Magnificent Bastard

Sunday, November 29, 2015

From the Shop ↷

Game-Day Belt

Facepainting & foam fingers are not you. A belt made of NFL football leather is. Understated fanaticism FTW!

Game-Day Luxury Box

Transport your game-day suds in style, on a carpet of AstroTurf & a handle made of NFL football leather

Secret Agent Belt

Look like a fictional British Secret Service agent for just $30.07

300-Year Sterling Silver Buckle Belt

Built to look great forever — even if you live to 300

Donald Trump Shows You How Not to Wear a Tie

Donald Trump Shows You How Not to Wear a Tie
Every morning, we eat a plate of bacon that looks more youthful and dewy than Donald Trump's face. Because Trump has presidential aspirations and America rarely elects geezers, Trump appears to be taking his habit of wearing excessively long ties to even more comical lengths than usual. At a recent Tea Party rally in Florida, the Donald was sporting a tie that was long enough to tickle his nads — no wonder he's making that bellowing O-face while those in attendance cower behind a wall of ferns.

While we like the width of Trump's neckwear, the length is all out of proportion. At most, a tie should kiss the top of your pants — and it should only kiss the top of your pants in the way you kiss your best friend's wife — with absolute restraint. Let it dangle any lower, and you begin to look like a kid trying on his father's suit. Which, we assume, is the effect Trump is after — he's trying desperately to look boyish, to distract people from the fact that even though he's just 64 years old, his face now exhibits the stunning orange hue and petrified grandeur of a slab of ancient Moab slickrock. Alas, the average American voter is more likely to mountain-bike him than elect him, and not even a 70-inch tie is going to change that.



Bourbon Manhattan

  • 3 oz bourbon
  • 3/4 oz sweet vermouth, preferably Dolin
  • 2 dashes Angostura bitters

Stir over ice, strain into a chilled cocktail glass, and garnish with a Luxardo maraschino cherry.


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