deal with Callaway, so it's a very safe bet they make his shirts. And, being the #2 player in the world, he can get Callaway to make anything he wants. (Though someone at Callaway should have the courage to tell Phil to add a little material around the torso. It's looking increasingly sausage-like, with a side of manboobs.)

Anyhow, we strongly endorse shorter sleeves on polos, especially if you have pipes worthy of display. The sleeve length on many of today's golf shirts, one can't tell if they're short long-sleeves or long short-sleeves (see John Daly at last week's St. Jude Classic). But don't make this a big concern. You can have your golf shirt sleeves shortened to taste by a tailor for $10-$15. And if you're cursed with Mickelson's waistline, try to find a tailor who moonlights as a plastic surgeon.

Ask the MB: Lakers Game Attire

Ask the MB: Lakers Game Attire
Q: As a recent college graduate, and as a Staples Center suite ticket owner, what is appropriate attire for Lakers games? I know a jersey and jeans just wont cut it. Thanks for your help!
--Chris


A: A recent college graduate and Staples Center suite owner? Pace yourself, Chris. You don't want to peak too early.

Anyhow, a jersey and jeans is indeed out. Just have a look at Joel Madden and this other jersey and foam-finger wearing fella (top). Don't be that guy. For the celebrity set there's an ongoing competition to see who can most successfully affect the just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-showed-up-at-Lakers-game look. Jack Black, we declare you the winner. In spite of the unfortunate fact that your team's primary color is purple, we recommend trying to look like a fan without trying too hard, like David Beckham in this barely-purple fine-knit crewneck sweater (-tie).

Game 1 on Thursday, Chris, and we'll be there in spirit. In reality, we'll be in Pulaski, WI.

Magnificent Bastard Axiom: Know Thyself

Magnificent Bastard Axiom: Know Thyself
After Rafael Nadal won Wimbledon last summer, we chastised his sleeveless, collarless look as being "some kind of weird combination of Menudo and Rambo." At the Australian earlier this year he added sleeves (top). At the French he added a collar (bottom) and promptly lost in the 4th round to Robin Soderling, the 25th-ranked player in the world. To thine own toolbag self, be true.



Loudmouth Golf Pants

Loudmouth Golf Pants
We're all in favor of bringing back some '70s style to the course -- the MB in the header photo is wearing vintage flowered Lilly Pulitzer shorts -- but Scott Woodsworth's Loudmouth Golf is an homage gone horribly wrong:

Top: John Daly at the BMW PGA Championship at the Wentworth Club, England, over the weekend in Loudmouth Golf's "Disco Balls" pants. Looks like a clown's pajamas.

Bottom: The "Chicks Dig Loudmouth" photo gallery is a toolbag extravaganza.




The Susan Boyle Makeover

The Susan Boyle Makeover
BEFORE
Hair by: Loneliness, unemployment, hard living
Dress by: Giorgio Frump
Bracelet by: String, Chicklets

AFTER
Hair by: Christophe
Jacket by: Arthur Fonzerelli
Scarf by: Burberry
Pants by: Elegant Lesbian
Glasses by: Uhhh ... hmmmm ... we think we've discovered the reason for this whole makeover idea.


Seth MacFarlane Needs a Different Belt

Seth MacFarlane Needs a Different Belt
We love Seth MacFarlane. A lot. But there are a couple of big problems with his latest Hulu ad, besides a happy alien popping out of his stomach:

1.) A shiny, dress-up belt with jeans. As we've said before, go matte with denim; and

2.) Choose a belt that's a minimum 66.7% the width of the loop.



Ask the MB: Blazer Fit Guide

Ask the MB: Blazer Fit Guide
Q: A question and a comment. What is the MB stance on snugness of a suit jacket? I recently got a steal on an Armani cashmere/silk sport jacket which is too big around the waist for my slim build. I want to get it altered to fit better but don't know how snug it should be. My comment is that I'd love for you to open up your posts to comment! Sure you'll get some rabble but it can add so much to what you're doing here. Which, by the way, I love!
--Seth


A: Seth, head to the tailor. The snugness of the fit should be directly in proportion with one's fit(ness). Slim fellas in more generous cuts can quickly start looking like David Byrne. Bigger guys in snug fits can send crowds scurrying for cover to duck flying buttons. We've provided a handy chart below to demonstrate:





Blazer Fit Guide

Ask the MB: Belstaff

Ask the MB: Belstaff
Q: Real Simple - How do you feel about Belstaff products? Especially the bags and leather jackets.
--Gonzo


A: It's hard to knock Belstaff given their Anglophilic pedigree. Hollywood certainly loves 'em, and has had success in wildly varying degrees:

Clockwise From Top:

* Older Brad Pitt in the "Button" jacket in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

* Will Smith in "Trialmaster" jacket in I Am Legend

* Tim Allen and others in various Belstaff jackets in Wild Hogs

* Shia LaBeouf in "Mutt" jacket in Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

In fact, part of the reason we can't fully endorse them is they're almost a little too Hollywood. At a certain age the women start getting Botox, the men start wearing leather Belstaff jackets.



Ask the MB: Puma High Tops With Black Pants

Ask the MB: Puma High Tops With Black Pants
Q: MB, I am a 20 year old college student and recently was very excited to find a pair of new Puma Contacts at a thrift store and have been wearing them occasionally. I only wear them with plain black skinny jeans, because I don't want to be too elaborate. My girlfriend on the other hand feels that they are too ridiculous and make me stand out in a bad way. Am I wrong?
--Jacob


A: Jacob, your girlfriend would've been more accurate to say you stand out in a too Joey Ramone way. This is fine if you're the 6'6" frontman for an up-and-coming college punk rock cover band. Otherwise save this ironic footwear for the hardcourts.

Ask the MB: Andy Samberg Sunglasses

Ask the MB: Andy Samberg Sunglasses
Q: Can you tell me the kind of sunglasses Andy Samberg is wearing in his video "I'm on a boat"? There is a great picture of them at 2:06 here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU Thanks a lot!
--Grant


A: Sorry, there aren't enough distinguishing characteristics even to make an educated guess. However, if you've got the requisite confidence, we heartily endorse big, chunky, '60s-inspired sunglasses like the ones he's wearing. Also, the video is worth watching:




Fat Windsor: Knot!

