Magnificent Bastard

Tuesday, June 25, 2024



For the Dad With Everything: Ice Age Accessorization

For the Dad With Everything: Ice Age Accessorization

Your dad might have a '64 911, a trophy wife, and a full head of dark hair, but we're betting he doesn't have a belt buckle carved from the tusk of a mammal gone extinct 4,000 years ago.

This Craftmasters of Nantucket woolly mammoth ivory and sterling silver buckle carved by master scrimshander David Smith is quite possibly the most MB accessory we've ever seen.

Get one before these mammoth de-extinction efforts come to life.

Kato Kaelin as MB Role Model?

Kato Kaelin as MB Role Model?

We haven't given Kato Kaelin a 2nd thought for nearly 30 years — about as long as our last post — but the draining of The Juice has thrust him back into the spotlight. And we're not gonna lie: we're impressed. He's practically the poster boy for artful dishevelment, a core MB principle.

In this interview on Court TV, it's unclear if he primped for this appearance, or just woke up from a nap; exactly the look we shoot for.

As Nick Nolte turned 83 in February, we may have found a worthy successor.

EARLIER:

Blindsided

Blindsided

We just learned that Allyn Scura, the official eyewear supplier of Magnificent Bastard, is closing down their vintage product line at the end of the year. Their collection of 60,000 vintage frames are being sold to a single buyer.

This is terrible news.

It means that staples like the Bolle 711s mountaineering sunglasses with sideshield, Carrera 5425s (Rober DeNiro in Casino), Cool-Ray Fast Back 420s (Frank Sinatra at the 1978 World Series), and Faosa Tampicos (Fidel Castro c. 1959) will be pulled from the site by midnight, December 31st.

We'd thought we'd already fully mined the depths of AS's vintage collection — and collected enough eyewear to last several generations of MB authors — but recently discovered these awesome Japanese fisherman frames that are just 39 bucks. Older readers can get ones with bifocals so you can thread a hook!

At some point we will have another Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge, so please stay tuned. Meanwhile, get these vintage frames while you can.

Witness Rehabilitation: Get Him a Suit

Witness Rehabilitation: Get Him a Suit

Last week former Trump fixer Michael Cohen testified against his old boss in a civil trial, and under cross examination "appeared flustered" and "wobbled," leaving questions about how the star witness will perform under cross in the higher-profile (and criminal) porn star payoff trial.

The NYT reports: "One option for Ms. Hoffinger (the prosecutor from the Manhattan DA's office) would be to extensively prepare Mr. Cohen before the trial, which is scheduled to begin in late March, though it may be pushed to a later date."

Top prep tip: Have him not wear denim to court.

Normally we are in favor of dressing down a notch. In fact, in Paul Fussell's canon "Class" he describes taking The X Way Out, which is what we've been shooting for since reading the book 35 years ago. Regarding dress:

...X people tend to dress for themselves alone, which means they dress comfortably, and generally "down." One degree down will usually do the trick: if black tie is designated, an X person appears in a dark suit (of a distinctly unstylish, archaic cut) and a notable necktie. If suits are expected, he omits the tie. If "informal" is the proclaimed style, his jeans will be torn and patched, his cords very used, if not soiled. If others are wearing bathing suits, X people are likely to show up naked.

Cohen's dad jeans are about three or four degrees removed from X-person styling guidelines, the equivalent of showing up naked to black tie. The next case is in front of a jury. Ms. Hoffinger: Get your client within one degree of star witness designated attire and get him into a suit, and perhaps even consider adding a tie.

Ryder Cup Hatgate: The Real Story

A hat with an icon is just fine, thank you.
A hat with an icon is just fine, thank you.

When the most exciting part of the 44th Ryder Cup was the hubbub around Patrick Cantlay not wearing a hat, you know it was a lopsided affair.

Was it because he was objecting to not getting paid to play?

Was it because, as Cantlay said, the hats don't fit his head?

Or, finally, as The Daily Mail reported this morning, was it because Cantlay is getting married today, and didn't want golfer's head?

No, no, and no.

Cantlay also didn't wear a hat at Whistling Straits in 2021, and presumably was not getting married then, too. Also, he's got no problem wearing hats at other team events (see President's Cup above), and adjustable baseball-style caps are not known to fit that differently.

It's because the hats are fucking ugly.

More specifically, it's the Team USA logo on the hats that's so fucking ugly. An inappropriately modern, excessively legible mark that looks like a mashup of NASA and DeLorean Motor Company.

