Magnificent Bastard

Thursday, March 28, 2024



Donald Trump Shows You How Not to Wear a Tie

Donald Trump Shows You How Not to Wear a Tie
Every morning, we eat a plate of bacon that looks more youthful and dewy than Donald Trump's face. Because Trump has presidential aspirations and America rarely elects geezers, Trump appears to be taking his habit of wearing excessively long ties to even more comical lengths than usual. At a recent Tea Party rally in Florida, the Donald was sporting a tie that was long enough to tickle his nads — no wonder he's making that bellowing O-face while those in attendance cower behind a wall of ferns.

While we like the width of Trump's neckwear, the length is all out of proportion. At most, a tie should kiss the top of your pants — and it should only kiss the top of your pants in the way you kiss your best friend's wife — with absolute restraint. Let it dangle any lower, and you begin to look like a kid trying on his father's suit. Which, we assume, is the effect Trump is after — he's trying desperately to look boyish, to distract people from the fact that even though he's just 64 years old, his face now exhibits the stunning orange hue and petrified grandeur of a slab of ancient Moab slickrock. Alas, the average American voter is more likely to mountain-bike him than elect him, and not even a 70-inch tie is going to change that.

POURCAST

BETA

Sazerac

  • 3 shots rye whiskey (or to taste)
  • 1 sugar cube
  • Peychaud's Bitters
  • quarter shot of Absinthe
  • lemon twist

Soak the sugar cube with the bitters and place in the bottom of a highball glass. Mash with the back of a spoon (or muddler, which we hope has not been used to make a Mojito), add the rye whiskey and fill the glass with ice. Stir for about 30 seconds and then strain into another lowball glass that has been rinsed with Absinthe and filled about halfway with ice. Garnish with a lemon twist.


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