Fat Windsor: Knot!
DETAILS' Courtney Colavita says the fat Windsor is "guaranteed to make you look like a dick," and we couldn't agree more. Just have a look at Jeremy Piven (off the set of Entourage): big tie knot, big watch ... he's clearly overcompensating for something that is quite small, other than his 5' 6" stature.

Ask the MB: Sunglasses at Night/Inside

Ask the MB: Sunglasses at Night/Inside
Q: Is it ever appropriate or acceptable to wear sunglasses indoors and/or at night? I'm not talking Oakley Blades with crazy-ass reflective lenses, but vintage Neostyles and Dunhills with soft blue and brown gradients. I know the official MB stance on the practice, but I hope against hope that there are exceptions.
--Michael


A: We stand by the previously stated "blind people and assholes" rule (© Larry David), but with an added corollary: "or a famous musician."


Ben Roethlisberger: Some Things Just Ain't Right

Ben Roethlisberger: Some Things Just Ain't Right
Ben Roethlisberger is just 26, has two Super Bowl rings, and is likely headed to the Hall of Fame. But the poor fella would probably trade it all for even a shred of style.

Well, maybe not. But since "Big Ben" is single, and apparently only dating the struggling Canadian-born actress and Hilary Swank look-a-like contest winner Missy Peregrym, one upside of the Steelers' win is there aren't any pictures of Brenda Warner descending on her husband like a blue, crew-cut alien.

Contact the MB: Vanilla Ice

Contact the MB: Vanilla Ice
I just wanted to point out a video of a recent public appearance of Vanilla Ice at a Denver Nuggets halftime show. Not only is it basketball (see recent post about ball size), Mr. Ice appears to follow every rule for looking (and acting) like a complete toolbag.
--Joshua

A: We are working on a new feature that examines toolbags through the ages, from the cavemen to the guys on Tool Academy, and we've discovered in our research that Vanilla Ice should get special merit for reinventing himself several times, yet having his essential toolbaggery always shine through.









Ask the MB: Is Bush a Magnificent Bastard?

Ask the MB: Is Bush a Magnificent Bastard?
Noted without comment:

Now, while I realize that part of being an MB is a healthy contempt for authority, is it really fair to apply the criteria of Magnificent Bastard-dom to the office of the President? I mean, isn't that something of a double standard?

Consider how a Magnificent Bastard would likely win an election:

1. A Magnificent Bastard certainly would be the underdog, running against an establishment incumbent.
2. A Magnificent Bastard would likely campaign however the hell he wanted, surrounding himself with good people, and he certainly wouldn't "prepare" for debates. (This would be Trying Too Hard).
3. A Magnificent Bastard, faced with inevitable defeat, would likely win the election anyhow, using the system itself to take the reins of power.
4. Having taken the presidency, a Magnificent Bastard wouldn't dare be seen sitting behind a desk. Why not schedule several photo ops doing something outdoors, and manly, with a cowboy hat and boots (appropriate in the state of Texas), denim, and sleeves appropriately rolled past the elbows.

Wait, wait, wait. This all seems very familiar. No wonder there's a picture of Dubya tucked in your current banner image. You sly dogs.
--Felipe

Ask the MB: Lots of Fat MBs

Ask the MB: Lots of Fat MBs
Q: You can't think of any fat guys who are MBs? How about Sydney Greenstreet or Charles Laughton? Auric Goldfinger or the Kingpin? Magnificent Bastards all.
--Marcus


A: Let's just say we have different definitions of Magnificent Bastard-dom. Who's the MB in this picture? (Hint: It's not the guy on the left who cheats at both cards and golf.) Now, if you had said "Fat Elvis" instead of some tubby Brits and a comic book character, you'd have an argument.

UPDATE: Reader Sid chimes in with an MB-endorsed observation:

As to whether or not a fat guy can be an MB, I'm going with "yes, but it's really hard to pull off."

Case in point: Winston Churchill. yeah, he's a Brit, but a certain degree of Anglophilia is well within MB rights (you've said as much yourselves). Snappy dresser, master drinker, always ready with a quip, and pretty much singlehandedly kept Britain's shit together during WW2.

I'll admit, he started off skinny (like Brando) and got increasingly fat and nasty (like Brando) but the height of his MB-dom was obviously during WW2, at which point he was definitely on the tubby side of things.

Corrolary: Orson Welles. Sure, he also got fat and nasty by the endgame, but Welles was an MB's MB.

Ask the MB: Suede Jacket

Ask the MB: Suede Jacket
Q: Howdy: I'm looking at buying a suede jacket. Last night, my wife and I were watching the movie, Music and Lyrics on HBO. Hugh Grant was wearing a really nice brown one. I said I want one similar ... my wife said the collar was too wide. We agreed to let you decide. What say you?
--John


A: We're not sure about the age-inappropriate necklace or the quarter-zip mock neck sweater, but the collar on that jacket, while bold, is just fine by us. The only problem: good luck finding it. Since she lost the argument, put your wife on the search.

Ask the MB: Fat Bastards?

Ask the MB: Fat Bastards?
Q: Can fat guys be MBs? They can't pull off the perfect suit, or show off a sweet non-pleated pant, but I'm sure there have been some badass big MB guys in the past. I'm not talking Michael Moore fat (and unkempt), but maybe a guy that goes to the Big and Tall store a touch more for the "Big" than the "Tall."
--Fat Bastard


A: We're pretty sure there exists a fat MB, it's just that we can't really think of one outside of perhaps Santa Claus ... and he still has to put on polyester once a year.

A little additional chub can still work, but not too much. Just look to Marlon Brando for guidance:

Top: Fit Brando the iconic image of cool American masculinity.

Bottom: Fat Brando the iconic image of diabetes, waddling, hanging out at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.

Barack Obama: Camelnot

Barack Obama: Camelnot
On our extended break -- incidentally, we consumed enough Dewar's Rob Roys to kill the average bloke -- there were some very disturbing photos taken of the President-elect. (We had our suspicions back in July when he met the troops.) Sure, Barack Obama might soon be the 44th President of the United States, but the poor fella is a raging toolbag.