Who can blame Pat Cantlay?



Our modest suggestion to The PGA of America Ryder Cup Committee for 2025: Stop trying so hard. Keep it simple. Use 100% fewer letters. Go with the flag. You already sell it in your shop.

Ask the MB: Headbands

Ask the MB: Headbands

Q: Hey MBs:

What's your stance on headbands?

I play racket/paddle sports and have hair almost to my shoulders. To keep it out of the way, I wear a light, nylon, billed cap. A cap that gets soaked with sweat after every session. Wash, dry, repeat.

I've thought about going full Bjorn Borg but would rather not risk the forehead tan line. (Even with sunscreen.) Plus, no bangs.

But Jamie Tartt on Ted Lasso, and a lot of other pro footballers wear a thin hairband which seems to work well.

And yes, I've thought about a visor as well, which I may throw into the rotation.

Where do the MBs fall on the topic?

Thanks,

— Tim

A: The hairband veers far too close to a women's headband for our taste. How long until Jamie Tartt's hairband has leopard print?

Visors are for golf.

But we're huge headband fans and fully endorse your adoption of this look.

If you're worried about a white Borg Band across your forehead, you could push it up a little, JMac style. This would result in a tan line little worse than wearing a hat. Albeit rarely, Borg *did* raise his well above eyebrow level.

Tim, you didn't ask us this but we're going to answer it anyhow: Q: Where's a good place to buy headbands?

A: One of our favorite shops on the entire internet: The Golden Age of Tennis. There are a bunch of headband options, including a Fila reproduction of Borg's famous version that's just 17 bucks.

While you're there, you can go full Borg or McEnroe or member of WHAM! with killer shorts, shirts, track jackets, wristbands, etc. Highly recommended.

Editor's Note: None of the above advice applies while playing pickleball.

Jordan Spieth Goes Full Sweatsuit at 151st Open

The only worthwhile thing here is exposed ankles.
The only worthwhile thing here is exposed ankles.

If memories serve, joggers started showing up on the PGA Tour ~2016.

Then, of course, hoodies had a breakout appearance at the 2021 Ryder Cup. (Though some players tucked them in because the wind blew them around in their faces. That's how fucking dumb hoodies are for golf.)

On Saturday at The Open, Jordan Spieth took loungewear separates to their inevitable conclusion: he combined them.

Don't get us wrong. We love occasionally being fully ensconced in jersey. But there are hundreds if not thousands of clubs across the country that would not allow you on the golf course if you showed up wearing Spieth's outfit. That's after mocking you for even trying.

Yet it's OK for Royal Liverpool and the Royal and Ancient.

It's past time for the R&A to adopt attire rules similar to those at The All England Club, except rather than, "suitable tennis attire that is almost entirely white," it can simply read, "suitable golf attire, and that sure AF obviously means no hoodies or sweatpants."

Ron DeSantis Has a Footwear Problem

Ron DeSantis Has a Footwear Problem

Ron DeSantis has much bigger problems than being bad at campaigning, a bad voice, and bad at not being an unlikable dick.

Yes, we're talking about his footwear.

Of course there was last fall's comical white go-go boot show Photoshoppers used to turn Ron into a green M&M and an obese Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

Over the 4th of July there was a new shoe incident at a New Hampshire parade. Standing here drenched, he looks to be wearing orthopedic coal miner boots for the vertically challenged.

They made his daughter cry.

We were so taken aback by these clodhoppers, we were wondering where a guy could even buy some. The closest we got was the Monster Boot collection at Halloween Express.

Can you locate these? The first reader to send a link to Ron's black boots will be sent a complimentary Minimum Viable Wallet with three straps of their choice. Send a note to editor@magnificentbastard.com.

Holy Fucking Shit! Crocs Socks!

Holy Fucking Shit! Crocs Socks!

This site launched in July 2007 with a feature article definitively stating that wearing Crocs was one of the Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag. Our rationale was simple: don't don the same footwear as your 5 year-old nephew.

Naturally sales only grew, and then spiked during the coronavirus pandemic. 1.1 million Americans died. Millions more started wearing ugly plastic clogs.

In what's surely not a coincidence, at the peak of the pandemic Crocs released Crocs Socks, allowing fans to double down on their loss of dignity and taste. It was as nefarious as an intentional lab leak. It was as unimaginable as Zubaz selling shirts. Millions more Americans surely suffered.

