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TASSELED LOAFERS
They Say:
"They're about as Waspy as a shoe can get, but in the hands of Tom Ford, the favored footwear of country-clubbers everywhere has acquired some genuine sex appeal."
Details, 11/10
We Say:
Sorry, Tom, the only place we like tassels is on the nipples of an aging stripper named Frenchie.
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PLEATS
They Say:
"As Michael Bastian explains, 'Changing the proportion a little changes everything.' Get yours with a single pinch and tapered legs."
Details, 11/10
We Say:
Even with a single pinch, pleated pants make us think of ironing, PowerPoint presentations, and bad cologne. We never want to think about any of these things.
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DOUBLE BREASTED SUITS & BLAZERS
They Say:
"Oh, and one insider tip: The cool kids are calling them 'D.B.'s.'"
GQ, 1/11
"Slimming and stylish, the modern six-button blazer has left the midtown office behind for the downtown scene."
Details, 11/10
We Say:
Unless your height-to-weight ratio is 2 lbs. per inch or lower -- like Kid Cudi, pictured -- double-breasted suits or jackets will simply make you look fatter than you are, even if you call them D.B.'s.
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CLUB COLLAR
They Say:
"It's a shirt with a little bit of nostalgia that packs a whole lot of cool."
GQ, 2/11
We Say:
All the sensitive nerve endings are in the tip of your collar -- do not circumcise it.
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SADDLE SHOES
They Say:
"Say goodbye to the classic blue and white. These versatile two-tones will take you much further."
Details, 2/11
We Say:
Even in such understated incarnations, saddle shoes are possibly the only footwear a pimp, a schoolgirl, and John Daly might get in a fight over. Stay out of the fray.
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