Ask the MB: Suit Buttons and Vents

Ask the MB: Suit Buttons and Vents
Q: Suits: are we still in 2-button, double-vent mode, or is there something new on the horizon? It is time to update the old wardrobe? Can I still wear my old 4 button models or are those too far gone?
--Allen


A: The 2-button, double-vent mode is still a great choice. Heck, even an alien like Klaatu (Keanu Reeves) from The Day the Earth Stood Still knows it. (If you look closely you can pick out the double vents.)

Regarding the 4-button versions in your possession, we're going to invoke the well-known Charles Barkley rule and request that they remain in your closet.


Ask the MB: Will Smith Hoodie

Ask the MB: Will Smith Hoodie
Q: What kind of hoodie is Will Smith wearing in Hancock and where do you get one?
--Ric


A: The actual hoodie worn by Smith in the scene pictured is now for sale on eBay (auction ends Wednesday). It's a grey Russell Athletic you can get just about anywhere. As for the two-tone version he's wearing on the beach (inset), we're doing some digging.

Photoshop Can't Fix Everything

Photoshop Can't Fix Everything
Neither Jesus-like outer glow feature, nor intently staring off into the distance can save David Beckham from looking like a toolbag with Motorola's Motopure Bluetooth headset.

Contact the MB: Kevin Jonas

Contact the MB: Kevin Jonas
Please accept my nomination for TOW (Toolbag of the Week). Kevin Jonas, of the Jonas Brothers tucked his jeans into his rather feminine looking boots AND is wearing a shawl collared sweater with ghastly patches, stripes and a soccer player design on the breast.
--Matt

A: Matt, this may qualify as TOY (Toolbag of the Year). The worst part of this ensemble is the Lamborghini. It screams TTH. The principle of artful dishevelment extents to an MB's automobile. Kevin Jonas might've even made those boots work had he arrived in a rusty '81 Chevy Caprice.

(Again, someone please explain why we're wrong about pant tucking.)

Ask the MB: More Turtleneck Clarification

Ask the MB: More Turtleneck Clarification
Q: Clarification on the turtleneck. Surely you refer to the ribbed/knit examples you show and NOT the cotton tight-necked number we all remember from childhood winters.
--Palmy


A: Paul Newman made a fairly tight-necked turtleneck work pretty well in perhaps the most famous turtleneck photo of all time. Palmy, maybe your 2nd-grade sartorial memories aren't as bad as you think.



Ask the MB: Turtleneck Clarification

Ask the MB: Turtleneck Clarification
Q: I'm unclear on your turtleneck position. Are saying it was only ok in 1968 and for chaps much more MB than I'll ever be? I have a navy tall mock turtleneck (taller than a mock but not enough to fold over) that I love. Not MB?
--Scott


A: We're saying McQueen, Player, and Newkirk helped make the turtleneck forever cool. If you don't have enough material to fold over, or let flop down in an artfully disheveled way, then you ought to keep it in your closet. Or perhaps burn it. Anything even veering towards mock should be avoided or you might start looking like Tiger Woods. And that ain't good.


Vince Vaughn: An MB in Crisis

Vince Vaughn: An MB in Crisis
Wow, what a difference 12 years make. In 1996 Vince Vaughn practically defined Magnificent Bastard-dom as Trent Walker in Swingers. In 2008 he's playing opposite Reese Witherspoon as a bloated married man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and straw hat in Four Christmases. About the only thing recognizable are the sideburns.

Ask the MB: Shawl Collar Sweaters

Ask the MB: Shawl Collar Sweaters
Q: A sweater with a shawl collar: a fleeting trend or an MB wardrobe staple?
--Wadie


A: The shawl-collar sweater doesn't quite reach the high "wardrobe staple" bar, but in 1968's Bullitt Steve McQueen definitively made it more than a "fleeting trend." Wear with confidence this year, and next.


Sarah Palin Rallies Draw Toolbags

Sarah Palin Rallies Draw Toolbags
Really no shock here:
Her recent events drew scruffy high-schoolers in backward baseball caps, tank-topped bikers in bandanas and long-bearded veterans in berets. They crashed the rope line for photos and autographs. "Marry me, Sarah," a man implored in Weirs Beach, N.H., while Ms. Palin held up a tow-headed toddler and patted his little chest. She ignored, or didn't hear, the proposal, but signed the dude's ratty baseball cap.
Shouldn't Tony Romo be studying game film?

Ask the MB: Jeans and T-Shirt Looking Plain

Ask the MB: Jeans and T-Shirt Looking Plain
Q: Whenever I dress in a t-shirt and jeans I always look so plain. What are some ways I can look more magnificent, other than things like sunglasses and v-necks?
--John


A: Well, you can call it plain. With the just the right denim and just the right t-shirt, combined with thoughtful accessorization (yes, beyond sunglasses) or footwear, we call this The Uniform.

But don't just take our word for it. Victoria Beckham, up-and-coming designer and former Posh Spice, in the October issue of Details magazine, documents her 10 Rules of Style. Her #1 rule is something we heartily endorse:

Style isn't about money. One of the nicest outfits on a man is pair of jeans, some old, messed-up boots, a simple white tee, and a vintage leather belt. You don't have to spend a lot. It's about mixing and matching and getting things that fit properly.
We'll try to demonstrate this visually in future editions.


RIP to an Original MB -- Paul Newman

RIP to an Original MB -- Paul Newman
Longtime readers know how much we dug Paul Newman. In an interview earlier this year we cited Newman as one of the four most stylish people who've influenced us, along with Oscar Wilde, Yves Saint Laurent, and Chi-Chi Rodriguez. With two of the four dying this year, 2008 has really sucked. Hang in there Chi-Chi!

Anyhow, beyond the movies, the blue eyes, the philanthropy, and the tasty salsa and salad dressing, Paul Newman's greatest achievement -- even better than being on Nixon's enemies list -- was demonstrating the coolness of a v-neck sweater with woven white shirt.