Why are we breaking this news now, nearly two years after their release? Because we've only now seen them. Much like a supervirus, Crocs Socks have pierced our hermetically-sealed YOOX/ASOS/Uniqlo/Neiman Marcus shopping bubble. It's the equivalent of a Fox News viewer learning about a January 6th conviction. And we don't like it one bit.

But we're not all doom and gloom here at MB. There's hope for all of us. While a pair of classic Crocs will set you back an astonishing $87.00, this 3-pack of Crocs Socks is marked down 61%, to $17.16.

Attorney Malpractice: Cutaway Collar

Attorney Malpractice: Cutaway Collar

We haven't paid close attention to the Donald Trump rape trial, but yesterday it became unavoidable as live blogging made its way to the NYT home page.

Closing arguments were notable because Trump's attorney, Joe Tacopina, went on for two hours. Also notable: Trump's attorney, Joe Tacopina, is one of the last men on the planet who should wear a cutaway collar, just ahead of Meatwad.

Earlier: Spread collars make your face look fatter

MB Endorses: The North Face Nuptse Booties

MB Endorses: The North Face Nuptse Booties

Ever since we called out Rossignol's yard sale of a sophomore season of their Après Ski Booties, we've been on the hunt for something similar: sneakerized, stylish, lightweight, slip-on boots that pair with Makers and Riders' M1Z jeans, and that can be worn for everything from après ski to winter bike commuting.

Is that too much to ask?

Five months later we're thrilled to report that a superior replacement has been found: The North Face Nuptse Booties.

They're a little lighter, warmer, cheaper, more waterproof, and more stylish than the Rossignol version. (The only downside: they're just a little harder to get on.)

We found them at ASOS and are stockpiling. They run one size small.

Ask the MB: Blazer With Jeans

Whatever he does, don't do that.
Whatever he does, don't do that.

Q: Hi MBs: I'm returning to a (very casual-dress) office with a modest promotion this month, and I want to dress the part without trying too hard.

I have a fresh pair of dark wash APC Standard jeans I'd like to put to work here, so I thought could pair with a wool blazer, point collar shirt, and minimal PdO sneakers. Assuming I adhere to your aforementioned guidance on each of these pieces (I'm a devotee), what's the MB stance on blazer + denim pairings in 2023?
— Jack

A: Jack, congratulations on the promotion. Given your taste in web sites, clothing, and footwear, along with your strict adherence to core MB principles (never TTH), there is a C-suite position in your future.

We love this look. For 2023 and beyond. Wear it with confidence.

A couple of suggestions:

1. While we're fans of A.P.C. Standard jeans, we're reminded of the old A.P.C. denim joke: "You don't wear them. They wear you."

The A.P.C.s, combined with a wool blazer that's maybe ½ a size too small, can make you look (and feel) a little too "bound," striking a blow against artful dishevelment (and comfort). Sub some more forgiving denim once in a while.

2. Carry this look into spring/summer, where we think it works even better. Swap the wool blazers for cotton versions and flip the cuffs somewhat ineptly, mix in a pair or two of white 5-pocket pants/jeans, and expose your ankles. It doesn't get much better.

What You Can Learn From … Whatever the F His Name Is

What You Can Learn From … Whatever the F His Name Is

As George Santos/Anthony Devolder enters minute 12 of his 15, we thought we'd better hurry up with our take on this guy's look and what you can learn from it.

Several style columnists have focused on his crewneck sweaters, pointing out that they're part of a preppy affectation, with all the wealth and privilege that implies.

But Lisa Burnbach — who literally wrote the book on preppy style: The Official Preppy Handbookcalls bullshit on that, saying she hasn't seen a real preppy wear a crewneck under a jacket and over a tie for several decades, and that Anthony Zabrovsky/Kitara Ravache looks like an extra from Family Ties.

What's going on here is less another deception — that he has any preppy pedigree whatsoever — and more about what he's concealing: a big fat gut.

This is the same rationale, we think, behind his mock zips and fleece vests.

We give him credit. It's the same tactic we use to camouflage our manboobs, back fat, and love handles. And you can, too.

Take a look at Peter Griffin. Don't you agree he looks slightly less obese in a sweater underneath his jacket? If the camera adds 10 pounds, we say a midnight blue crewneck takes off 20.

