We've always been interested in developing a philosophy, but it seemed like so much work that until recently, we just ended up going with something off the rack: nihilism.
In fact, the WikiHow on "How to Form a Philosophy (with Pictures)" is an 11-step process, with Step 1 saying it's "a lifelong journey." C'mon! We're not joining AA here – though we should — we simply want to create a belief system to help us interpret our everyday reality.
Along comes a shipment from YOOX, containing some pants by Dondup, and on those pants is the hangtag shown above:
... a very important and wise lama thought that all men are equal: race, colour, and faith have no meaning, all that counts are one's intentions and actions. His name was Dondup.
Was there, in fact, an "important and wise lama" named Dondup? Google says no. But it doesn't matter. This marketing gimmick has been a tremendous time saver!
Having convinced our client to adopt fairly slim-fit shirts and sweaters, we felt confident trying the same approach with pants. It didn't work out. Every attempt from MB favorites Dondup, Myths, Uniqlo, and AG made our client uncomfortable, either being too tight through the thigh, or leg opening, or both.
Low-rise, testicle-snugging, ankle-exposing Italian party pants apparently aren't for everyone. This revelation forced us to pivot.
Just as no one ever got fired for buying IBM, we're hopeful the same goes for buying Levi Strauss & Co. We tried several different fits from the 511 (way too aggressive) to the 514 to the 502, and those, too, were out of his comfort zone, so we retreated to the roomy-thigh high ground of the 505, the original Levi zip fly.
Are we happy about this? No. A strong case can be made we just got our client into dad-fit pants. But we purchased items he'll wear, and the colors and fabrics we chose help make the uniform work. (We will post the one-touch uniform dressing app next week.)
We Threw This One Back
These didn't make the cut, but Uniqlo's Ezy Jeans are the invention many men have been yearning for: stealth sweatpants. As one reviewer says, To the outside observer, they appear to be jeans, but on your body, they feel more like sweatpants."
Q: If the Walmart/Bonobos marriage gets consummated, can you recommend a Bonobos alternative? I refuse to give money to the evil empire. —Dave
A: Unfortunately, whether this particular marriage gets consummated or not, you are now faced with a grave question: Do you keep hooking up with a brand that (a) has seriously considered the possibility that Walmart would be a good home for it? And even worse is (b), in the eyes of Walmart, a highly desirable acquisition target?
Think of your dilemma as a variant on the old Groucho Marx koan: I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.
While we're fans of Bonobos' moleskin jeans, it's otherwise not a brand that holds any special allegiance in our hearts. Mostly, it has always struck us as an attempt to leverage dot-com venture capital into, say, a slightly more colorful James Perse for the masses. In other words, Walmart's attempted acquisition of it seems like a logical and ultimately inevitable endpoint.
Thus, we say why wait until the marriage is officially consummated to start looking elsewhere to fulfill your clothing needs?
Just the fact that the deal has reached due diligence is a strong signal that we're at Peak Bonobos. In another month or so, they may come out with their own version of the RompHim!
Lucky for you, good alternatives abound. Here's a couple Italian brands we've recently discovered on YOOX that we highly recommend:
We own a bunch of Myths pants and shorts are they're both terrific. Fair warning: You may have to skip leg day every once in awhile in order to get them all the way on. Innovative combinations of fabrics and pocket lining material, and a senselessly-over-engineered-yet-charming 3-button closure system (even on the shorts). Mostly best for 18 holes or a casual workplace. True to size. Myths 2017 S/S collection.
Without a doubt our current favorite trouser maker. Generally dressier and more expensive than Myths — and slightly more forgiving — these are pants you wear to the office with a woven, and so comfortable you keep on while transitioning your top to a knit at home. The only knock on these is a discreet, riveted gothic-font "D" on the rear right pocket (we've tried removing without success). They're modesty-sized; go up one and maybe two inches on the waist. Dondup 2017 S/S collection
Rusty Gets Nailed
An MB-updated version of the Rusty Nail (3 oz scotch / 1 oz Drambuie).
a healthy dose of a single malt scotch (The Macallan)
splash of Drambuie
Serve on the rocks with a lemon twist. An hour later roll yourself into bed (not necessarily alone).