Ask the MB -- Principle of Organic Materials

Ask the MB -- Principle of Organic Materials
Q: Regarding North Face fleece, just what exactly is the principle of organic materials?
--Lee


A: The principle of organic materials is simple: It's that organic materials are inherently superior to anything made by man, even if they are less practical. So when given a choice, always choose organic materials.

Try this thought experiment to illustrate the point: Imagine the ultimate MB -- JFK -- sailing a boat made out of fiberglass. Your head just exploded. See what we mean? Plus, given that organics are the result of Mother Nature, there are always slight imperfections that enhance another core MB attribute: artful dishevelment. (Note JFK's look.)

Use the following table to help guide your decision-making.

If you are about to:

Activity Choose Instead Of
Buy a dress shirt 100% cotton 50-50 cotton-poly blend
Side your house cedar vinyl
Write something down #2 pencil pen
Decide on a date The one with real breasts The one with fake breasts
Tee it up Featherie Titleist Pro V1
Climb Mt. Everest To wear pelts from Nepalese fauna North Face fleece

What's Wrong With This Picture?

What's Wrong With This Picture?
The winner -- total toolbag Paul Azinger -- is wearing a mock turtleneck. The loser -- MB-ish Nick Faldo -- in an artfully disheveled collared shirt.

It's one thing for Mr. Azinger to be unstylish -- that's par for the course with him -- but does he need to dress up the entire team in that awful outfit?

In spite of the lopsided victory, that photo will not stand the test of time. In 20 years people won't be looking at the winning 2008 Ryder Cup team and say, "Geez, those guys really had style back then." Exactly the opposite.


Cindy McCain Says, 'Fuck This. I'm Going Farah.'

Cindy McCain Says, 'Fuck This. I'm Going Farah.'
Cindy McCain is an heiress to a large beer distributorship, and she'll be goddammed to let some WT chick from Alaska with bangs upstage her. So last night she pulled the pin, let it down, curled it, and went Farah.

Top: Cindy McCain, pre Sarah Palin
Lower Left: Cindy McCain, post Sarah Palin
Lower Right: Farah Fawcett


Ask the MB -- Hairstyles and Sport Clips

Ask the MB -- Hairstyles and Sport Clips
Q: The last time I got my hair cut, the stylist (at Sport Clips) suggested that I start wearing it in a faux hawk. Even though I'm still an MB in training, I'm doubtful. So, what is your opinion on hairstyles (and going to Sport Clips)?
--Byron


A: The faux hawk is the urban mullet. Yes, David Beckham can pull it off adequately, but he is David Beckham. Everyone else is simply a sad variation of Martin Short's SNL character, Ed Grimley (inset).

Regarding Sport Clips, all you need to do is look at the picture they use on the "About Sport Clips" page: the man most in need of an MB makeover on the planet. Byron, find yourself a hot young stylist who will shampoo your hair, give you a scalp massage, and not suggest bad hairstyle ideas.


Ask the MB -- Steve Jobs

Ask the MB -- Steve Jobs
So what do you think of Apple founder Steve Jobs' sense of style? These days, he almost always wears the same outfit in public, consisting of: 1) black mock turtleneck; 2) jeans; 3) white or grey New Balance sneakers; and 4) iPhone. Is it just me, or does this technological visionary dress like a toolbag?
--Evan


A: We haven't specifically addressed Jobs' particular sense of "style," but your sense of the MB ethos is strong, Evan.

- mock turtleneck
- jeans. Poor Steve could learn about AG. That high-rise, tapered Levi's soccer-dad cut just isn't appropriate for a technological visionary. Or really anyone.
- white New Balance sneakers
- iPhone

Verdict: total toolbag.

Contact the MB -- Scooters

Contact the MB -- Scooters
Regarding scooters, I can't believe you missed this fine example of how to pull off the MB scooter look: riding double with Audrey Hepburn on the the back, Roman Holiday style.
--Ray

A: Our oversight. Anytime Audrey Hepburn is riding with you on a scooter, you are automatically pulling off the scooter look.

Side note: If you can distract yourself from Gregory Peck's tie knot, check out Ms. Hepburn in an early version of gladiator sandals.

Ask the MB -- Scooters

Ask the MB -- Scooters
Q: With gas prices where they are the idea of commuting on a scooter is looking more attractive. The problem is I don't want to look like a toolbag. Is there anyway to avoid this? By the way I am not a 20 year-old, 100 pound, Starbucks barista.
--Ben


A: Making a scooter work definitely has a high DD (Degree of Difficulty) but can be very MB (Magnificent Bastardly), primarily due to scootering's importance in the British "mod" scene of the '60s and '70s. Sting is riding one with aplomb in the poster for the 1979 film Quadrophenia (top). So they meet the MB principle of Anglophilia straight away.

Also, Certified Magnificent Bastard William F. Buckley is riding one on the cover of his 1968 book "The Jeweler's Eye" (bottom). Take note of these examples -- check out Buckley's dress, hair, and facial expression -- and ride with confidence.


Greg Norman Loses in Style

Greg Norman Loses in Style
The Shark's signature final-round folds remain the same, but thankfully his wardrobe has changed. Eschewing bright colors and patterns in favor of neutrals, now he chokes in style. Might this style evolution be the influence of new bride Chris Evert?

Top: Norman at his last triumph in 1993 at Royal St. George's, looking quite peculiar

Bottom Left: Norman on Saturday in white polo with ivory cashmere v-neck

Bottom Right: Norman on Sunday in black-on-black


Twins Turning Brad Pitt Into Toolbag?

Twins Turning Brad Pitt Into Toolbag?
Besides sleepless nights and double diaper duty, twins can apparently initiate toolbag-dom on even Hollywood elite:

1. Grecian Formula not supposed to remove all the gray.
2. Un-ironic goatee strikingly similar to Toolbag Extraordinaire Ben Affleck (inset).
3. Gold necklace.

Ask the MB -- Hillary Makeover

Ask the MB -- Hillary Makeover
Q: Even the minions of the MB can see that Hillary Clinton is in need of some fashion assistance. If the MB were to provide her with some advice and consent what would you suggest that she do to amend her fashion mistakes?
--Chris


A: 15 years ago SPY magazine offered a good suggestion for Hillary's wardrobe: dominatrix. Unfortunately the United States Senate has clear rules against leather, whips, and chokers. So, here is our 3-point plan that might still get Hillary in the White House:

1. Ditch the Crazy-Ass Color Palette
Nobody looks good in head-to-toe royal blue. Or turquoise. Or especially the bumblebee yellow-and-black. Heck, that color combination even makes Bumblebee Man look sad. Go with neutrals. Try just black for once.