Sid Mashburn: Right on White

Note the proper sleeve-rolling technique, too
Note the proper sleeve-rolling technique, too

We're on the hunt for true white 5-pocket corduroy and recently landed on Sid Mashburn's pretty great site. Tucked away at the bottom of his white 5-pocket corduroy page is this gem of a take on white jeans:

"I find white jeans as versatile as blue jeans, and in fact many times more. And it doesn't matter which kind of white jeans ... our version or Levi's or selvedge or even white 5-pocket cords in a 14-wale corduroy. I love 'em all, wear 'em all, and keep 'em stocked in our shops. For me, white jeans are a year-round thing."

While Sid is in Atlanta and we're in Minneapolis, we agree: they're a year-round thing.

Here's a pic from one of our staffer's closets, who's been advocating this for years (like us).

P.S. No, we didn't end up buying Sid's pants. We have a rule against button-fly — it's too much work to take a piss and we're extremely lazy and drink a lot and have to piss a lot — so we're still looking.

World's Softest Organic Cotton Sweatshirt?

World's Softest Organic Cotton Sweatshirt?

"I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."

— Gilda Radner

Going on three years, we've been faced with an inverted clothing curve, where comfort has been paying a higher interest rate than style.

In fact, we've been wondering: If a person isn't seen all day by a partner, or by colleagues on a Zoom call, did that person actually wear anything at all?

Anyhow, we've taken a deep dive on sweats stylish soft pants — we'll have more on this in an upcoming post — and also organic cotton sweatshirts, mostly from obscure Italian brands found on YOOX. (It probably goes without saying that free-range cotton is significantly softer than cotton grown in cages.)

The winner, by quite a wide margin, is this Classica Cotton Sweatshirt by one of our favorite brands: De Marchi. A few points to note about sizing and taking action:

  • De Marchi runs ridiculously small for American bodies. Go up two sizes.
  • As of this writing, it's still 30% off.
  • Use code XMAS20 for an additional 20€ off.
  • When you purchase anything from De Marchi you become part of their Ciclo Club, which includes free merch: a water bottle, an embroidered patch "to be stitched or ironed on your favorite jersey," a metal pin, and the official Ciclo Club cap.

If you love soft tops and are even vaguely into cycling, this is a tough purchase to beat.

Rossig-no! — Updated Après Ski Booties and the Agony of Defeat

Rossig-no! — Updated Après Ski Booties and the Agony of Defeat

Our most gushing post of 2021 was about Rossignol's Après Ski Booties, in our view a near-perfect sneakerized boot to stylishly get around during Minneapolis's 5 months of winter.

Rossignol and its retailers ran out of these fast but promised us "...we will have them again next season with some new colorways," and when they didn't immediately drop last month with the rest of their winter gear, a customer service rep asked us for patience and added they are "super stoked on them."

They recently appeared on rossignol.com, and to say we are disappointed is an understatement:

  • Colors. Pink for shirts? Yes! Not for winter boots, unless you only plan on wearing them sipping whiskey on the patio at Warm Springs Lodge.
  • No black/red/white. In a month or two, when the pink and green ones are marked down 40%, Rossignol would be sold out of their bread-and-butter model from last year.
  • Sizes. These run incredibly small, and only the legible "Hero" model comes in anything larger than an 11.5.

But the biggest problem is the boots being renamed Podium Shoes, from Après Ski Booties.

The former implies training, competing, standing, and listening to three awful national anthems, while the latter suggests sitting in front of a fire with a drink in hand and a firmly-established head buzz, sharing stories and laughs. (Note: the latter is better.)

We're hoping for a reboot in 2023. Meanwhile, this collection is best visually summed up by a gif of an iconic clip from our childhoods.

Ask the MB: Pink Shirts

Ask the MB: Pink Shirts

Q: I wear collared short sleeve shirts a lot. I am a corporate pilot without a uniform. I found a pinkish shirt, which is a color I typically won’t give a second look but this one has a muted pattern and just has a certain appeal. What is the MB take on pink shirts?
—Matt

A: This site's tagline is, "In Nolte We Trust." When we saw your question we recalled this picture of Yahweh from a couple of years ago.

So yeah, we're fans of pink shirts.

In fact, they're a wardrobe staple. We had staffers do a color count of their solid short-sleeve knit shirts (like what you're considering), and also their solid long-sleeve wovens (like what you would wear with a tie), and here are the results:

Short-Sleeve Knits




Long-Sleeve Wovens

Ask the MB: Patterned Woven Short-Sleeve Shirts

Winston on the odds of anyone else looking like Winston.
Winston on the odds of anyone else looking like Winston.

Q: The MB stance is to never wear short sleeved button up shirts because you can't roll up the sleeves giving an ultimate amount of artful dishevelment. But ever since Winston rocked the pattern short sleeved shirt on New Girl, I've been seeing them everywhere. Are they still off limits?
—Miguel

A: Miguel, the primary reason Winston Bishop (Lamorne Morris) rocked the patterned short-sleeve woven is because he looked like Winston Bishop.

If you don't look like Winston Bishop, there is a chance this could turn out badly, as you'll see in a minute.

With the help of Nate Silver and 538, we ran 1000 patterned short-sleeve shirt simulations with a random sample of 35 year-old urban-dwelling men, and here are the results.



See also: Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag

Ask the MB: What To Do When Calvin Klein Stops Making Your Favorite Underwear

Ask the MB: What To Do When Calvin Klein Stops Making Your Favorite Underwear

Q: Long, longtime fan. So, Calvin Klein stopped making my favorite 100% cotton boxer briefs. I know, only halfway to MB chart, but these provided the perfect balance between scrotal space and glans restriction.

Anyway, I contacted CK to ask for a recommendation, and all I got was a generic copy/paste reply. Worse, they referred to their brand as Tommy Hilfiger, which - as it turns out - shares the sales infrastructure. Needless to say, I’m looking for an alternative, and turn to you for your wisdom and advice.

Kind regards, and keep up the good work, which is much appreciated!
—Duncan

A: Reading your note at our editorial meeting the other day caused sudden trembling and nausea, as we wondered out loud if CK also stopped making *our* all-time favorite underwear: CK One Cotton Stretch Slim Fit Boxers.

They did.

This soon turned into a full-scale panic attack. Had we sufficiently prepped? Was there a lifetime supply of CK One Cotton Stretch Slim Fit Boxers in storage?

No.

We honestly had not felt this level of existential wardrobe dread since 1979, when we learned JCPenney stopped selling bell bottoms.

We don't have an answer for right now, Duncan. We're still sorting through our emotions, and also a lot of underwear sites. But please stay tuned.

NB: For those wondering why Duncan is referring to scrotal space, here is the original Magnificent Bastard Underwear Guide, from when we were less mature, and funnier.


Atlantic Stars: The Bumble of Sneakers

Atlantic Stars via YOOX, $138.00
Atlantic Stars via YOOX. $138.00.

Some of our cattier, less stylish peers have called these toddler shoes, asked us if they light up, or have wheels, and even suggested we're special needs.

That last one could be true, but trust us when we say that no other footwear has generated as many positive comments from random women as this pair of Atlantic Stars sneakers.

At the risk of reading too much into this unsolicited female feedback, here's why we think it's happening: These shoes communicate that the wearer is playful, confident, has great style, and a passion for obscure Italian sneaker brands. All things women find irresistible. (Recall what we said a minute ago about possibly reading too much into this.)

NB1: Many of the Atlantic Stars shoes do have excessive colored stars, and veer into toddler territory. Tip: if your pre-K nephew says he wants a pair, you have gone too far.

NB2: Like most Italian footwear, these fit one size small.

Hangtag Philosophy

Hangtag Philosophy

We've always been interested in developing a philosophy, but it seemed like so much work that until recently, we just ended up going with something off the rack: nihilism.

In fact, the WikiHow on "How to Form a Philosophy (with Pictures)" is an 11-step process, with Step 1 saying it's "a lifelong journey." C'mon! We're not joining AA here – though we should — we simply want to create a belief system to help us interpret our everyday reality.

Along comes a shipment from YOOX, containing some pants by Dondup, and on those pants is the hangtag shown above:

... a very important and wise lama thought that all men are equal: race, colour, and faith have no meaning, all that counts are one's intentions and actions. His name was Dondup.

Was there, in fact, an "important and wise lama" named Dondup? Google says no. But it doesn't matter. This marketing gimmick has been a tremendous time saver!

As for the pants, we've endorsed Dondup before, calling them "our current favorite trouser maker" back in 2017. Nothing's changed. They make the best side-pocket pants we've ever worn, and loads are available on YOOX. Easily add them to our price-tracking app to be notified of discounts. They run slightly small.