2. Implement Disproportionately-Wide Hip Mitigation Plan
For whatever reason, Hillary chooses to feature her worst feature -- those hips -- by repeatedly wearing pantsuits. Try a tie shirt-dress or, and this is really radical, a skirt. Yes, they expose the cankles but still preferable.

3. Abandon Dress Barn as Wardrobe Source
Or wherever she gets her current outfits. It's true: Prada does not make a size 18, but try Neiman Marcus or Saks and get into brands like Eileen Fisher, TSE, Gayla Bentley, or Shirin Guild.

From top:
* February 1993 SPY magazine cover
* Hillary at January 2008 campaign stop
* Bumblebee Man
* Gayla Bentley tie shirt-dress

An Overhead Smash to Magnificent Bastard-dom

An Overhead Smash to Magnificent Bastard-dom
Something just ain't right about seeing the completely unstylish Rafael Nadal triumph on the completely stylish lawns of Wimbledon. Nadal's match with Roger Federer may be an instant classic, but neither that dreadful sleeveless top nor those long shorts will stand the test of time. Poor fella looks like some weird combination of Menudo and Rambo.



Ask the MB -- Penguin Clothing

Ask the MB -- Penguin Clothing
Q: I am happy to see that Penguin is at least somewhat MB endorsed. However, much of their offering breaks the rule of logoed clothing -- is there a time and a place for the Penguin logo, or should I stick with their non-branded items?
--Mark


A: Toughest question we've received so far. Logoed Penguin duds were especially cool pre-2003, when you could only find them on ebay or at vintage clothing shops. Now that their rebirth is in its 6th year these items are much more common. Yet it's such an iconic brand, and they still make very good-looking (logoed) clothing it's a real MB dilemma.

Let's look to orignalpenguin.com for guidance:

ORIGINAL PENGUIN by Munsingwear became a staple among the masters of suburban leisure well into the 1980s –- worn by the likes of Arnold Palmer, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Richard Nixon.
Problem solved. Thanks originalpenguin.com!

Simply print out and then cut out the Magnificent Bastard Spinner below. Attach arrow to board with pin. Before you decide to wear your obviously logoed Penguin clothing, spin the arrow. If it lands on the hack comedian or Dick, wear something else. If it lands on the legendary golfer or legendary entertainer, wear the Penguin with confidence.

mb spinner

Ask the MB -- Cowgirls

Ask the MB -- Cowgirls
Note: magnificentbastard.com was asked to guest-answer a question at trustyourstyle.com, a lifestyle blog run by the extremely angular designer Mary Jo Matsumoto. And here's what happened:

Q: While shopping this weekend I noticed a lot of tacky women's cowboy hats with crunched up brims in hideous colors. I would never judge a person for their personal style but hasn't this gone on long enough? Madonna wore one in a video 15 years ago and even back then it looked awful. Aren't two season of Rock of Love enough to finally end this travesty?
--Rita


A: What's wrong with judging a person for their personal style? It's a really great timesaver.

While we can't endorse tacky cowboy hats in hideous colors (or two seasons of Rock of Love for that matter), the "cowgirl" look is as American as apple pie and obesity. Love it or leave it, Rita!

Though it doesn't sound like you'll be attempting this look, the trick to making it work is to be sparing with the cowgirl elements, or it'll look like you're late for a date at either the County Fair or the O.K. Corral.

For instance: a cowboy hat with denim and boots = about right. Cowboy hat with denim, boots, and 6-shooter (like Jane Russell) = too much.

Clockwise from upper left: Betty Boop, Lynda Carter, Cher, Veronica Lake, Jane Russell, Jane Fonda.


Ask the MB -- Tall Drink of Waiter

Ask the MB -- Tall Drink of Waiter
Q: I know that you have long heralded the death of skinny ties, and I mostly agree. However, a skinny (not too skinny, though) tie can be worn well in some situations. I am very young (18), very tall (6'4") and thin. Sometimes I like to wear a black suit with slim lapels and a white shirt and top it off with a slim black tie. Given my circumstances, is this really that bad? Can one not pull off the skinny tie with the right body and suit? Thanks.
--Bo


A: Waiter! Another round of Dewar's. Rocks.

Bo, leave the skinny (even not too skinny) ties to guys like Zac Efron, who use them to appear 5'3" instead of 5'1". Use your God-given stature to your advantage, and try a play on scale, with a short, wide tie ... and a different colored suit.

Ask the MB -- Senior Moment

Ask the MB -- Senior Moment
Q: I know you guys love the Style Guy but he just made a huge error in the June edition of GQ. He said that you cannot take out the pleats in pleated trousers. They should buy their suits at MARK SHALE. They do it all the time for no charge and they turn out beautifully.
--Larry


A: We do like Glenn O'Brien (the Style Guy), though as you point out he is dead wrong about about removing pleats. Not just Mark Shale can do it; so can any competent tailor. Maybe he was having a senior moment like his contemporary, John McCain.


Trying Too Hard: Richard Roeper

Trying Too Hard: Richard Roeper
Poor guy is nearly 50 and looking increasingly weird and bewildered with spiked hair and the occasional t-shirt under blazer look. On this week's Ebert and Roeper he demonstrates a couple of don'ts:

Don't #1: 3-button blazer; buttoned while seated.
Don't #2: Pants hemmed looking like he's expecting Category 5 hurricane.

Another knock: poor guy recommended Speed Racer, the worst movie of the year by miles.

Yves Saint Laurent -- 1936-2008

Yves Saint Laurent -- 1936-2008
We're pouring some forties for YSL, who was recently cited in an MB post about pocket squares. Not only was Yves Saint Laurent a fashion icon, he was one of those rare individuals who aspiring MBs could learn from just about every time he was photographed. Take, for instance, this July 1968 picture with Lauren Bacall and daughter Leslie. Velvet suit (in July) with dramatically wide (and short) tie, dressed-down with button-down shirt matched with uber-casual grommet belt. And of course the trademark frames and flowing locks. Brilliant.