MB Endorses: Nancy Boy Signature Shave Cream

Signature Shave Cream via Nancy Boy, $20.00
Signature Shave Cream via Nancy Boy. $20.00.

Maybe Tucker Carlson is right. Maybe there is a masculinity crisis. A men's style site called "Magnificent Bastard," with a logo of a mandeer smoking a cigarette and drinking a brown liquor cocktail, endorses shaving cream from "Nancy Boy," with a dainty flower logo.

We should probably go tan our nuts.

Meanwhile, we're not sure whether it's the organic aloe leaf juice, the pistachio nut oil, or the chamomile (maybe the combination?), but try it and you'll agree: it's the best shaving cream you've ever used.

They closed their SF retail store during the pandemic, and owner Eric Roos is in his 60s, so while we hope for many more years of Signature Shave Cream supply, we're stockpiling white cream jars like a prepper stockpiles toilet paper. And if that runs out, we'll just stop shaving. It's that good.

Garanimals for Gen Z Summer Internship

Garanimals for Gen Z Summer Internship

GaranimalZ?

A reader asked if we could help his 20 year-old son get dressed for a summer internship at a multi-family rental housing development firm. (He assures us the owners are not slumlords.) Because he's also a good customer, we obliged, and we're excited to share what we think is a killer outcome the client loved.

The requirements:
— No white pants. (Apparently he's not as big of a fan as we are.)
— $1000 max.

We're believers in dressing for the job you want, not the job you have, so our recommendation was to make patterned, textured, washable, deconstructed blazers with 2 buttons and meaty lapels the pillar pieces, and surround them with a variety of solid and smooth pants and shirts.

Here is the best part: By adopting Garanimals/Dresserizer rules — i.e., everything must work with everything else — a mere 9 items results in 27 outfits with blazers on every day, and a total of 36 outfits when they get some time on the bench.

Blazers

Left to right:

  • Manuel Ritz Dual vent, functional buttonholes. $120.
  • Havana & Co. Dual vent, and 5 functional buttonholes! $106
  • Altea The boldest play, the most casual, and probably the client's favorite. No vent and no buttons on the sleeves. $181.

Shirts

American men are still being led to believe spread and cutaway collar shirts are in their best interest. We emphatically disagree and think an unbuttoned point collar is the only way to go. It's timeless, suits most men's faces the best, and works the best with the best knot (four-in-hand). The mandeer looks as good now as he did 15 years ago, and will continue looking good in another 15, 30, and even 100 years, when we're all dead.

Anyhow, an old-school Italian brand called Xacus gets this, still makes them, and they're cheap. We went all-in.

Left to right:


Pants

Left to right:


Shoes

Polo is about as popular now with Gen Z as it was when Gen X was in its 20s. These were a huge hit, and come in black and white, too.

Grand total, including the shoes: $862.

NB: Some of these items are another 30% off the prices listed through May 14th!

Ask the MB: Lightweight Pants for Summer

Dunning is a leader in this space, partially thanks to their easily-removed branding.
Dunning is a leader in this space, partially thanks to their easily-removed branding.

Q: I just turned 50. I think I'm getting to the point in my life where I probably should no longer be wearing shorts on a regular basis (if at all). Are there any brands of lightweight pants that you would recommend for summer wear instead of shorts? Also, I don't know if it matters or not, but I'm a larger guy ... 6'1" and around 260 pounds. Thanks in advance for any suggestions you have.
—Chris

A: Chris, at the half-century mark this is a wise choice. We're rarely in shorts except for active-leisure activities like golf, tennis, cycling, surfing, and impromptu au naturel testicle tanning.

We also have a rule: never be seen in shorts one minute past civil twilight.

Under normal circumstances we'd recommend echoing our summer regular-leisure uniform: cheap, slim fit, white, 5-pocket, 98 cotton/2 elastane pants at YOOX from obscure Italian brands.

Here, no.

Our suggestion: Take a look at your local golf big box store, where menswear's best 5-pocket pant style innovation is happening. We're kind of blown away by Puma, Travis Mathew, Walter Hagen, Dunning, and Callaway all offering some remarkably sharp, lightweight pants that will meet your needs this summer. Work, too.

Puma calls their 5-pocket Jackpot pants "the best we've ever made." Customer reviews for Dunning's Player Fit 5-Pocket Golf pants range from "awesome" to "amazing."

The one bummer: they're all 100% some form of plastic. While this is obviously an egregious violation of the organic materials principle, for your 50th, we're giving you, Chris, special dispensation to give them a shot.

Let us know what you think.

Ask the MB: Slippery Silk Ties

Ask the MB: Slippery Silk Ties

Q: Dear Mandeer,

This silk tie is tied with a four in hand, the only tie knot I know. Any advice on other knots that would work within MB principles with this (or another straight) collar?

It just doesn't grip together like other ties that have a bit more texture. It's a printed silk from Brooks Brothers (pic attached).

Heaven help us if we resort to a Windsor.

—David

A: David, have you considered Scotch tape?

There is certainly nothing wrong with a little slippage at the knot; in fact it's preferred. Take a close look at the mandeer and you'll see a looseness similar to yours. It's artful dishevelment, a core MB principle. Contrast this with, say, Donald Trump's too-straight tourniquet. As the de facto leader of Toolbag Nation, whatever he does, do the opposite.


Just ... gross. And then there's the tie.

The bigger issue with shiny silk ties – besides violating the MB matte vs. gloss principle – is that they give off strong old white man vibes, and none of the good ones. There's Trump, of course, but also take a look at the My Pillow Guy, Senate leadership, or a local Rotary Club meeting. (Now imagine the smell of the excessively-applied cologne. P U!)

Stick with your point collars and four-in-hand knots, David. Donate the printed silks to Goodwill and get into textured neckwear. We have a bunch of options, and it's all we've ever made.

MB Deal of the Week: De Marchi Classic Leather Gloves

MB Deal of the Week: De Marchi Classic Leather Gloves

We thought we got a deal on these exceptional cycling gloves when we bought them at €70, marked down from €100. Then again when they were €61.48.

Thanks to a Twitter alert from our price-tracking app, we've learned they're now just €50.

And it gets better. A glitch in the De Marchi shop's checkout marks them down further, to €40.98. At today's exchange rate that's just $46; an insane deal for what we're pretty sure are the best leather cycling gloves made.

While you probably won't look quite like the Italian model on a vintage Legnano, you can at least feel like him.

Earlier: Get Dressed: Breaking Away

MB Endorses: OSBE Ski Helmets

MB Endorses: OSBE Ski Helmets

At the risk of turning this site into a ski blog, here's another strong recommendation: OSBE helmets.

We were going to write this post a couple of years ago after scoring a couple NOS leather-clad units on eBay, and while ridiculously luxe, were disappointed in the fit and the visor functionality. Stuck with Bollé.

Something changed. The style of the Rigel model with the "classic visor" (shown above) is so irresistible we recently tried again, and love 'em so much it's already on the MB HOF ballot.

Other brands do offer the integrated visor (a real no-brainer), but nothing compares to the Rigel for a style/value combination. A KASK (also Italian) will set you back nearly $600. A similar style from CP (Swiss) is $365. At current exchange rates the Rigel is $136, and to our eyes, look better than both of them.


Yeah, no.

(Side note: SKI Magazine's top helmet/goggle pick for 2022 is a Bollé Ryft Evo ($220) combined with Bollé Torus goggles ($170). That's nearly $400 for an unnecessarily complicated combo with a reflector lens.)

Some of the Rigel styles are a little funky, so we recommend sticking with black or white in matte. Added bonus: the white matte can probably do double-duty as part of a low-fi Skywalker costume to go trick-or-treating with the kids.

OSBE fits small. If you're a size 7 or larger, definitely go for the Large (58-61cm).

Ask the MB: Ski Pants and Jacket

Left: 'Palmeres' 5-pocket ski pants. Right: 'Hiver' down ski jacket.
Left: 'Palmeres' 5-pocket ski pants. Right: 'Hiver' down ski jacket.

Hey thanks for the tip on the Rossignol boots. Pretty dope. And you nailed the size. Any jacket & bib/pant recommendations?
—Adam

A: You're welcome on the boots. Glad you got them before they sold out (in black). We're looking forward to loading up on lifetimes' supplies next fall when Rossignol says they'll be reloaded. (Yep, they're that good.)

As for a jacket/pants recommendation, why not more Rossignol? Last week at our annual ski summit — this year at Sun Valley — we discovered the Rossignol concept store and learned there are three others at Aspen, Park City, and NYC.

That works for us.

While browsing, for pants we really liked the Palmeres, a "style that mimics five-pocket jeans." $350. No, they're not our beloved Naked & Famous Snow Pant Denim, but those are all long gone, even on eBay.