Ask the MB -- Ballet Flats vs. Heels

Ask the MB -- Ballet Flats vs. Heels
Q: What's up with the new "ballet flats" that I've seen women wearing lately? I've watched them in disgust from afar as springtime rolled in and now the inevitable has happened. My wife bought a pair. What do I do? I've conveyed to her in no uncertain terms that women should always be in heels -- out on the town, in the kitchen, in the bedroom, etc. -- but she just does not get it. I'm going to have to steal her flats and hide them. Can you provide backup for me on this?
--Jaison


A: Jaison, we understand your question is mainly for comedic effect, but you know what you really ought to do? Give your wife a hug and a kiss because ballet flats are an all-time classic. Think Audrey Hepburn, regular ballet flat wearer, also an all-time classic, and near the top of the Magnificent Bastard Favorite Babes list.

Though your wife may not wear heels in the bedroom, you done good, son.

Attack of the Twerps

Attack of the Twerps
The June issue of GQ is literally the straw that broke the camel's back. It's got Shia LeBeouf (5'2" 113 lbs.) on the cover. This on the heels of Zac Efron (5'3" 115 lbs.) on the front of the Jan/Feb issue of Details and Hayden Christensen (5'5" 133 lbs.) on the cover of the March Details.

These are men's magazines, not Boys' Life. It's probably too much to ask for this generation to find equivalents to Paul Newman, Marlon Brando, and Burt Lancaster, but Shia Freaking LeBeouf?! His latest role is Indiana Jones's sidekick; or, a slightly taller Short Round. Who's set for the July issue? That 17 year-old guy who was a runner-up on American Idol?

Ask the MB -- Steve McQueen in Bullitt

Ask the MB -- Steve McQueen in <em>Bullitt</em>
Q: Steve McQueen, Magnificent Bastard. Mock turtleneck. Bullitt. MB pronouncement, repealed?
--Marcus


A: Yes, Steve McQueen certainly was a Magnificent Bastard, but we can assure you that at no time in Bullitt did he wear a mock turtleneck. Open your fucking eyes and you'll see it's perhaps Film's Most Famous Real Turtleneck; a blue ribbed turtleneck sweater, shown underneath a tweed blazer (top).

Overshadowed by the famous turtleneck was McQueen's demonstration of how to nail a chunky shawl collar cardigan with woven shirt (bottom).

Ask the MB -- Number of Suit Jacket Buttons

Charles Barkley: The Round Mound of Ill-Conceived Outfits
Charles Barkley: The Round Mound of Ill-Conceived Outfits
Q: Simple question: how many buttons should their be on the front of your suit?
--Ray


A: We've weighed in on this before when analyzing Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's three-button David Byrne look-alike "Psycho Killer" suit.

We officially endorse two buttons. We're not adamantly against the three-button, like we are against skulls or tapered soccer-dad jeans or wearing an electronic device on your belt like some cable-access version of Batman. It's just that we know for certain that four-buttons are out because Charles Barkley wears them. And 3 is closer to 4 than 2, so that's bad.

Sarah Jessica Parker! Help Your Husband Out!

Sarah Jessica Parker! Help Your Husband Out!
Matthew Broderick has been spending an inordinate amount of time on the red carpet these days, which is a good thing because he regularly demonstrates what not to do. Though this is an upgrade over his latest appearance, the former Ferris Bueller is still a mistake. At a mere 5' 6", 5' 7" tops, the man should not be in a pair of slim-cut trousers; they merely highlight his much wider ass and belly, which he is apparently trying to disguise with a coat that's two sizes too big.

Carrie Bradshaw please help this poor guy!

Ask the MB -- Facial Hair

Ask the MB -- Facial Hair
Q: Where does the MB stand on (male) facial hair? I see your page is now adorned with a fella gettin' a shave so I guess I already know the answer. This wanna-be MB has had a goatee for a long time but has been recently thinking about finding a razor. Thoughts?
--Dan


A: Listen, partner. You reckon you ever seen a fella who's an MB with a goatee? Thought so. Yeeehaw!

Either be fixin' to find a razor or grow it out, like Iron Man Robert Downey Jr., on the cover of this month's GQ, who's also the winner of the George Clooney look-alike contest.

Top Toolbag's Table Manners

Top Toolbag's Table Manners
While we all anxiously await the forthcoming Magnificent Bastard Dining Guide, Top Chef host Tom Colicchio demonstrates some really bad table manners.

Top: Lift your goddamn arm off the table.

Bottom: Don't lick your goddamn fingers.

And this guy is the host of Top Chef...


Something is Rotten in North Carolina

Something is Rotten in North Carolina
During last night's broadcast of the championship game:

Top: North Carolina player Tyler Hansbrough, receiving Naismith player-of-the-year trophy, wearing black mock turtleneck (with $199, 4-button pinstripe suit).

Bottom: North Carolina coach Roy Williams, during halftime break, wearing black mock turtleneck (with $99 flecked wool blazer).

Ask the MB -- Visors

Ask the MB -- Visors
Q: MB: Ball caps? Nope, never worn them. Flip it backwards? Are you kidding me? Visors? Yup. Wear 'em. Even feel like a bastard at times. How 'bout you? Visors? I'm talking on the golf course, and off.
--C.D.


A: The highly-destructive Tiger Woods Apparel Effect has contributed to making visors quite rare these days. MB strongly endorses them, but only when both of these rules are met:

1. You're on a golf course, and
2. You've got the locks to show off.

(Clockwise from upper left: Fred Couples, Trevor Immelman, Phil Mickelson, Tommy Armour III.)


Matthew Broderick: A Cautionary Tale

Matthew Broderick: A Cautionary Tale
Age-appropriate dress is a tenet of lifelong Magnificent Bastard-dom, and it can be a tricky thing to get right. Most men thankfully don't wear thumb rings at age 51 like Anthony Bourdain -- or thumb rings at all -- but we sometimes wear jeans with too much shit on the back pocket, and it looks wrong.