For the jacket, the standout was the Hiver. $550. It's packed full of "traceably-sourced" down, has a detachable hood, pass pocket, and subtle tricolor branding. Magnifique!

As you would expect, Rossignol fits slightly small. Go up one size.

Earlier: Get Dressed: Killing Bumps in Steamboat Springs

Ask The MB: Puffer Vests

An extreme case. Jonah Hill in a hot dog puffer vest.
An extreme case. Jonah Hill in a hot dog puffer vest.

Hi! Is there a puffer vest that you all recommend? Maybe a couple of different brands? I know you recommended Duvetica a few years ago. Are they still your #1? Other brands? Thank you!
—Chris

A: Thanks so much for the question, Chris. We could go on forever about puffer vests as they're a wardrobe staple.

One warning before we list some options: these best suit taller, thinner MBs. If you're carrying a little extra bulk in your torso, the last thing you want to do is add bulk to your torso while the rest of your body keeps the same thickness. You will just look fatter.

With that caveat, we have three rules on puffer vests. They must:

1. Be filled with down. Goose is better than duck.
2. Have a collar (but not a hood)
3. Have some sort of elastic, whether it's the armholes or the waist. Both is better.

Here are a few for your consideration.







Uniqlo Ultra Light Down Vest. $49.99.
If you are merely puffer vest-curious and want to see if they're for you, by far the best gateway is Uniqlo's Ultra Light Down Vest. At just 50 bucks there is no better overall value. Uniqlo fits true to size but this is cut larger. Size one down. Gamefacing like the model is not allowed. Hey kid, you're in a $50 vest.

Aspesi Slim RE Down Gilet. $312 (from $520).
If we had to pick one puffer vest, this is it. Minimal, oozes quality, and has all the features: goose down, adjustable elastic hem, lycra armholes, zip pockets, and an interior zip pocket. Probably because Aspesi is based just a few miles from the Alps, these are packed with feathers and target US cocktail zone 5 and higher. If you are in a warmer cocktail zone it's likely overkill. Has long since replaced Duvetica as our top pick. Aspesi vests fit true to size.

Polo Packable Water-Repellent Down Vest. $169.
We're not normally one for logos but this polo player is retro, iconic, and lacks legibility. A better choice for warmer cocktail zones — or traveling to them — as it's lightweight enough to pack into itself. What's with the gamefacing? Again, not allowed, even at $169. Polo is a shade big. For our Polo puffer vests we go one size down.

MB Endorses: Rossignol Après Ski Booties

MB Endorses: Rossignol Après Ski Booties

We've been looking for something like this since we grew out of Moon Boots 30 years ago, and Rossignol has nailed it with these lightweight, sporty, sneakerized après ski booties.

For those of us in Climate/Cocktail Zone 6, they fill the stylish foul-weather footwear chasm that exists between 6" of snow — when we pull out the Sorel Pacs — and a mere dusting. In fact, we like these so much they're an instant MBHOF candidate, paired here with current MBHOF member, the Makers and Riders M1Z jeans.

This is our outdoor uniform for the next 6 months (including après ski).

NB: These run really small. Order at least 1 size up, and if you're borderline, 1.5.

UPDATE 12/23/2021: Days after this post Rossignol went out of stock on most sizes (and there weren't a lot of options at other retailers). We emailed customer service and over a month later got a response: "We will not be receiving more of the Après Ski boot for this season, but will have them again next season with some new colorways." We'll post about these again when they become available, right after we purchase lifetime supplies.

POURCAST

BETA

Martinez

  • 2 parts Hayman's Old Tom Gin
  • 1 part sweet vermouth (Carpano Antica Formula or Dolin Rouge)
  • 1/4 part Luxardo Maraschino liqueur
  • 2 dashes Fee Brothers Whiskey Barrel Aged Bitters

Shake or swirl lightly, garnish with a lemon twist.


In-Depth Martinez Coverage:

MB Holiday Cocktail Guide

×

Currently in
Minneapolis, Minnesota

70° Partly Cloudy

Martinez

Enter any city on earth & start cocktailing. (Zip codes work, too.)

Feedback? editor@magnificentbastard.com


retailers


designers


ask mb

Got a style question? We're all ears. And antlers. Ask away.


tip mb

If you know about something you think we should know about, let us know (so we can pretend we knew about it all along). Send a tip.


features


channels