At the other end of the spectrum is dressing prematurely old man. Witness Matthew Broderick at the premiere of Smart People (starring wife Sarah Jessica Parker). He's just 46 and he looks like a U.S. Senator or a banker nearing retirement on "crazy tie" day.

Jamie Lee Curtis Still Has 'Em

A Sad Fall, Except for Two Things
A Sad Fall, Except for Two Things
Jamie Lee Curtis has gone from hot, naked Hollywood star (Trading Places) to granny-looking shill for Activia yogurt -- the one that "helps to naturally regulate your slow intestinal transit" -- but she still sure has a nice set of cans.


Guido the Killer Pimp a Style Trainwreck

Guido the Killer Pimp a Style Trainwreck
Where else on the World Wide Web are you going to get two posts about Guido the Killer Pimp in a 2-week span? Only at magnificentbastard.com. (See earlier one.)

Let's have a look at what's wrong with GtKP (Joe Pantoliano) at the red carpet premiere of Flawless starring Demi Moore and Michael Caine:

1. Beret. Violation of the principle of Anglophilia. Francophilia way less cool.
2. Multiple necklaces. Violation of principle of minimal accessorization.
3. Tucked-in sweater. Never do this.
4. Skull belt buckle. Skulls beyond outgoing.
5. Cane. OK if used for actual physical ailment; never OK for affect. Doesn't really work with skull belt buckle.
6. Multiple rings. (See multiple necklaces.)

Ask the MB -- Undershirts and Dress Shirts

Ask the MB -- Undershirts and Dress Shirts
Q: What are your feelings on undershirts when your shirt is not all the way buttoned up? Crew neck, v-neck, or none at all....My father who always dresses well tells me if it is going to be any at all it should be a v-neck, but if at all possible none at all... What do you think?
—Brandon


A: Your papa taught you how to wipe your ass, shave your face, and tie your tie. Let's not start doubting him now.

Few things are more vulgar than a white crew neck tee under an unbuttoned woven shirt; you'll look fully unstylish and clueless. A v-neck isn't much better -- the lines look like ass and are the men's equivalent of panty lines -- but may be permissible in extremely cold conditions, either outside or in the office.

In conclusion, do what your dad says and leave the undershirt for the weekend.

(Note: Nothing we just said applies if you are Carson Kressley.)

Biggest Upset of the Weekend

Biggest Upset of the Weekend
West Virginia beating Duke. Coached by gold watch, mini-mock turtleneck, black blazer, used car salesman haircut-wearing Bob Huggins, the Moutaineers defeated a team coached by the at least somewhat well-dressed (though over-accessorized) Mike Krzyzewski. One can only imagine the smell of Mr. Huggins' cologne.

Please Pack Your Long Sleeves, and Then Wear Them

Please Pack Your Long Sleeves, and Then Wear Them
Last night's episode of Top Chef clearly illustrated the principle of playing to your strengths, and minimizing (or completely covering) your weaknesses. In this case, going sleeveless.

Top: Host/judge Padma Lakshmi can rock sleeveless (and a lot of other things) six ways 'til Sunday so that look works beautifully. On the other hand...

Bottom: Judge Gail Simmons from Food & Wine -- with a fairly cute face and above-average cleavage -- should call attention to those features, and not her arms, which look like they're both victims of one too many food judging competitions.

Ask the MB -- Watch Bands

Ask the MB -- Watch Bands
Q: I'm looking for a new watch, and I thought I'd get the official MB opinion on leather vs. metal bands since I do respect your opinion here. Personally, I feel like the leather band is a nice throwback to the classics. Am I alone on this one?
—Joe


Don't worry Joe, you're not alone. Leather is a nice throwback to the classics and we won't fault you for choosing it. However, may we recommend you consider eschewing both leather and metal in favor of nylon grosgrain? It satisfies the MB principle of understatement, and has greater versatility than either leather or metal. Grosgrain's naturally casual so it's easy to dress it down, but you can also dress it up -- way up -- as demonstrated by James Bond in Goldfinger.



MB Tribute -- William F. Buckley

MB Tribute -- William F. Buckley
Pop quiz: William F. Buckley's greatest cultural contribution was:

A. Founding the modern conservative movement
B. Founding National Review magazine
C. Hosting Firing Line for 33 years
D. MB icon and poster boy for the principle of artful dishevelment

Correct Answer: D.

From the top: Buckley demonstrating the proper black tie alignment; Buckley on the set of Firing Line hitting the trifecta of hair, jacket, tie dishevelment; casual Buckley demonstrating casual rumpledness (portrait).

R.I.P.



Ask the MB

Ask the MB
Q: It's time for me to look into a new hairstyle, and recently a flat top was suggested. Just wondering what the overall opinion of a flat top is. Is it too meat-head-ish? I'm wondering if the pros think it clashes with good clothes. I tend to pull off short hair very well, so I was seriously considering trying it out. However, I figured I needed to ask the experts before assuming anything.
—Mike


A: Let us state this in the most unequivocal way possible: this is a really, really fucking bad idea. When Hall of Fame defensive lineman and TV star Howie Long can't pull it off, it's likely a sign no one can. Getting this haircut actually lowers your IQ, hence damaging your social standing, your career standing, and any standing with chicks (or at least any chicks of interest). Avoid at all costs, unless you've been drafted, and we ain't talkin' 'bout the NFL.


Heidi Klum's Curve-Reduction Photoshop Surgery

Heidi Klum's Curve-Reduction Photoshop Surgery
Nobody is happier about the return of Jordache than we are. But is it really necessary for them to apply Photoshop's liposuction filter to world-class MILF Heidi Klum?

Top/Middle: Super-skinny Heidi Klum as seen in current Jordache print ad.

Bottom: Slightly flabbier/curvier Heidi Klum as seen in campaign photo shoot video on jordache.com (click on "Penthouse" and then on "Heidi Klum Penthouse").





Ask the MB

Ask the MB
Q: MB: Silver or gold?
—Andy


A: A short question deserves an equally succinct answer. Two words: Rush Limbaugh.


Ask the MB

Ask the MB
Q: I just got invited to The People's Choice Awards by my sister. This was unexpected but she already bought my ticket out there (i'm from Chicago) and have me set up in a hotel - not bad. So my question to you is what do I wear to a function like this? I am hoping it is not a tux. I would just love to rock out a pair of nice jeans, a shirt, and a sport coat but I am sure that is not accepted.
—Adam


A: Katherine Heigl is going to be there, right? So may we suggest a blue-grey suit along with a traditional Kazakh wedding bag to be placed over her head (who cares if she was recently married)? But seriously, jeans + shirt + blazer is a tad overdone and common. Instead, try rocking out in Varvatos that's currently on sale, like this.

Tony the Toolbag

Being from Wisconsin ain't no excuse
Being from Wisconsin ain't no excuse
Not only do the Cowboys have to overcome their NFC opponents to make it to the Super Bowl, they need to overcome the ongoing toolbaggery of their quarterback. Interviewed by NFL Network over The Jessica Simpson Episode, Tony Romo wore a bright salmon, logoed button-down collar shirt with the buttons unbuttoned. In most cases we would expect the Significant Other to correct this situation, but Jessica Simpson most likely dressed him for the interview.



One Word, Girl: Sleeves

One Word, Girl: Sleeves
Donna Karan was the guest judge last night on Project Runway, seemingly promoting some of the flabbiest arms we've seen since our grade school cooks serving up hot lunch. Donna, we admire a lot of your work (especially Signature), but please cover that shit up. Geez.





'We Love America.' Right Back At You, Brother.

'We Love America.' Right Back At You, Brother.
Now here's a lapel pin we can get behind. French President Nicolas Sarkozy was in town (wearing a lapel pin) and while we couldn't get a close-up tight enough for visual confirmation, evidence points in the direction that it may be a portrait of Marquis de Lafayette (inset) -- the French general and hero of the Revolutionary War who named his son after George Washington -- placed between the American and French flags. Here's to rapprochement between America and one of her greatest friends.

Update/Correction: Even though the above makes for a tear-jerking story of two great nations kissing and making up, Sarkozy's accessory selection was wishful thinking on our part. Anyhow, the Marquis/French flag/US flag pin, from the Durel's jewelry shop in Lafayette, LA, wins strong MB endorsement.

ChiracDear MB: I just read your post on N. Sarkozy. The pin he sports is most probably not the Lafayette / Flags pin, but rather the symbol of the highest order in the French Legion of Honor. A French president automatically gets this highest order when he gets elected; all members of the legion of honor place a small symbol on jackets (plain red for a Chevalier, the first level, then various additions of colors as a person grows in the order). It's actually kind of cool as it's a discreet reminder of an old-fashioned but still sought-after French membership.
—Thomas

The YouTube Yuniform

The YouTube Yuniform
Billionaire YouTube founders Steve Chen and Chad Hurley on Oprah yesterday* demonstrating the Official YouTube Yuniform: blue blazer, open collar blue dress shirt, black belt, jeans, black dress shoes.

Whoa fellas! Take it easy!

See the video.

* We don't actually watch Oprah. Ever. We just saw the news about Oprah doing a YouTube show. We swear.

'Nobody Wears a Trenchcoat With the Collar Down'

'Nobody Wears a Trenchcoat With the Collar Down'
That's Dan Rather's quote from this clip sent to us by reader William Schroeder, which shows Mr. Rather debating for 19 minutes and 42 seconds about whether to wear a coat, and if so, whether the collar should be turned up or down.

These are big decisions.

In a previous post we were down on popping collars up, but that was specifically for polo shirts. Here, Mr. Rather is correct. What you see him struggling with in the video is achieving the correct amount of artful dishevelment, as demonstrated by Mr. Bogart (aka MB) is "that scene" from Casablanca.

The Search Continues

The Search Continues
An update on those sunglasses Jamie Foxx wore in The Kingdom: We finally got a hold of Armies of the World (the company that did the props for The Kingdom) and they did everything except Mr. Foxx's sunglasses. Which makes sense since we have visual confirmation from several MB.com readers that an extreme closeup reveals "Dolce & Gabbana" on the temple. The only "Armies of the World" we can imagine being fitted with D&G sunglasses are a.) the Italian army, and b.) the Spartans from 300.

Anyhow, the model Mr. Foxx's sunglasses look most like are the 2022s (top), but it's not an exact match. Our guess is it's a bespoke pair, but we're in touch with Dolce & Gabbana for confirmation. If you have any other info, please let us know.


Terrorist Ass-Kickin' Shades

Terrorist Ass-Kickin' Shades
So we're watching the trailer for The Kingdom (opening nationwide tomorrow) and we're like, "Holy shit! Jamie Foxx looks like a total badass MB in that pair of shades!" And then we're like, "Where have we seen these before?" And then it occurs to us that Harrison Ford wore a similar pair -- albeit much less badassly -- in Apocalypse Now (after he did Star Wars, can you believe it?). Then we wondered what that frame was, and until we get a call back from Susan Matheson (costume designer for Armies of the World, who fitted Mr. Foxx and the rest of the cast of The Kingdom), a very, very close version (minus the tapered temples) is the Ray-Ban Caravan, available at amazon for $97.50.

Psycho Killer

Psycho Killer
We reckon Iranian president Ahmadinejad has loads more style than the adverb-challenged dude holding the sign. After all, he's got a jacket named after him and, like Hugh Grant, recognizes the simple sophistication of a crisp white dress shirt. However, he's not without flaws. Besides an odd understanding of world history, his coat looks shoddily made and way too big; clearly better suited for David Byrne in Stop Making Sense. Furthermore, we're not real big fans of the 3-buttons. Even though some top shops still make them, they look dated to us, like something we saw on the sale rack at Banana Republic about 2 years ago. 3-buttons look best on the guys sitting at the end of an NBA bench, and all 7 analysts on ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown.


Not a Total Disaster

Not a Total Disaster
She's clearly not a candidate for either bare midriff or jeans tucked into boots. However, Britney Spears makes a strong case for the potential IQ-increasing power of appropriate eyewear. In her case, those frames represent about a 20-point swing.

(magnificentbastard.com's sunglass/eyeglass coverage expanding soon.)

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